🌷💙

it hurts so much
it hurts so much
& I really wanna cry.

You have been nothing but amazing & I never feel that I am deserving for everything you have done or said to me. It's a vicious cycle of enjoying and loving everything and being just so happy at that point of time but then the aftermath, it's unbearable it's painful it's too depressing for my own good.
But, I can't run away and I can't escape.

For the first time, I felt that I was a girl and someone is really treasuring me so much.
For the first time, someone actually take note of everything and anything I said and do, and you never question why.
For the first time, someone listen out to me, rain or shine, good or bad, happy or sad.
For the first time, someone genuinely appreciate me, compliment me & tell me that, yes I'm able to do it and yes I'm able to become someone better.

Why are you always the one that knows what and when and where to say and do?
Why are you always the one that sees me at my lowest point in life?
Why are you always the one that that reciporate me and my actions and words?

I never really broke down once, except for farewell graduation day. But at the point of losing myself and just wanna cry my heart out, I lost count of them.
It's so painful liking someone that doesn't like you back and it's so annoying because feelings ain't helping and they choose to always do the otherwise.
But that aside, I never regret. I never walk back the old path. Given the same choice once more, yes I will pick you all over again and yes I will go through everything once more. Without any hesitation.
Because you showed me that really, I'm someone that is deserve to be loved.

I like you, i really do.
And no matter what happens, I'm thankful for you & you are nothing but a blessing 💙

I like you, I really do :)

I like christmas, I like the christmas lights, I like the christmas decorations, I like the atmosphere & I like you J

I like purple, I like ice cream, I like balloons, I like flowers & I like you J

I can’t pick, I like the flowers, I like you. I guess I will take both then J

I can’t decide what is better, you or the decorations.

I love purple so much, so so much. But you know what, I pick you over purple any other day J

I don’t know what is worse, me taking interest about tigers and blue or you liking purple and being dumb hahaha

I can’t believe I will pick you over purple, I must have like you a lot.

I don’t know who is worse, dumb me or idiot you.

I will never get over the fact that I like you, I am really insane.

Thank you for being you, that’s what it makes you extra amazing and wonderful.

I like you, I like you so much that it scares me.

I was going to forget how much I can actually like someone and then you came into the picture.

I hate how I am so easily affected by you, but you know what, I can’t do anything about it, & those things are controlling me very very well.

I must have like you enough to let you hurt me over and over again, but I still seek for your presence whenever possible.

It is so painful to like you, it is so painful that I feel that I am always ready to cry over and over again about this.

At the end of the day, I never regret choosing you. No matter what happens. You are really one of the greatest takeaway of 2016. And you will still shine so brightly no matter how much I loathe 2016. Thank you for everything you have done. You made me feel amazing, you allow me to be me.

I like you, I really do J

You are not even the GOOD anymore, you’re the GREAT one J

🐶🐶

You're one of a kind & You're my favourite kind 💜💙💜💙

Blue 💙

7 July, not my day but why am i affected seriously omg but okay, it is blue birthday!!!!!

Panicked when i couldn't think of what to get for him but thankfully, eventually i got him something :))) it wasn't a real grand present and all and i legit had a hard time thinking what to buy for him but hey!!!! it was a nice present okay!!!!! And omg i need to talk about what happened on that day actually omg 

So i met him after my last paper & wanted to pass him his present and wished him happy birthday and i will go off but oh well, when i saw him and was going to pass him, he actually opened his arms first..... Okay, i was genuinely surprised and definitely wasn't expecting that from him okay!!!!! It was a nice friendly hug but the entire afternoon afterwards, whenever i think back, i find myself smiling and giggling wthhhhhh and okay, it was a nice hug teehee :)) and because he iniitiated it, that's what made everything SOMEWHAT nice hahahaha fml seriously.....

And then, birthday boy was real happy and all hahaha.

Oh we talked and catch up a bit really!!!!! It was genuinely nothing much but idk why i feel really happy and all!!!!

Was supposed to watch finding dory together, all thanks to mum and her real stubborn brain and a mindset that is still stuck back into the 80s and 90s urgh fml seriously omg

Texted him in the night also and that idiot just had to say thank you aunty, i whack you i tell you hahaha but okay la, i had to apologise for my real dumb mistake and all and also just telling him everything about the present hahaha, and really he said it is really blessed to get to know me & i was just like, i felt more blessed hahaha fml this is definitely driving my more than crazy omg seriously 

Everything is wrong & everything is forbidden and all but i can't seemed to do anything about it and then i really wanna stop my feelings and everything from becoming worse but idk why, it doesn't seemed to be working wtffff and i really hate myself for all of that i swear omg seriously urgh

And i told hidayah about it and the fact that she was said for me and like she ship us and all but i told her she cannot ship, because even i myself i myself is forbidden to do it. It is wrong, since day 1. Anf the fact that i am falling deeper and deeper ain't helping either. I honestly still very unsure about my feelings because i am also confused as well. It feels like i do feel something for him and i do have feelings for him but i can't really say i like him as well?? I feel that it is still something lesser than that?? Plus, i won't really classified our relationship as 'some' because i definitely feel it is lesser than that. 

This is driving me crazy and i really hope that this is one-sided and urgh, FINE even though it is mutual, even though the possibility is lesser than 0.000000001%, please NEVER EVER let me know because i can't even think what will happened to me and my real dumb feelings seriously urgh. When mama is worry that he like me, i am more worried of the real truth, that the feelings is from here ot there instead fml. I really need to work everything out myself and i really want this precious friendship altogether. It is definitely so much more worthy that this stupid insignificant shit right now sigh...... 

'More than confusing, more than conflicting. I want it to stop and end, but defintely and certainly it is not happening. Sigh...'

//

How Are You? // Half A Year into 2016

How Are You? Getting lazier and lazier about blogging, partly also due to the fact that there isn't any phone oh well. But, tbh nothing major or great happened to my life so i don't feel the need to blog also oh well. Being wrapped around with books and everyday it is all about studying, catching up with work & trying to complete as much work or revision as possible.
Got caught in drama again, and found the love for it again. Always love how drama is my escape from life, from reality, from people and etc. Always feel the best and it is all just plain spazzing and fantasizing over the characters and storyline and all. Ryu Jun Yeol is current new bae, because that guy is hell no handsome or pretty, but he is hella cute and freaking attractive fml seriously. Another Kim Woo Bin, because you can't felt but feel attracted to him omg seriously. Recent addiction: tiger & luck/lucky charm (fml, when i thought about tiger, jeevan came into mind again wth i need to stop seriously.....) Btw, lucky romance is really fun and comforting to watch :) ost is also soothing and the entire drama is very simple, without much conspiracy or conflicts or jealousy/anger feelings and whatso :) definitely the perfect drama for me to watch currently. I need to run away from this world just for a moment please.

SAs was generally alright as a whole, i would say. That one month of hardwork somewhat paid off & for once, i could actually attempt all questions and didn't leave any blanks anywhere omg. Slept for 3 hours per day before i take the papers, but surprisingly even more awake and could focus better?? seriously considering to do the same thing as well during As omg. Like i am going to deliberately screw up the body clock and not going to sleep too much, because it makes the body yearning for sleep and bed even more so yeah. Plus, the exam dates are quite spread out isn't it? omg, should i?? So tempted too as well omg.... But also told myself to perform well so that i can party like mad on 2/7.

GP: only started preparing the night before, and had to selectively study as well. Started memorising 330 onwards when i couldn't sleep anymore and wow, i just bombed everything and i kind of could spot one of the questions so i was quite lucky about that
Econs: case study was really tough and how can most my answers be similar fml. Thank god for essays but honestly not sure how much can he essays help because fml, everything was so tough sigh..... (and my feelings are always wrong urgh)
Maths: probably the best paper out of all seriously omg. Thank god i did the Alevel 2015 paper because it is really quite similar and omg!!!!! Please let me do well for maths omg!!!!!!!
Geo: probably the second time i attempted all questions lmao after promos seriously. But not very sure and confident about my answers though....still feel there's some things that are lacking but i can't really pinpoint it out as well fml seriously. And wow, i didn't get the hints for the human geo part, but dumb lena set something else and because i didn't get the hint so of course i didn't study that and wow, she came out with something else and i could write because i studied that and know it was rather important and all wow. Is this a blessing in disguise?? idk man, was panicking just few minutes before the paper because i missed out on the hints but she didn't test them at all??? wow whats going on man seriously. Physical geo essay was real surprising but was happy and sad at the same time?? Can't believe she tested both atmo wow... And also could feel that she was trying to save those that didn't study??? a lot of marks are allocated for descriptions and she ask real basic stuff??? I am always so uncertain and worried about my geo answers, especially DRQs fml. I just can't seemed to apply seriously, like econs case study fml omg i just can't seemed do it urgh so annoyed at that part of me. Just praying for a good pass fml
Chi: when schoool is weird enough to have it on their own birthday???? bless the school seriously. But oh well, i ended earlier than most science people so not complaining HAHAHA
It was a mixture of doable and there was so level of difficulty but i think i can pass bah??? Just need to perform for the upcoming language paper so that i can secure a decent score for chinese really. mama is putting too much pressure on chinese fml seriously

***** met up with jeevan after chinese paper & thank god for him because he completed my strenuous week properly *(^+^)* bingsu was on point & catching up was great as well!!!!! but poor jeevan is really feeling it already so really quite worried about that part of him sigh ....... )))): genuinely praying that eventually everything will work out for him sigh!!!1 stay strong my dear!!!!!

2/7: one of the best day of 2016 seriously. Housewarming party was beyond madness and the scale was so huge freak!!!!!! the buffet table, malay buffet, satay station, and plus the one that kept me the most excited and i looked forward to the most----the mini lunlun table!!!!! fml, i died so hard at everything and it was just plain so much fun!!!!!! fireworks were put up as well fml omg and the entire day was just running around, snapping everything around me, non-stop eating and non-stop giggling and all omg :')))))

& fml, why must alan asked me out omfg........can't and seriously don't dare to reject him fml omg. weiran is right, i need to end things right now and seriously leave no traces or hope but urgh, how am i going to bring it up bless me.......Urgh i still got another week plus to consider everything omg....
(friends, i actuall forgotten my birthday is coming until mama kind of reminded me!!! for 18 years of my life, this is the first time i forgotten about my birthday and freak!!!! i forgotten my 18th birthday bless me omg!!!!!)

& bless me part 2, because this month is july month, i am not thinking straight when i am buying stuff, have been using the excuse of, 'this is my month' and i am just impulse buying so much stuff......Bought a wallet & adidas stans smith wow and i am considering to oneshot buying more shoes wth... And spending a lot of money this month definitely unhealthy af omg seriously. But can't seemed to stop.....

Last week of holidays was just pure continuing of studying, and seriously so much for fixing my sleeping patterns and i ended up screwing up even more??? There was these two days, one i slept at 7 and the other one is slept at 9?? And that day that i slept at 7, i woke up at 5 in the afternoon?????!!!! i practically slept my entire day away omg what???? and what kind of fixing when the earliest i slept was only at 3plus and it was only the night before i forced myself to sleep at 1230 but still ended up sleeping for only 3 hours and waking up at 330am and couldn't sleep anymore afterwards. But was definitely knocked out after econs wow. But one thing unbelievable about this holiday was i actually finished around 80% of what i want to accomplish/covered??? This is rather productive for someone like me omg wow HAHAHA
Oh well, i could say this holiday i am rather productive and probably one of the very few times i didn't had to worry about recovering because i didn't even had the time to think of any other things oh well. But thank god for the right mindset and right attitude i perceived during the holidays really :)))))

And yeap, i guesses this is generally everything that happened to me these few weeks :)
hari raya tmr, vvv happy for another public holiday hahaha, chinese language paper on thurs & jeevan birthday as well & really really hoping i can watch finding dory with him!!!
lessons are going to resume next week and thank god for this week because desperately trying to complete the homework and i am back to essays writing!!!!!! and really, my one week of break for that month of hardwork i put in hahaha :)))))

24july is approaching!!!!! honestly, mixed feelings i would say!!! quite excited about it but also feel that i shouldn't be expecting so much because it is during the weekends & everyone is busy as well!!!! and plus, oh well it just means another day closer to As sigh.... and i kind of not ready to accept the fact that i am really going to be 18 already.... wow time legit flies.. and it just feel that i just celebrated my 16th birthday... but oh well, will just allow the day to come and embrace everything that is going to come with it , good or bad :)))))

'You are the reason that i am still able to breathe. You are the reason that i am still here. You are the reason that i am still right here, continuing all for you'



//

Simple Updates

Second week into June Hols, and honestly, i am so confused at my own progress lmao.. It is on track and not at the same time?? But one thing for sure, i am super certain that my progress is way too freaking slow for my own good and i am kind of panicking about that but somehow that brain and mentality is still not here yet wth??? Freaking worrying la wth but i can't seemed to do anything about it bless me please. And the fact that mama is more panicky than me is i think also one of the reason i am not very panicky yet?? wtf i am so done with myself. But because i am not panicky, i study super slowly and i seemed to be able to comprehend and absorb stuff better lmao. I don't even know is this a good or bad thing what even.... Like i wanna know the emergency and the urgency, but i also feel that because i am not scared, i am still real laid back and then still not feeling much freak la wth omg.....

What should i do about this????

Mon: somewhat productive lmao but i did maths and econs so quite happy about that yay nothing much too tbh

Tues: unproductive day I seriously omg didn't accomplish much and only did a bit of econs and i was just so tired. Thanks to econs extra in the morning omg. delphine was so pissed with us, we went from top in the cohort to the second from the bottom lmao. But, miraculously i passed econs CA and was fifith in class wow. And with this, i officially concluded that i passed all my CAs, and with a rank point score of 50. thanks guys, this is super great improvement from SA please omg

Wed: unproductive day II because i was just finishing up the econs from the day before and only did a bit of chinese and i am lagging so much for chinese revision omg ;((((

Thurs: even more unproductive tbvh but i went out and had fun doing shopping so to me, it was a day less wasted compared to the previous two days lmao but idk why, whenever i go out, even i did no shit the entire day, i don't feel as bad as those days i stayed home the entire day and still didn't accomplished much oh well hahah
Did maths for four hours and continuing with econs now, hopefully i can get some shit into me.....
Study progress is definitely super behind compared to my study schedule wtf seriously and i am just so done with myself watching people going out and having fun, and i know that during SA2, they're still going to perform so much better than me fml seriously. 

Fri: Sorry i can't remb already but tbh, everyday is just a repeat of my life over and over again so yeah. Reason why choose to not blog because i see no point in repeating my shit over and over again

Anyway, Third Week into the holiday and we are actually left with one more week left before damn SA2 and urgh, i am so worried because despite all the studying, it is certainly insufficient and my studying progress is legit too slow for my own sake fml seriously but i am just going to continue my own pace and yes, doing my bet this time round.
Anyway, this week was off and not off at the same time. Quite excited for the weekends and new home is legit freaking way too pretty for my own good?? everything is on point af la HAHAHA
ANDDDDDD I FINALLY BOUGHT NEW CLOTHES AFTER A GOOD NINE MONTHS OMG WTH 3/4 OF A YEAR WTH (since sep2015 what even)
SO YESSSSS this week is a much happier week because of wed break, new home, new clothes and better understanding of macroecons & volcanoes as well!!! and not forgetting weekends with more fun, even greater and better company, excellent food & a definitely much more better me and mindset :))))
Stay strong for another week ahead and when the exams are over, let's look forward to a bit of fun because we start the race again :))) you got this my dear!!!!!

'I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for i have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on upon our dispositions, not our circumstances. '

//

Stay strong & Pull through

June Holidays started. Time for some intensive revision. Quite worried about many things, but what is real scary to me is i am really kind of not feeling the fear and all... And this is defintely unhealthy af sigh.... But i am just going to push myself and tell myself to be real discipline so that i am able to pull through everrything and hopefully, i will not waste my holidays omg....

Mon: June Academic Week kicked in. Had econs and physical geo lesson. Ended at 11 and reached home at 1. Was the only one at home and watched rm and slept. RM seemed to be back on track and it seemed to be funny all over again hahah. Had a super good afternoon rest and all. And honestly, didn't do much work the entire day because was lazy and unmotivated sigh....
:(

Tues: Breakfast with jeevan and i realised both of us are actually hiding a lot from each other. We legit don't say a lot to each other and it was for the first time, i don't fight to talk in the silence that we shared lmao. The silence wasn't off or awkward, but i just kind of don't really like it in this sense so yeah hahahah. But breakfast was nice :)
Oh, maths and 3hrs of geo, god bless seriously. Survived them all and was supposed to meet chuken and catch up but nope, mama just loved to spoil everything altogether :-))) not even kidding, sometimes i feel that if i meet up with my friends, i don't feel that even more unproductive omg like wth. When i don't study that day, at least i caught up with my friends and then it will be no regrets and then because i was out, i will actually be more focused and concentrated and all. Oh man, not like i can say any of this to that woman. She is full of only her thoughts and opinions and all seriously. I give up already man. Say whatever you want, do whatever you want. Me not giving any single shit anymore. Sick and tired. Oh, and she just had to call jeevan and chuken again fml. Say that i am not listening to her then what about her seriously omg. Say ten thousand times not to call my friends ust yet and she just had to do it and scared the hell out of them wtf seriously. But, when she told me that yesterday, i really cannot be bothered to give any shit anymore already seriously wth. But i really need to buy them a meal when the year ends seriously omg.
And i requested a holiday at the end of the year because i really at least wanna work towards the holiday but sigh, everything have to be based on prelims wtf. So annoying la i cannot take it. She will never know that and she will never understand but last year, i was working towards Aussie. I had council and Aussie as my end goals so that's why i worked hard and i want to be promoted. This year, i am really kind of not feeling it and tbh, i am worried about that myself as well sigh.... What can i do seriously omg....???? ))):
Oh, and went for lena koh consult for the very first time ever and thank god, it wasn't just me alone so it wasn't that bad.
Didn't accomplished once again and wasted the night and all. Another real unproductive day omg i cannot.

Wed: stupid lena cancelled lessons didn't let us know beforehand so i made my way to school too early wth and seriously wasted so much time in school not even kidding wth. Went to school and slept and when i woke up, first thing i saw was him omg... And i still thought my eyes were playing tricks on me wth...And the best part was i thought i was still dreaming nice.....
(btw, for the third time this week already, i dreamt about him three times already omg wth this is definitely freaking unhealthy af okay people)
Only had econs and came back home. Slept and dreamt about him again wth and finished rm too hahaha
This week, i finished a total of 4 episodes of rm in i think over three days omg hahaha and i guess rm is back on track already and to think i missed 5 weeks in total haha but oh well, it was a nice feeling :)
Okay, time to at least make today somewhat productive and hopefully, i can kick start my june holidays well and i need to stop being trample by people around me wtf
GET OUT OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW
(btw, it was bleh because i finished maths and read my chi lit woohoo but tbh it is not a lot of work lmao oops)

Thurs: an even more unprouctive day but i am not feeling any single sense or tinge of regret or fear lmao wtf is wrong with me seriously i cannot. Super fun day though. Was late for gp lesson hahahah and freak walked into lt1, awkward af. Went to the wrong venue intially and had to left omg even more embarrassing. Then, during lecture, was looking around and i turned around and freak!!!! He was directly RIGHT BEHIND me what.....And i got a shock okay goodbye jieai seriously wth
Lesson ended 1 hour earlier woohoo and went to taka wow. Ate good food and spent an entire afternoon following parents around and not doing any shit at all hahaha. Came home and fell asleep immediately??? And freak guys!!!! I did hair treatment for the very first time in my life!!!!!! HAHAHA chemical smelled weird but okay, for my hair it is worth it :)
Slept late but only read one part of climate lmao gg af I cannot

Fri: probably the best day of this week already. And the best end to my academic week ☺️☺️
Maths was omg, and I need to start figuring my shit fml. Chi consult was real comprehensive but I got roasted lmao. Chi lesson slight waste of time but the discussion earlier on was real detailed and through so yay!!!!! But highlight of the day is lunch with chuken & dinner with jeevan!!! ☺️☺️ lunch with chuken was so needed and so important and finally I told him so many stuff that happened at home sigh.. Broke down again and it was for the first time, I think I really wanna fight the battle. Fight the battle with mum. It is going to be a super tough and super draining fight and battle, but that's no turning back. It's a path and road that has no backroad and I can't backdown, or else everything will backfire on me and I will die an even more horrible and painful death. I'm too fearful of the future and whatever that will happen. I need to toughen up and be strong and be persistent. I need to be real strong, physcially and most importantly, mentally. I need to win. Because there's no second option. Time to plan the strategy during the weekends. And I can't let chuken down, and most importantly, I can't let myself down anymore. It's time for me to start being firm and start being strong. Thank you chuken, I am going to make it. I'm going to emerge as the winner.
And after the super serious and intense talk and lecture and problem solving session, dinner was full of stupid shit. Was late for jeevan meetup but the moment we met, we started arguing over real minor and real stupid issue. But you know what, I won't want it the second way. I won't want it any other way 💜💙💜💙 saw angie and isabelle, awkward af but can't be bothered la wth. Omg we legit need to stop arguing stupid things hahaha. But sigh, being dumb and all makes me real comforting and the times are really enjoyable hahah ✨✨ thankful for jeevan, thank you for the good evening 🐶🎾💜💙 thank you for arguing with me, for laughing and smiling with me & thank you for always wanting to hang out altogether. Thank you for willing to invest time with me 💜💙💜💙
And us two, we need to stop swapping roles hahaha 😂😂 and then thanks for the company during alumni talk :) alumni talk is really really rewarding, enriching, helpful, fruitful, engaging and entertaining. Thank you for this opportunity, really much appreciated :'))))
And sigh, during the session with psychologist, I hate the fact that she spoke my thoughts and my inner thoughts, and I almost broke down again. Thankfully, I held back fml seriously. But all three sessions were really really really so beneficial and I geninuely learnt so much. They made me feel that A levels ain't a big monster at all omg. Two of them actually said that after this year, it's really not the end omg. And can I say, no one else ever actually told me those words until today wtf?? Why is our world so fucking screwed up in this sense seriously fml. I felt like actually I don't have to rush through everything and I can actually be myself and all. But then, the last speaker just said it was all about studying hard and yeah, I'm going to head her advice :) because what she said is right, I need to do well to shut people mouth up and I need to do well to prove my worth 👊👊👊
But thankful for the session & thankful for the good times in the afternoon, I feel that I'm able to be strong and also I feel more comfortable about my future too :)
Today has been the best day this week, though no study did, but thankful for everything that was put into my life. I have finally learned and grown both mentally and spiritually  ☺️💜✨


'You are still right here because the battle ain't over. You're still here because you haven't prove your worth. You are still here because you're still super strong and ain't ready to admit defeat yet.'
Jiayou jieai, you're so much more than you know 💪💪💪






//

Last week of fun & Great Moments, Goodbye Term 2 ;

HEYYYYY FRIENDS IT IS THE END OF SCHOOL TERM AND ALOHA HOLIDAYS WOOHOO ☺️☺️😋😋😇😇
This week, there's only three days of school but then freak, there's still many many things that happened like wth wow. I died tbh. But overall, it was alright altogether :)

Mon; Vesak Day holiday and I think it was just stay-home catching up and trying to finish up work and rushing like mad because I did no shit during the weekends NICE (nice is my new word btw)
And then AQ was so hard wth seriously I can't 😢😢😢 and yeah nothing much.
BUT, I took my phone guys lmao

Tues; woke up with a headache and a freaking big ulcer at the throat so it was freaking sore-ing and like slight and real mild fever also sigh
Invest rehearsal in the morning so I got to school but was thinking maybe leaving halfway but ended up can't even hold on to the second period and left after human geo tutorial NICE
Make a trip to times bookstore to buy chuken birthday present and was a true hobo when I just plotted myself on the floor and look at all the books. SO YESSSS
And then went home, giddy af and headache was a real bitch not even kidding. Slept for a while and headache didn't subside. Got up and went down to get medicine and eat something. Ate Panadol in the clinic lmao (bc I need a mc) and still feel real giddy. And doc insisted of giving me medicine as well when I legit don't want it but I really can't argue with him already so I just whatever fml. Then later, was contemplating damn hard should I go buy the balloon too but fml it was so uncomfortable but I still went anyway. Bought the balloon and I'm like, OKAY I NEED TO GO HOME NOW.
Dropped dead and slept again AND FREAK WHEN I WOKE UP LATER, HEAD NOT PAIN ANYMORE 🙌🙌🙌
Got up and did some work, including rushing cards fml. But still couldn't finish it omg.
And was faking accused of ponning school 🙄🙄 coming from the one that always say I can't miss school fml seriously

Wed; HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY TELEPATHIC BUDDY & IS IT INVESTITURE 2016 ✨✨✨
Was even excused from school early and then insisted chuken to carry the balloon around hahaha and then like entire day was quite alright because quite excited for investiture also hahaha.
And investiture came !!!! walked the stage the last time and also was sent to the back of the hall to watch the remaining part of the ceremony. And watching them all walk and recite the oath honestly bring back so many memories omg 😢😢😢 and yeah school song sang AND YESSS IT IS ALL OVER !!!!!! (Melissa came back btw)
Photo taking friends!!!! Going around taking photos and was celebrating chuken birthday as go home gang when I realised I lost my council badge FUCK
I dropped it somewhere that I have no idea where is it and I was just panicking the whole time looking for it wtf seriously someone kill me omg.
OMG I DROPPED MY BADGE ON THE DAY I STEPPED DOWN HOW GREAT OF A HUMAN AM I OMG SERIOUSLY
But the thing I don't even know where or when I dropped it and the freaking hall so big fml la wth so when I talked to ms nunis, she's said its okay and then she will get me a new one!!!! BUT!!!!! The new one is the silver one and ours is the gold one wth!!!! 😢😢😢 Super sad la plus now I can't wear uniform already dammit !!!!!
But we sang birthday song for chuken & took photo, and we created go home gang 3.0 ✈️✈️✈️ NICE HAHAHAHA
(with the addition of Kenn)
And went around taking photos, and seriously MA4 are such losers wth HAHAHA
And then welfare comm also, everything is over so really time to put down everything :) and also chuken, Muhila, jeevan & campaign group 4 and sigh, everything is really really over 😢😢😢
And omg go home gang was still around, and they were helping to clear the chairs but it was freaking fun when they were pushing the trolleys around HAHAHAH, had a good time going high and screaming for my life with them around oops (but not helping at all) and then also we went to eat chuken birthday cake omg !!!!! Collected my plaque as well!!!! And omg jeevan also wrote and drew me a card!!!! 😢😢😢 and the day ended with me going home FINALLY IN A LONG TIME WITH GO HOME GANG OMG !!!!!!!
lame shit: so when i was looking around for people during photo taking, I witnessed something that OBVIOUSLY didn't want to, and was rather affected by it. I went fuck my life when I saw it, but I said a second fuck my life for my instant reaction. I was so angry, disappointed, affected and hated myself so much the whole time for feeling that way, because I AM NOT supposed to feel it that way wth 🙄🙄🙄
(jeevan and melissa were hugging)
& also, I genuinely thought that both of them will hang out or go for dinner but jeevan ended up going home alone, which I was very shocked???? But I was like wow okay hahah
DAMMIT WTF I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH SERIOUSLY OMG IT IS NOT EVEN RIGHT LA GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER OMG
& then in the night, mama found out about the phone and then of course she raged and all but I managed to negotiate to have my phone until the week ends (and today is already friday sigh...)
So yeah, a super eventful day but vvv glad of all the things that happened :)))))

Thurs; freak!!!!!! Lena tutorial and star were cancelled so we ended sch two hours earlier!!!!!!! met up with joel and heard the most unbelievable thing from him ever HOW GREAT HOW WONDERFUL WOOHOO 🤗🤗🤗 so he confessed to me and then I was like wow but then I felt bad again because freak!!!!!!!! all the times I talked so much to him abt jeevan and actually that idiot hinted to me so much so so much and I'm just that dumb shit that didn't catch any of the hints AND FUCK MY LIFE
Still in a state of shock and disbelief I can't even wth!!!!!! But yeah, it got me thinking so hard omg and then I realised actually everyone caught the hint and everyone kind of guessed it AND I AM THE LAST ONE LEFT DUMB SHIT I CANNOT
but oh well, last day of school & last day of official lesson so vvv happy and excited about sports day & hot fest yay!!!!!!!

Fri; sports day!!!!!! super excited about today & freak guys, my class is running!!!!! 🙃🙃🙃 Lena bought us food and drinks because we were running but we ended up as last fml
Because actually, I really don't know was it me or denise that dropped the baton so apparently we were disqualified like that fml. And I heard we were leading at the start but I was so angry and affected because I felt it was me that led to whatever that happened sigh 😔😔😔 sorry a02, I failed you all like that sigh ...... but afterwards, it was more bonding session with limweiran and she was trembling the whole time when I told her that incident and lmao, she was in more shocked than me fml hahah but yeah, that poor girl is also going through so much because of her screwed up class and a very particular bitch wth seriously 🙄🙄🙄 stay strong my dear weiran 💪💪 time to fight those negativity and stand up for yourself and don't let those bunch of losers get to you okay!!!!!!!
And feeling quite affected by whatever happened and freak la, came to school with a god damn sore throat and blocked nose and apparently, my voice changed as well fml.
Towards the end of sports day, was feeling giddy and uncomfortable both physically and mentally seriously wth. Super sad because was anticipating today so hard and looked what happened to me seriously fml la wth 😕😕😕
But I ended my sports day with the most unexpected and random and impromptu lunch with jeevan wow
So it was just I wanted to take photo with him and then he already left the school but then he said he can wait for me outside school!!! I left the school and don't know what happened, he asked me what happened earlier on and we ended up going for lunch wow
Changi Airport and had ramen for lunch hahaha & nope, we didn't take our photos wow
HAHAHAHAHAHA
but yeah, thank god for a nice company and comfort & thank god for a comforting lunch as well ☺️☺️☺️ jeevan is becoming one great mvp in my life hahaha
And really, we are always so impromptu & super unexpected as well but sigh, it was definitely a pleasant surprise 💙💜💙💜
AND THE NIGHT EVENT GUYS HOT FEST 2016!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
So much jumping, no sound screaming & having fun !!! ☺️☺️☺️ omg freak I really love hot concert seriously!!!!!
And the lineup was really really good omg, all the songs picked + all the performers + visual designs + freak the committee is legit omg!!!! This year, hot fest 2016 really outdo themselves omg!!!! 10 bucks was worth it man omg!!!!! 💓💓💓
And then was sweating like mad after it, so much workout wth more workout than sports day please seriously omg.
And post-hot concert was also fun!!! Taking photos and all but actually got chased out by attendants so badly seriously wth I cannot !!! And stupid jeevan I cannot omg!!!!!!!! Hope he's well and all omg but yeah!!!! Ended the night with xiaobitches so all's good ☺️☺️☺️

AND FINALLY; this concludes my term 2 and aloha holidays!!!!! it was a good last week of school because of all the events that happened + all the fun I had as well!!!!

(and yes, it's time to study sigh)

'Everyday may not be good, but there's something good in Everyday.'
Here's a big thank you to all the sweethearts in my life 💖💖💖


//

Hardwork now, sweetness later

A week with so much in me, didn't really started out well but towards the week, vvv thankful for everything that happened and sigh, concluding that after experience the worst, whatever afterwards is certainly the rewards and tasting those fruits of labour and hardship 💪💪 

Mon;

High af fml. But I think I am high for the wrong reason wow. Basically he wasn't in school because he went for his commando interview and all. And okay, when I saw his snap in the morning and he said, 'I know you will be sad, because you don't get to see me in the morning' and I was just like, hmm wow okay...(bc he kind of speak my mind wth...) and so I had to cover up by saying, 'more like you don't get to see me you don't be sad' fml what am I doing seriously......

And I told hidayah and pingxin regarding this shit and i genuinely hope I don't screw things up already?? And me and hidayah went off to talk somewhere and we left the other two there. Sorry friends, I just don't feel very comfortable sharing to some of you regarding some issues so yeah. 

But yeah, the entire day was alright but when mama came and picked me up, I was late for ten mins and she decided to text and called chuken and jeevan :-)))) my dear chuken was having his ca and jeevan wasn't in school!!!!! How the hell are they going to find me wtf. I felt so bad towards the both of them and I had to apologised ON HER BEHALF and then I had to explained the situation ON HER BEHALF omg, and who was the one that's ALWAYS late when she comes to pick me and she tell me not to be late wow. Anyway, she was late for half an hour and she still asked me back, she was late??? WOW, and who was the one that insisted the timing when I tried to push it back so hard wtf 

Omg, our relationship is going to get so bad by the end of the year and seriously, it's not about A levels anymore omg. The ties is going to be vulnerable and I fear that we are going to argue over real trivial matters next time and then we will start not hang out anymore unless necessary because of all the misunderstandings and conflicts then I don't wanna clarify and I let you on like that seriously. Fml

Tues;

Nightmare and horror of the week. But was it because whatever I was going to experience for the rest of the week so way too beautiful and that's why I'm going through so hard that day??? 

Slept for 4/5 of the lessons and I cried too much already seriously. I cried three times wow how even. Twice when I met weiran during the break and we talked about jieai being so sad right now, and when everyone is suffering from jieai-deficient, she's suffering from life-deficient and she's on a life support right now 

HAHAHAHA that actually cracked me up so much I swear hahaha 

And the last time was she was late when she came and picked me up and then I tried negotiating and it turned into a toxic af lecture and then I ended up crying so hard and I cried to bed as well. I was so tired the entire day and then it was so awful wtf. I went home and just slept over it. But it was just so painful la wth I hate it so much I hate it 

Wed;

Because when yesterday was too painful, today feels like a dream. And sigh, I think my Wednesdays are generally my best day of the week. And it was too good to be true wow. 

What a bittersweet day omg. Last day in the council room and we officially handed over the room to them omg 😢😢😢 

Morning was just plain noisy and making so much noise and laughing so hard. And my day ended early also because last lesson was cancelled hahaha. I ended at 12, oh technically 1150 because someone wanted to come and remove the fan and I just said, since we are left with 10mins, just end already and yes, ms tan was like okay la, hahaha!!!!! I love ms tan 5eva omg!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ 

went to council room afterwards and freak I was there since 12 and all the way onwards. stupid joachim put the luck on my bag and I had to plead with everyone to unlock it but only nice jeevan did it for me!!! He couldn't unlock it and us two were slightly panicking but thank god it was out??? 

And yeah, we ended up on the sofa again talking about life :)))) I talked about toxic Tuesday and he shared wonderful Monday hahaha, it was fun talking about random shit in life and it wasn't for once awkward and had pockets of odd silence omg freak so happy hahaha ☺️☺️☺️ oh, and we ended up going for lunch together wow. It was really a very nice feeling and sigh, it was just fun 💜💙💜💙 

Oh ya, councillors were playing monopoly and screaming like mad in the room and then there are some of us, just sitting down there like bosses while waiting for juniors to figure out the lock hahaha. I love the room la wth and we are giving it up already.

And logs head is raj (expected so it's okay) but bless his team not even kidding stay strong raj 💪💪 and have fun figuring out what's in the room and have a great time working with your team. And by the end of the council term, you're able to transform everything into something amazing, it's your success and it's your 31st logistics comm proudest moment ✨✨

Oh, and when juniors entered the room, ms nunis went like, 'whatever you guys need/want from the room, ask jeevan/jieai and tbh, at the moment, I really felt like a proud mum and then so much great satisfaction and achievement in me because really, only us two know the room so well enough I cannot. 

(random: I swear I didn't realise us two were sitting the same way, like sitting up straight and arms folded and looking at juniors unlocking the door omg freak) 

And invest rehearsal, and it was nothing much but it was nice attending council stuff again and also the very last time already anyway sigh.

Rehearsal ended, and when we went back to council room, wow the lock was stuck and then we couldn't open that shit and only to realise that juniors accidentally reset the lock wow. But lmao, when they were figuring out the lock outside the room, they were thinking of using tools to break open that shit, so they got me into the room (you can actually enter the room without unlocking the door hahaha) and then when I wasn't able to find it, they got jeevan to come in also via the wrong way, and then while others were figuring out the lock, we ended up talking even more and I tried finding hammer/mellet and all and we ended up talking about guides and scouts lmao and also family hahaha, it was super random but then we ended up just waiting for them to unlock and all already oops 

OH OH OH HAHAHAH ; we went ikea together too btw oops >>>> to get Ian present okay!!!!!! 

Took the bus there and was awkward af because there was raj and shuihan there as well wow but thank god they didn't really notice us so hahaha..

Spent a long time discussing which frame to buy and how are we going to decor it and all oops 

And because it was too late, he panicked and then he and chuken had to work together again lmao hahaha but mama feel sick so oh well

Cabbed home eventually because it was damn late already hahaha but sigh, it was way too much fun already the entire day, and I spent too much time with him in one day right hahaha but sigh, it was fun. Just fun ☺️☺️☺️

💜💙💜💙

Thurs;

A mixture of good and bad actually. Like Delphine, Wendy and Lena all were not there for lessons!!!!! Had a super long break & I went off to make the present for Ian and then more jeevan for the day hahaha. And freak, we were so damn efficient and omg, I really love this work relationship because we are always super efficient and effective I cannot!!!! 

And I went back for lecture and afterwards, school ended two hours early for me hahaha!!!!! And I went back to write more cards and also a small note for Ian as well! But sigh, I felt so sad about myself and also super apologetic towards joel because we missed each other just like that and then we didn't hang out together as well omg!!! And poor joel even injured himself during the heats omg freak!!! I felt so bad towards him and really, we also haven't been hanging out with him and freak la, I miss him also wth omg and yeah, went home late (she didn't come btw) too but oh well oops.  

But really proud of myself for wed and thurs because I completed my todo list a lot yay!!!!

Fri;

Another super satisfying day from this week really :')))

Star was cancelled so I ended school earlier, but get well soon alright ms huang 😢😢 

Lunch was funny because I spent a long time debating with jeevan, claudia and chuken were so done with us because we were contradicting ourselves hahaha but I missed talking to chuken and I legit need to catchup with him already WTF MAMA GET OUT LA OMG

and the afternoon was so messy because me and weiran wanted to go for guides pop but then what's annoying was the investiture rehearsal timing wasn't confirmed, and I heard four timings wow :-)) 

and I was also feeling a bit worried because I wasn't able to attend the rehearsal but I don't want to cancel on weiran as well because honestly we haven't been catching up + i miss weiran a lot, a lot.

but thankfully, i was able to attend half an hour of rehearsal and i left afterwards hahaha

and we missed the entire pop but we got the food though HAHAHAHA

but the trip there & on our way home, we were just non-stop talking, going on and on the whole time and seriously just letting all out, zero filter omg. I was so thankful for this because I can finally say everything and anything on my mind and then when we come together, there won't be a breathing time because we just keep on say so many things altogether and freak, I love these moments omg :'))) 

Though I missed rehearsal, no regrets I swear. But the food was also not bad hahah, and it was really nice going back to Chung Cheng and taking a look at everything, from the infrastructures, to people and the legendary lake :')))) 

Everything was oddly strange and familiar at the same time, and wow it doesn't feel the same anymore sigh. I missed Chung Cheng tbh, I missed it as a whole and I genuinely can't really pinpoint out what I missed most but I think I miss everything in general bah :)

But for tpjc, I think I will know what I miss though. I will miss the people, my favourite council and all the great friends and memories I made here. tpjc gave me one of the greatest and best memories for the rest of my life and I am thankful for it ☺️☺️

And long weekend ahead so quite happy about it !!! :')))) and can't wait for the last week of school already omg!!! holidays are coming and time to work harder and time to shine during sa2 yay!!!!!

边缘间，傻了

我想我真的不小心喜欢上你了。
我真的惨了。
我不小心玩过火了。
原来， 你早已在我心中种下根。
原来，你已悄悄变成我脑海挥之不去的画面。
原来，你，不如说我，我已踏进那滩浑水，欲罢不能。

惨了，真的是惨了。
我都不知道该怎么办，
都说到如此地步了，
我可以做什么呢？
我好无助，我也没想到我会陷入如此局面。
我从未想到我竟然会面对这个问题。
原本还信誓旦旦没问题。。。结果，我成了这样。
我非常有信心不会发生，
我快要疯了。
先是不同宗教，现在是不同宗族，
问题更难，更棘手了，真是傻了。
我该怎么停止这一次呢？我可以做什么呢？


爱上了一个我不该爱上的人。
我，真的玩完了。
彻彻底底地死了。
惨了、疯了、傻了
如何是好？我又该何去何从？


不要再对我好，
我好怕，
我怕，我会越陷越深；
到时，真的是回不了头了。
我宁愿，你开始不喜欢和我在一起。
我宁愿，你开始选择避开我，离我远去；
那我也更容易死心，
不再对你抱有任何希望和期待。
而我，也能更快地从这场梦苏醒，
不再继续痴心妄想。

TRAMAtised Week..

Okay, wow so apparently, i am more than screwed friends, because i think i am officially warned about the stupid issue and i think i am seriously moving towards the real unhealthy side. Friends, i am not kidding. I think i am really really starting to fall for a specific someone and of course, i am seriously steering towards the certainly extremely unhealthy af and wrong side, without a doubt. Ang you know what is the best part, i think i just made the cray cray internal war much more harder by increasing and leveling up the difficulty so much more than before and i just gave myself the craziest and probably another internal homework that i have to complete before the year of this year, or maybe if possible before As. It is certainly becoming more and more screwed up and god bless jieai seriously. She jumped into the deep deep DARK (literally) hole already.

oh btw, mama decided to be the best mum of 2016 and she decided to ferry me everyday after school with the reasoning that i can save more time on traveling and look less cui when i reached home. And she requested for my timetable and yup, this is definitely monitoring me on a whole new level and nope, i am not going to dwell too much because the rant certainly can't be stopped :-) i have much more important issues to address, no time for stupid and dumb shit in life.

Mon: day 1 of trying to pick me up and it is already causing so much trouble thanks man :-)
Celebrated felicia birthday because to make up my dumb mistake from last week and i swear, it was one of the most awkward celebration ever?? jeevan didn't even bothering getting up from his seat wth lmao HAHAAHAH but oh well, she was the last one so we officially cleared the list??
Anyway, was feeling a slight of pity that i couldn't see him before i went home but i guessed all the breaks made up for it??? And we were this close of doing MA but we didn't had to, but i had this little wish that we had to do because 1) i miss MA 2) it is him.....
(i am seriously going down the wrong way so hard....)
Maths CA too, thankful it was alright and it is possible to pass but doing well is another thing all over again omg seriously sigh. And i got back my chi CA too, so i apparently i passed on the dot this time and can i say this is the first time that i actually passed a lit test or even essays wth??? hahaha, and i realise my mistake was i wrote too little wasted af la omg ):

Tues:
Human Geo CA, paper was okay but quite uncertain about some of my answers but overall, still feeling good about the paper because it is probably my best performing paper out of so many lmao
Morning, when i came to school i saw him all alone in the council room so i just went in and plotted myself right the seat beside him....He was thrown to do MA last minute because of a dumb person in general and it was the very first time that i watched him do MA, not me as the announcer of course. We have been doing it so much together that i never get the chance of seeing how he does it and all but sigh, first time watched him did it??? Was a bit sad when me no wear uniform, cause legit missing MA and tbh it felt so odd watching him doing with someone else, fml i call this overly attached working partner. And after MA, wendy goh called them and talked to them and that got me worried so i found him during break and yeah, found out that actually wendy goh was expressing her misses for them lmao hahah but thank god it was nothing serious omg but it was so funny hahaha!!!!
Nothing much afterwards and i left school at 4plus how wonderful :-)

Wed:
Bingsu date with chuken and i am feeling so thankful and completed as whole. Confessed so many shit to him too oh well...i told him everything regarding my recent concern and the great boy that caused me so much concerns recently woohoo :)
hahahah mam kind of know i went out to eat but she didn't question much so oh well. And seriously, Bingo is one great bingsu place and yes, i am going back to try all of your different other bingsu flavours i love the devil's bingsu we ate so much freak it was so so good i died omg 💜💜💜
And today is another i-cannot-stop-stealing-glances-day what's new right? :)
GP CA too and tbh, i am so thankful that i could write my essay because of him. So apparently, i saw and prepared the wrong questions for GP and was kind of worried but i saw jeevan in council room i went in and asked him about GP. He told me what he did and the points he wrote. And not kidding i ended up copying everything he said and took all of his points. Poor boy needed to do his physics work but he still helped me think of examples and research for me and i ended pu taking his phone and further research of other examples for all my points... jeevan you're still the best omg screw that girl omg seriously like stop rubbing my salt and repeatedly says the same thing over and over again and not helping me at all wth seriously omg rude af i cannot
love you jeevan thanks for being such a sweetheart even though you legit could have rejected me omg 💜💜💜 you're definitely so much better than some people i know omg thank YOU so much omg 💜💜💜💜💜
NE Dialogue session and i didn't fell alseep but actually it was because i slept during my break and so yeah
FREAK I LOVE MS TAN YAN YAN OMG
Maths lesson was so tiring and i am just so done with school so i just randomly, 'ms tan can we call it a day already' 20mins to the end of lesson and her next line was, 'okay la, we end here now'
And I was just like omg, ms tan are you for real?? i was just being retarded omg freak!!!! And before we left, she said to us that we much get an A, and yes i made that resolution, for my As i am going to make sure i got an A for my h1, doing it all for you ms tan really. I am so thankful for you,ms tan and yes, i am doing it for you, i am doing well for you, i am not going to disappoint you anymore because you're worthy of me working hard for you :')))
And wed was probably the best day, from jeevan in the morning to an okay GP CA to the loveable ms tan to bleh dialogue session & finally, my highlight of the day---my Bingsu date 💜💜💜
This was probably the best way to conclude my CA2 :)))

Thurs:
Passed him some lozenges because poor him seemed to be suffering quite a bit from sore throat omg :/ but thankfully he was alright yay!!!!
damn freaking tiring and i just hate my thursdays in general because it is truly the worst day of the entire week (and i have no idea why can i never miss lessons on thurs nothing really happens on a thurs wth???) but when thursdays are over, i actually feel accomplished and that i am actually able to achieve something in life lmao weird af
But yeah, thursdays are just bad and i hate thursdays fml
I hate thursdays so much but i always look forward to the end because i am always thankful for joel that i can just speak my mind and rattle on and on about everything and anything and discuss about him too :-)))

Fri:
Was supposed to meet jeevan today to hang out and have fun but nope, mama just had to come in and spoil all my fun omg :-))) she insisted of picking me up when wtf we fucking agreed that this entire month you will give it to me??? I was so fucking pissed off and annoyed i swear i cannot.
And i felt so bad towards him too because i called for it and i had to cancel it as well fml seriously wth rude af la. But i think i know why i am like that, mainly was it was him. Like i was actually quite excited to meet him, have fun and all but nope, all plans were dashed :-))) But he wasn't angry about it and he told me it was all okay and we can always fix another day but sigh, it was very last friday and she still had to take it all away fml. My life is legit left with nothing else anymore wow. Even blogging is done in such a secretive manner urgh
Next week is guides pop and i am already not attending invest rehearsal and the very last week is the track and field meet and hot concert and nope, i got no more fridays left friends :-))))
Anyway, i think i am kinda starting to like fridays a lot hahah, like pe is already good☺️☺️☺️and then omg, chi consult in the morning is just so productive and helpful and also physical geo star is also freaking enlightening omg i cannot freak i love all these sessions so much but sigh, because of timetable that's why they're all on fridays so i ended up can't end any early so yeah sigh pie...
PE lesson?? More like stealing glances lessons wth and i unexpectedly told pingxin and hidayah, okay i think i am done for the day already?? :-)
Could have ended the week better but nope, look what happened and sigh, i still somewhat upset about it and still felt that it was a pity oh well sigh......

It has been one tough week fighting against the stupid and wrong feelings in me, dealing with mama and her real unbelievible and unreasonable shit and yeah, trying to study and get my shit altogether at the same time. So tiring, goodnight and goodbye.

'Can the world just stop moving for a moment to catch my breath please?'

//

3 weeks altogether ;

Okay, wow i can't even imagine how long this will be seriously omg. It comprises three weeks shit how even wow and i guess no phone just makes everything bad and shit oh well. Guess who has CA next week but then i pick blogging because this is due for three weeks and seriously, this takes priority over anything wth omg i need to blog because this is where i am the most raw and i really just needs a channel to let everything in me out, zero filter. And i can't afford writing because towards the end, it will just get worse and then handwriting is just wtf already so nope. Plus typing is hence better in this sense. Too much writing impossible man wth. Anyway, lets get into everything already seriously.

WEEK 1:
First week without a phone. Honestly, i thought i was going to die. It was so terrible, okay it IS so terrible lmao. And actually, i felt so lost not even kidding. I was crying so much, literally and internally. Like, i didn't know what to do and i just felt so awful, plus ptm was so terrible and when i am constantly reminded of what happened plus when i had to tell many people about the terrible shit, i will feel like break down again and so yeah, i can't control myself either urgh. Like i think i broke down 3 times, and lost count of the number of times i was on the verge of breaking down. Tbh, thinking back now it still feels awful wth. And then, the week was so hard to get by wth. I think i don't even wanna deny the fact that i am so freaking addicted to my phone, but at the same time i really can't live without it sigh. What a terrible girl seriously.

Mon; PW Results Day. Honestly, want my phone because i thought it was a very important day so i wanted the phone but nope, she refused to give it to me wth. And omg the entire day was so horrible seriously i cannot. And i purposely went home late also tbh HAHAHA but oh well, the thing is i kind of wanna study in school also but i was quite happy cause i finally bought the shoelaces that i wanted to make for blue and purple and then he came with me yay. AND I GOT AN A FOR PROJECT WORK OMG YESSSSSSSSSS
And, it was also TP119 and A02 that we got As!!!!!!!! There were so much screaming by A02 super funny hahaha, super cute at the same time. Like individuals that just collected at the front were screaming, and then when the entire results slip was released to the class, it became a screaming session and omg, everyone was so happy because everyone was crying and screaming together and then like we were all hugging together as well omg woohoo :') TP119 IS SO GREAT OMG
Hardwork really paid off and we went through so much together as a group, all the pain and laughter we had seriously. It was certainly and no doubt a super tough journey, but thankful that my team was still really together and we all know the importance and work towards the goal together so yes, i am still really thankful my teammates were them and no one else :)))
Oh well, reached home super late but then oh well got scolded duh but aiya mutual bad feelings oops. And actually it is okay la lmao, i was just so unhappy because my phone is gone oh well.
But then. when i tried making the tennis ball keychain, the ball is too heavy so it is hard to put them together :( so i could only make a keychain oh well, but okay la it is quite nice to me too yay, because the colours surprising super matching and the contrast created is really great yay. And actually i made a black&white one too, but wow actually he didn't like black but omg, he still took it :') but i think he took it because i made it hahah.

Tues; Meet Blue&Purple, actually i would call it the second representative of Blue & Purple, because i made the keychain and then i hang it on both our bags, and omg tbh now that i look at it, this week is the third week already lmao. SHIT i just realised the keychains would be how long i don't have my phone omg gg HAHAHA
So yeah, and fuck my life seriously, because followup session with lena koh fuck my life and fuck her omg whenever i think about that issue, all i can think of is fuck and more fuck and just more fuck and plain fuck and nothing else omg seriously. WHAT THE FUCK SHE WANTS OMG
like omg, i love how she knew she is the third party but then she still wanna ask what happened afterwards and then she still wanna help me solve my family problems??? And i loved how she asked me how am i now that is my phone is gone omg :-))))))) and then she goes on and on about me being unfilial and then how rude af i am. okay, fine not going to deny that of myself but can we stop there already seriously omg. Oh, and she even asked me am i mixing with the bad influence wow and i am like did you just insult my social circle thanks man :) And she continued on about how i can be better and i am just went okay and non-stop nodding because i really want to just end this freaking shitty and annoying af and useless convo with her, because the more i hear the more unhappy it made me wow
Super unhappy and wtf i couldn't take it and i just broke up after i left wth seriously omg
And i am even more angry about myself, because why am i so affected by AN OUTSIDER'S WORDS WTHHHHH urgh who is she seriously omg get out omg
And the entire day was just plain awful omg. First round of breaking down
Oh and on the same day, i told joel and second time of breaking down and told jeevan afterwards. I need to stop breaking down. Because the entire weekend was all about breaking down and/or on the verge of crying super unhappy and so affected by it wth.
Day two of unhappiness

Wed; i think it was another awful day but tbh can't really remb much what happened on the day already but oh well, how much better can it gets right? :-))))

Thurs; longest day ever but it was also the one of the most tiring day for the week i think. It was just plain bad seriously omg i cannot. And i looked so off that wow jeevan caught my super off face oh well. I don't even know anymore, like idek how ti hide everything else because i am just affected and i can't believe i feel like crying even more because my life is seriously FUCKING pathetic right not because i can't even blog anymore. I even going to lose my very last place to run away from all the unhappiness in my life temporarily and i am going to be so done with education and wth should i just take a year from education wth, so what i started uni late because i think i am really so done with this year already wth wth
Lessons ended at 6, and thursdays are my worst days because it is my longest day and then i am like so drained, and things are bad la wth omg. Met joel and round 3 of breaking down i think the enitre day was just feel with so much unhappiness and me feeling real shit and all sigh. I honestly didn't know how i got through the day but what i guessed allowed me to go on was it was elearning the next day so yeah
And met up with joel and weiran too, and talked to joel and also told weiran the entire situation oh well i concluded she was a real true bitch when she asked her to break away from her close friends???? And so she made friends with benefits so she basically abandoned those that are of no use to her. Wow no wonder she has no friends and she is all alone :-))))
One word to describe me: distorted

Fri; elearning day. Super inconvenient because everyone was using the phone to transmit the messages around and then like, i just lost out on everything??? Actually, i found my phone but oh well i failed to take it so stupid me again lorh. And then elearning so i got the com entire day, and skype chat with joel in the morning, skye with chuken for 3 hours (no regrets, no fucking regrets okay) and skype chat with jeevan.
And wow, jeevan gave me one super surprising and sweet encouragement so yeah :)
elearning was so stupid and i rather attend school because wth i ended up with more work to be done????? and the entire day was real productive because not only i completed my work, i even caught up with my friends so yeah, it was real good :)))

Sat-Sun; nothing to say much because i am just apparently stuck with more work and no phone oh well.
Oh, and about nalan, told him about it too hahahah oh well, so we are back on ig direct lmao and he was sad and i guess it is even harder for us to chat anymore oops sorry alan!!!

It was just a week filled with sadness + annoyance + disgust + and generally me being real affected that's all.

WEEK 2:
Forgotten to write down about this week lmao, so i am going to be just based on memory seriously lmao hahaha
legit can't remb much already but i was just so caught up with physical geo CA and omg, i didn't study for chi gg and i just went to take the paper like that. Sigh, i just felt that i still won't do well for my physical geo lorh wth even though i studied some parts of it. And chi wow. I don't even wanna talked about it tbh lmao. It was so pathetic wth. But oh well, the day before phy geo i slept at 3 so no complains and i was totally knocked out when i got home and didn't study at all for chi. But omg, the teacher said i made improvement this time so i was really like this >>> O_O
And yeah, the only thing that probably made me better was probably the go home gang lunch i called for, because it was plain fun and enjoyable and laughing my heart out and just talk about life and all hahaha. Changi Airport lunch and bingsu afterwards yay man :))
And skype session with chuken omg hahaha love skype session with him the most seriously omg hahaha it is always super comforting and rewarding so yeap!!!! Got caught but whatever seriously. Hate the fact even the com is being taken away every now and then like wow thanks man :-)))
And okay, mon was rather great because of the little note and efforts from jeevan hahaha and also thurs evening with joel wow, i loved spending time with him so much and okay, now i remb what is the highlight of the week already >>> jeevan
The entire week concern was about him and my feelings so yeah and the internal war that i had to fight thanks man woohoo
For more info, please read below thanks friends
And he replied my email and then he told me he got something to tell me and the way he said it made me felt quite worried and scared about what he was going to say but yeah we cleared it already so all's good :)

Long labour weekend as well, so prepared for econs but i probably still screwed up sigh, why am i so bad seriously like urgh omg...Oh and rather productive, probably the phone does caused a lot of trouble, but without it, it also cause trouble so ..........
Practiced maths too, and feeling much better about it too so yay

WEEK 3 (this week):
Getting used without a phone but blogging is still one major issue that we have to work on fml seriously. And actually this weekend i was able to focus and really i didn't think about him but.....

Tues; saw him again and i went SHIT, and then i said SHIT again and i am just so done with myself la wth. Screwed up for econs again and probably will do worse than those that had A div and panorama urgh, what a loser seriously. All damn studying were wasted as well, great job jieai :-)

Wed; super sleepy in class and i fell asleep during assembly lmao, so embarrassing man. Was supposed to jeevan to clear the receipt work but poor weiran had so much to rant and then so yeah heard her rant and told her some stuff about my clique and class too. Conflicting af when i see these two groups of people seriously omg thanks mates :-) it was a super good ranting and letting out session with weiran and angie because i felt so much better saying so many things and also the affirmations i received sigh wow thanks guys, you people were great :)
And because jeevan didn't bring his com, i decided to bring it home to do and we ended up talking about what he wanted to tell me, so actually it is a concern on his part and he told me that he only told me his worries regarding the issue but his friends didn't know about that but they only know about the surface issue and i was like woah wow hahaha thanks for the trust love you teehee ☺️☺️☺️
And i think i am the only one that he talked about this problem, other than his parents hahaha??
weiran asked me how am i and i am like hahah i don't know because everything is just bad in general so oh well..
Anyway, but i am feeling much better already so yeap :)

Thurs; another long day at school but oh well, things get better towards the end and bonding session with joel was wonderful so yay for that thankful for this great friend seriously. Oh, and further updated about him about my thoughts and also i received some info about him lmao i cannot. And it is so difficult because it is real conflicting from what i am receiving for this end so this is confusing af too???

Fri; panorama 2016 so yes :)

And here is the end of of my crazily long posts and time is going to get tougher from now onwards and blogging is going to be so so tough and i am just going to do whatever i can to blog as and when it is possible already. Yet again, i survived another long post and wow
More tests and exams are coming up and i am just going to brave through this year and seriously be so done with life already. Not even halfway through 2016 and here i am, so fucking done with it already how great :-)

Goodbye and Goodnight

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Panorama 2016 ;

I think I'm freaking obvious already but what makes me real happy was we took a photo together HAHAHAHAHA and actually today quite fun oh well really panorama 2016 was not bad but photo-taking session was more fun yay ✨✨✨
dinner & meeting up early were great, going there together was also alright and really the time spent together is really nothing much until towards the end, when I finally had the courage to tell myself, okay I'm going to take the photo and freak, he was also doing the same thing omg yay ☺️☺️☺️ and yay we took the photo, it was nice okay the photos woohoo 🙆🙆🙆 not magical night because cannot compare it to prom. Prom was just so much happiness and cray cray ness HAHAHAHA
I think I'm legit moving towards that side already wtf and he MIGHT actually start noticing something and then even though he decide to remain blur, I'm sure his friends will brainwash him very well. But whatever the case, tonight was great really yay 💜💜💜 I realise what makes me real happy was we took the photo, and when I was kind of looking for him and actually thought he left, he literally just appeared in my face omg yay hahaha
And yeah, he said he was looking for me also to take photo omg wow 💯💯💯
And yeah we took the photo and it was nice because freak we wore the same thing rude shit humans and people actually speculate we are together because of what we wore together wow I am feeling great right now 🙃🙃



but okay, I need to learn to maintain a bit omg because he MIGHT actually sense something already freak la wth .......

Panorama 2016 ;
It was a great night and we had so much trouble getting the tickets wth and I almost couldn't go omg what the freak and to think I will just missed out on all of these?? But omg thank the lord everything went out well and yes I was there and dinner plans could go on wow.
Was rather excited for panorama really because like watching the clique perform is one thing, and the dinner was another thing hahaha. Pockets of silence here and there, similar situation when I was with Alan and wow, he is really nice and sigh, times spent together is really good 😢😢
freak, now can't spazz on private because he's there much wow.
Oh, we walked around the mall few times, ups and downs aimlessly. Met Teo when going up the escalator, thanks the lord he didn't see us and freak, we kind of ran away lmao. Oh ya, I went to City Hall station, and was waiting for him, standing at a pillar looking legit like a kid that did something wrong and was having her punishment gg. jieai was so tired so she wanted to lean back and shut her eyes a while. Then, this group of tourists approached her and then she had to help them find directions and all. So yeah, when I was done helping them. I really went back to my little corner and was going to continue standing there lmao, but I decided to take a look at the look at the tap out area again and yeah, I saw this guy backview quite familiar and omg is it him and yes, when the person turned around, it was really him!!! Hahaha, like a little kid the whole time because was kind of giggling, laughing, jumping around a bit omg oh well.
Walked around the mall few times legit because don't know what to do and where to go and after doing that for an hour?? We finally settled for Thai express and freak, his friends walked past him when I was looking at directory wow????
Dinner was okay because we talked more shit and real random shit but yeah it was nice to get to know more about each other yay ☺️✨
And then, we went to buy flowers and head to the place. We almost went the wrong way, twice and we were freaking walking behind this council junior of ours and his bunch of friends, that seriously couldn't stop turning back wow thanks mates
When reached, we parted ways and actually he sent me to upstairs first before going down again wow omg :-)))
oh and concert began!!!! lineup was really good and every performance has their own captivating points really & it was rather short for all the performing arts groups but I paid 14 bucks so okay, not complaining hahaha
love band harmonising, senpao was cute af hahaha; guitar was really light-hearted and simple; chinese drama was legit summarised lmao what hahaha, but pingxin was pretty la so yay; guzheng was really really sweet and calming 👍👍; malay cultural was really nice :)
mdc is great as usual, but too many people and too many things happening at the same thing so confusing af too???
choir was so entertaining and adorable omg HAHAHAHA SO CUTE OMG
And yeah, they had appreciation ceremony and singing of the college song wow friends.
lame sidetrack: he was actually siting first row at the bottom level, but he came up to second floor???
and okay la, I kind of turned back quite a bit oh well 🙊🙊🙊
and then YESSSS; PHOTO TAKING TIME HAHAHA 📷📷📷
Collected the flowers and was jumping and running up and down so much because taking photos with different people lmao
Took photo with Joel but his friends were pushing him towards our direction, and raudhah was being an asshole so she gave me a push as well fml seriously wow. But okay la, we took a photo together hahaha weiran fav ship seriously but lmao, when taking the photos we were talking about him 😂😍 oh and ya we took a photo together yay but okay la, his class was being mean to him so okay lorh, I don't mind taking photos also ☺️☺️
And then next, we saw Olivia and then Jayce yay!!!! Super excited to see them and then while waiting for the others, I ended up running up and down, in and out of the place because go home gang, telepathic trio and telepathic buddy wanna take photos together hahaha
It was so nice omg, every time after a performance, it's always the same situation all over again hahaha
Oh and yeah, finally Jessa and Denise and pingxin finally appeared and we gave out flowers, had group hugs and finally took photos but freak la, so rushed so the photos didn't come out nice sigh omg, not very main-worthy though, but I wanna post something about panorama 2016 though 😢😢😢
A02 took class photo omg and we all took the efforts to find Afiq omg and we had a class photo like we actually wanted to take a class photo and didn't mind going around looking for a someone omg wow A02 is really changing but then sigh, at times, I am still quite done with the class la wth :///
conflicting much oh well
and yeah afterwards, I thought it was all finally over but then I thought it was a slight pity because I wanted to take photo with him but i don't dare to go to him sigh 😢😢 and when I finally made the resolution to go up to him, I came out and thought he left but nope, the next thing I knew was he came straight up to my face FREAK OMG, and he said he was looking for me omg cry die me so omg yay!!!!! HAHAHA because taking photo wasn't just a one-aided thing HAHAHAH
AND YES THAT COMPLETED THAT NIGHT OKAY FRIENDS HAHAHAHAHAH
and yeah, I was embarrassed and I kind of let off myself too much hahaha, legit wanna spazz so much but I don't even know is it even possible wth lmao omg and then I finally went home with Rau and hids yay and concluded the night. And I updated private and still considering main but hahaha, tis was a great night, with great performances, with great people & excellent company 💙💜💙💜

'I think I'm drunk, drunk in your love. But I think I'm sober, sober enough to call it a day.'


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