Stay strong & Pull through

June Holidays started. Time for some intensive revision. Quite worried about many things, but what is real scary to me is i am really kind of not feeling the fear and all... And this is defintely unhealthy af sigh.... But i am just going to push myself and tell myself to be real discipline so that i am able to pull through everrything and hopefully, i will not waste my holidays omg....

Mon: June Academic Week kicked in. Had econs and physical geo lesson. Ended at 11 and reached home at 1. Was the only one at home and watched rm and slept. RM seemed to be back on track and it seemed to be funny all over again hahah. Had a super good afternoon rest and all. And honestly, didn't do much work the entire day because was lazy and unmotivated sigh....
:(

Tues: Breakfast with jeevan and i realised both of us are actually hiding a lot from each other. We legit don't say a lot to each other and it was for the first time, i don't fight to talk in the silence that we shared lmao. The silence wasn't off or awkward, but i just kind of don't really like it in this sense so yeah hahahah. But breakfast was nice :)
Oh, maths and 3hrs of geo, god bless seriously. Survived them all and was supposed to meet chuken and catch up but nope, mama just loved to spoil everything altogether :-))) not even kidding, sometimes i feel that if i meet up with my friends, i don't feel that even more unproductive omg like wth. When i don't study that day, at least i caught up with my friends and then it will be no regrets and then because i was out, i will actually be more focused and concentrated and all. Oh man, not like i can say any of this to that woman. She is full of only her thoughts and opinions and all seriously. I give up already man. Say whatever you want, do whatever you want. Me not giving any single shit anymore. Sick and tired. Oh, and she just had to call jeevan and chuken again fml. Say that i am not listening to her then what about her seriously omg. Say ten thousand times not to call my friends ust yet and she just had to do it and scared the hell out of them wtf seriously. But, when she told me that yesterday, i really cannot be bothered to give any shit anymore already seriously wth. But i really need to buy them a meal when the year ends seriously omg.
And i requested a holiday at the end of the year because i really at least wanna work towards the holiday but sigh, everything have to be based on prelims wtf. So annoying la i cannot take it. She will never know that and she will never understand but last year, i was working towards Aussie. I had council and Aussie as my end goals so that's why i worked hard and i want to be promoted. This year, i am really kind of not feeling it and tbh, i am worried about that myself as well sigh.... What can i do seriously omg....???? ))):
Oh, and went for lena koh consult for the very first time ever and thank god, it wasn't just me alone so it wasn't that bad.
Didn't accomplished once again and wasted the night and all. Another real unproductive day omg i cannot.

Wed: stupid lena cancelled lessons didn't let us know beforehand so i made my way to school too early wth and seriously wasted so much time in school not even kidding wth. Went to school and slept and when i woke up, first thing i saw was him omg... And i still thought my eyes were playing tricks on me wth...And the best part was i thought i was still dreaming nice.....
(btw, for the third time this week already, i dreamt about him three times already omg wth this is definitely freaking unhealthy af okay people)
Only had econs and came back home. Slept and dreamt about him again wth and finished rm too hahaha
This week, i finished a total of 4 episodes of rm in i think over three days omg hahaha and i guess rm is back on track already and to think i missed 5 weeks in total haha but oh well, it was a nice feeling :)
Okay, time to at least make today somewhat productive and hopefully, i can kick start my june holidays well and i need to stop being trample by people around me wtf
GET OUT OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW
(btw, it was bleh because i finished maths and read my chi lit woohoo but tbh it is not a lot of work lmao oops)

Thurs: an even more unprouctive day but i am not feeling any single sense or tinge of regret or fear lmao wtf is wrong with me seriously i cannot. Super fun day though. Was late for gp lesson hahahah and freak walked into lt1, awkward af. Went to the wrong venue intially and had to left omg even more embarrassing. Then, during lecture, was looking around and i turned around and freak!!!! He was directly RIGHT BEHIND me what.....And i got a shock okay goodbye jieai seriously wth
Lesson ended 1 hour earlier woohoo and went to taka wow. Ate good food and spent an entire afternoon following parents around and not doing any shit at all hahaha. Came home and fell asleep immediately??? And freak guys!!!! I did hair treatment for the very first time in my life!!!!!! HAHAHA chemical smelled weird but okay, for my hair it is worth it :)
Slept late but only read one part of climate lmao gg af I cannot

Fri: probably the best day of this week already. And the best end to my academic week ☺️☺️
Maths was omg, and I need to start figuring my shit fml. Chi consult was real comprehensive but I got roasted lmao. Chi lesson slight waste of time but the discussion earlier on was real detailed and through so yay!!!!! But highlight of the day is lunch with chuken & dinner with jeevan!!! ☺️☺️ lunch with chuken was so needed and so important and finally I told him so many stuff that happened at home sigh.. Broke down again and it was for the first time, I think I really wanna fight the battle. Fight the battle with mum. It is going to be a super tough and super draining fight and battle, but that's no turning back. It's a path and road that has no backroad and I can't backdown, or else everything will backfire on me and I will die an even more horrible and painful death. I'm too fearful of the future and whatever that will happen. I need to toughen up and be strong and be persistent. I need to be real strong, physcially and most importantly, mentally. I need to win. Because there's no second option. Time to plan the strategy during the weekends. And I can't let chuken down, and most importantly, I can't let myself down anymore. It's time for me to start being firm and start being strong. Thank you chuken, I am going to make it. I'm going to emerge as the winner.
And after the super serious and intense talk and lecture and problem solving session, dinner was full of stupid shit. Was late for jeevan meetup but the moment we met, we started arguing over real minor and real stupid issue. But you know what, I won't want it the second way. I won't want it any other way 💜💙💜💙 saw angie and isabelle, awkward af but can't be bothered la wth. Omg we legit need to stop arguing stupid things hahaha. But sigh, being dumb and all makes me real comforting and the times are really enjoyable hahah ✨✨ thankful for jeevan, thank you for the good evening 🐶🎾💜💙 thank you for arguing with me, for laughing and smiling with me & thank you for always wanting to hang out altogether. Thank you for willing to invest time with me 💜💙💜💙
And us two, we need to stop swapping roles hahaha 😂😂 and then thanks for the company during alumni talk :) alumni talk is really really rewarding, enriching, helpful, fruitful, engaging and entertaining. Thank you for this opportunity, really much appreciated :'))))
And sigh, during the session with psychologist, I hate the fact that she spoke my thoughts and my inner thoughts, and I almost broke down again. Thankfully, I held back fml seriously. But all three sessions were really really really so beneficial and I geninuely learnt so much. They made me feel that A levels ain't a big monster at all omg. Two of them actually said that after this year, it's really not the end omg. And can I say, no one else ever actually told me those words until today wtf?? Why is our world so fucking screwed up in this sense seriously fml. I felt like actually I don't have to rush through everything and I can actually be myself and all. But then, the last speaker just said it was all about studying hard and yeah, I'm going to head her advice :) because what she said is right, I need to do well to shut people mouth up and I need to do well to prove my worth 👊👊👊
But thankful for the session & thankful for the good times in the afternoon, I feel that I'm able to be strong and also I feel more comfortable about my future too :)
Today has been the best day this week, though no study did, but thankful for everything that was put into my life. I have finally learned and grown both mentally and spiritually  ☺️💜✨


'You are still right here because the battle ain't over. You're still here because you haven't prove your worth. You are still here because you're still super strong and ain't ready to admit defeat yet.'
Jiayou jieai, you're so much more than you know 💪💪💪






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