Panicked when i couldn't think of what to get for him but thankfully, eventually i got him something :))) it wasn't a real grand present and all and i legit had a hard time thinking what to buy for him but hey!!!! it was a nice present okay!!!!! And omg i need to talk about what happened on that day actually omg
So i met him after my last paper & wanted to pass him his present and wished him happy birthday and i will go off but oh well, when i saw him and was going to pass him, he actually opened his arms first..... Okay, i was genuinely surprised and definitely wasn't expecting that from him okay!!!!! It was a nice friendly hug but the entire afternoon afterwards, whenever i think back, i find myself smiling and giggling wthhhhhh and okay, it was a nice hug teehee :)) and because he iniitiated it, that's what made everything SOMEWHAT nice hahahaha fml seriously.....
And then, birthday boy was real happy and all hahaha.
Oh we talked and catch up a bit really!!!!! It was genuinely nothing much but idk why i feel really happy and all!!!!
Was supposed to watch finding dory together, all thanks to mum and her real stubborn brain and a mindset that is still stuck back into the 80s and 90s urgh fml seriously omg
Texted him in the night also and that idiot just had to say thank you aunty, i whack you i tell you hahaha but okay la, i had to apologise for my real dumb mistake and all and also just telling him everything about the present hahaha, and really he said it is really blessed to get to know me & i was just like, i felt more blessed hahaha fml this is definitely driving my more than crazy omg seriously
Everything is wrong & everything is forbidden and all but i can't seemed to do anything about it and then i really wanna stop my feelings and everything from becoming worse but idk why, it doesn't seemed to be working wtffff and i really hate myself for all of that i swear omg seriously urgh
And i told hidayah about it and the fact that she was said for me and like she ship us and all but i told her she cannot ship, because even i myself i myself is forbidden to do it. It is wrong, since day 1. Anf the fact that i am falling deeper and deeper ain't helping either. I honestly still very unsure about my feelings because i am also confused as well. It feels like i do feel something for him and i do have feelings for him but i can't really say i like him as well?? I feel that it is still something lesser than that?? Plus, i won't really classified our relationship as 'some' because i definitely feel it is lesser than that.
This is driving me crazy and i really hope that this is one-sided and urgh, FINE even though it is mutual, even though the possibility is lesser than 0.000000001%, please NEVER EVER let me know because i can't even think what will happened to me and my real dumb feelings seriously urgh. When mama is worry that he like me, i am more worried of the real truth, that the feelings is from here ot there instead fml. I really need to work everything out myself and i really want this precious friendship altogether. It is definitely so much more worthy that this stupid insignificant shit right now sigh......
'More than confusing, more than conflicting. I want it to stop and end, but defintely and certainly it is not happening. Sigh...'
//
No comments:
Post a Comment