Today is another day that i feel empty and hollow. This pms thing is really getting in me so much omg. Impromptu meetup with chuken & was glad that i was took away from my really low mood & empty feelings for a while. But tbh, when everything ends, it all came to me again.
This pms thing is honestly getting from bad to worse. Maybe i never really take so much concern and consideration before until this time. I am being really weird. I am doings things that i never bothered and dislike. And I am actually not favouring things I always liked. Am i making sense? I don't know myself too tbh. I actually walked for 3 bus stops and took the extra long way home, and using really small and slow steps. I don't want to go for shopping trips and don't want to spend money on anything. I was stoning in popular, flipping colouring books and almost bought one omg. I was feeling rather lost and really at a loss of idk-what-to-do. All the songs i heard today, be it the happy and light-hearted kind, or the kind filled with ten thousand emotions, i felt them all smh. I hate walking, yet i ended up walking so so much today. I didn't want to move at all after a long walk, but i didn' regret either. And i wanted to just stone at a cafe and read my book. Btw, i found my love for reading again, so i guess that gives me some form of warmth and comfort again. I found comfort in books again yay. Anyway, i think this will continue for some time sigh.... Maybe for another week.. Sorry to all my friends in advanced! Please understand this weird and unexplainable actions and words from jieai ><
Updates from this week;
Mon: op consult & impromptu meetup with weiran. It has been a while for the intellectual & real deep heart-to-heart talk. It was so heartwarming, so comfortable, so close to the heart. It is sth that we shared between the both of us & no matter what happens, it doesn't matter the venue or time, it was the content and the efforts that we are always willing to place in between us. And it was through all these unexpected moments, we found out the most about each other & truly update and speak our very true minds, and have real honest thoughts and feelings. I truly treasure and cherish these times together because i am finally true to myself and can speak most freely, and just be really raw and exposed, without worrying any single thing. I know i can trust that girl, and i put more than 200% of trust and faith in her because i know our friendship is more than what you see everyday. (:
Tues: stay home day & witness something meaningful (refer to below)
Wed: op dry run; though i fumble a bit & accidentally dozed off during RQ, he said i made improvements and i am speaking better now teehee :) sidetrack: he questioned my integrity for my i&r because he said the language was too sophisticated for a jieai, and i was like 'excuse you?! i made improvements all these times???' <<< rude rude rude omg & of course i improved please. All the work i did for pw since the start of the year, and all the proposal writing + admin i did, seriously i didn't improve, isn't it more embarrassing omg, he rude kid omg RUDE RUDE RUDE
^ did mailing too & start of the pms jieai smh ._.lll
Thurs: wanted to wonder around the streets for the whole day, but had impromptu meetup again & went for cycling. Many many things are still on my mind though oh well .......
^ it will get better right?
Fri: meeting with weiran again & weekends: malaysia again
OP real shit coming in on tues, dreading it and can't wait for it to end?? oh well, let nature takes its course, i guess??
okay, drama time. goodnights
lazy & weird & blur & loud < jieai is summary
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