Today is another day that i feel empty and hollow. This pms thing is really getting in me so much omg. Impromptu meetup with chuken & was glad that i was took away from my really low mood & empty feelings for a while. But tbh, when everything ends, it all came to me again.
This pms thing is honestly getting from bad to worse. Maybe i never really take so much concern and consideration before until this time. I am being really weird. I am doings things that i never bothered and dislike. And I am actually not favouring things I always liked. Am i making sense? I don't know myself too tbh. I actually walked for 3 bus stops and took the extra long way home, and using really small and slow steps. I don't want to go for shopping trips and don't want to spend money on anything. I was stoning in popular, flipping colouring books and almost bought one omg. I was feeling rather lost and really at a loss of idk-what-to-do. All the songs i heard today, be it the happy and light-hearted kind, or the kind filled with ten thousand emotions, i felt them all smh. I hate walking, yet i ended up walking so so much today. I didn't want to move at all after a long walk, but i didn' regret either. And i wanted to just stone at a cafe and read my book. Btw, i found my love for reading again, so i guess that gives me some form of warmth and comfort again. I found comfort in books again yay. Anyway, i think this will continue for some time sigh.... Maybe for another week.. Sorry to all my friends in advanced! Please understand this weird and unexplainable actions and words from jieai ><
Updates from this week;
Mon: op consult & impromptu meetup with weiran. It has been a while for the intellectual & real deep heart-to-heart talk. It was so heartwarming, so comfortable, so close to the heart. It is sth that we shared between the both of us & no matter what happens, it doesn't matter the venue or time, it was the content and the efforts that we are always willing to place in between us. And it was through all these unexpected moments, we found out the most about each other & truly update and speak our very true minds, and have real honest thoughts and feelings. I truly treasure and cherish these times together because i am finally true to myself and can speak most freely, and just be really raw and exposed, without worrying any single thing. I know i can trust that girl, and i put more than 200% of trust and faith in her because i know our friendship is more than what you see everyday. (:
Tues: stay home day & witness something meaningful (refer to below)
Wed: op dry run; though i fumble a bit & accidentally dozed off during RQ, he said i made improvements and i am speaking better now teehee :) sidetrack: he questioned my integrity for my i&r because he said the language was too sophisticated for a jieai, and i was like 'excuse you?! i made improvements all these times???' <<< rude rude rude omg & of course i improved please. All the work i did for pw since the start of the year, and all the proposal writing + admin i did, seriously i didn't improve, isn't it more embarrassing omg, he rude kid omg RUDE RUDE RUDE
^ did mailing too & start of the pms jieai smh ._.lll
Thurs: wanted to wonder around the streets for the whole day, but had impromptu meetup again & went for cycling. Many many things are still on my mind though oh well .......
^ it will get better right?
Fri: meeting with weiran again & weekends: malaysia again
OP real shit coming in on tues, dreading it and can't wait for it to end?? oh well, let nature takes its course, i guess??
okay, drama time. goodnights
lazy & weird & blur & loud < jieai is summary
//
Friday, October 30, 2015
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
莫名
不知道为什么，今天一整天不太开心，特别是一切结束了，更感觉到闷闷不乐。也不知是为了什么，就感觉到不开心。也许是生理期要来了吧，尽想吃东西，种类一大堆，又觉得心情非常低沉，有好想好想吃甜的，可是，炸鸡又在召唤我了，刚才又差点跑去吃面了。总之，其实也不是很清楚自己想要什么。
今天也特感到孤单。一个人搭了50分钟的巴，有闲逛了两间百货商场，走了走了特别特别多路。今天的我，特别想有同伴，特别不想一个人，脑子里有许多许多的可能，却一个一个又被自已用理由盖过去了。打给妈妈，妈妈没听，其实更失望了。打回家，终于有人听了，原来世界，老天还没放弃我。他点了肯德基，终于似乎找到了来此的理由，买了炸鸡，回家。
回家的路，越发远，越发累。突然间，竟想就坐着，一动也不动。就让身边的一切继续进行，继续流动吧。好累，好累，早已没了前进的动力，失去了原有的力量。真的只想就这样，就这样静静坐着，看着人来人往，川流不息。
不知道了，不想知道了。可能，睡一觉就没事了。可能吧。
那，晚安了。
//
今天也特感到孤单。一个人搭了50分钟的巴，有闲逛了两间百货商场，走了走了特别特别多路。今天的我，特别想有同伴，特别不想一个人，脑子里有许多许多的可能，却一个一个又被自已用理由盖过去了。打给妈妈，妈妈没听，其实更失望了。打回家，终于有人听了，原来世界，老天还没放弃我。他点了肯德基，终于似乎找到了来此的理由，买了炸鸡，回家。
回家的路，越发远，越发累。突然间，竟想就坐着，一动也不动。就让身边的一切继续进行，继续流动吧。好累，好累，早已没了前进的动力，失去了原有的力量。真的只想就这样，就这样静静坐着，看着人来人往，川流不息。
不知道了，不想知道了。可能，睡一觉就没事了。可能吧。
那，晚安了。
//
Yes, I Do
What is Marriage?
Some say it is the start of a brand new life.
Some say it is the graveyard of a sweet relationship.
At the age of 17, i really don't know what is marriage. I have so many questions and doubts about marriage. Neither will i be ready to accept someone into my life & tell myself that 'yes, he is the one all this while & yes, i wanna spend the rest of my life with him'
All the dramas, all the soap operas on tv, they picture relationships, picture love, picture marriage into something that is way too sweet and dreamy, way too romantic; but we often forgotten the pain, fear, discomfort and sorrows behind all these sweet sweet image.
'Will you, Groom/Bride, take ___ as your lawful wedded wife/husband, protecting her/him, and tending to her/his needs through illness and disappointment? Will you strive to understand her/him, giving her/him comfort when she/he seeks it from you? Will you try never to say in anger that which you wouldn't say in friendship? And when each night comes, will you got to sleep with thanks for her/his presence at your side and renewed love for her/him in your heart?'
^ yes, i copied this from somewhere & but actually, i am still very touched by all the words. they are the very standard ones but i always feel so much whenever i see them.
I witnessed a declaration and pronouncement of marriage today. Honestly, i didn't want to be there, but now i guess it was worth to wake up early from bed for it. There was no decorations, the venue was a simple one, and there was no great or romantic ambiance or extraordinary ceremonies, but just a very simple reading the declaration & saying 'Yes, I Do'. (Omg, that couple even forget to bring their wedding rings oh dear god) Maybe, it was just a simple reciting whatever that was printed on the book, but at that moment, i realised, no matter how long a couple has been in a relationship, watched how much the other party had changed all these years of spending time together, when you said 'I Do', you are ready, and you know that, he/she is the one that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. There are still ten thousands chances and opportunities left out there in the world, but you ain't going to look around anymore, because you are certain, you are very sure that, the one that is right in front of you, the one that you are reciting to is the one and only you need in your life.
And when all these happen, after going through all the hassle of the preparation for marriage, after being so certain and telling yourself that 'no, i am not going to regret anymore', why is there still divorce? Why are people screaming their heads off over real trivial matters, things that should have been resolved or already be made known to each other before you decide to sign your marriage certificate?
Yes, you can say i am only 17 and way too naive to know about the outside world, to know about the adults' world. I am not going to doubt that. My life experiences are still very limited too, no doubt. I just feel that since the both of you have decided to come together, you should know that without any pain, you can't gain anything. No sacrifices, no rewards. You can't always get things your way and neither should you always be the one comprising. It is all about striking a balance, finding your own voice and understanding your partner's needs as well. I am honestly disgusted with couples that swore to love each other until their next life, and even want to have each other as their spouse once again, and i am just like 'seriously, are you kidding me? you have yet to have enough of your unacceptable ways of your husband/wife?' i don't want, i just feel that fate brought us together this life, so let's just cherish all the good times and moments together and make sure, we are able to leave without regrets, knowing that you and your partner have been really good to each other and thankful for each other for the journey together. In your next life, i am willing to let you go and allow you to find a new one. And similarly, for yourself too! You are also now free to find another partner whom you know that 'yes, it is possible to another one that i know i can spend the rest of my life with'.
But, i am actually touched with the words found in the declaration today. Yes, there is still hope in the world, yes there is. I am willing to believe that my future partner will be there for me after we have swore our love for each other. It may not be easy, but since i have made this decision, i am willing to have that courage and make sure my marriage will work out. There is only one chance in this life, so make sure we grab hold of it really really really well.
Yes, marriage didn't ask for a couple to live together for the next thousands of years, but it was clear that we must always be there for each other through thick and thin, rich or poor. It doesn't matter how things turned out in the end, it is the process and the time that spent together that make your marriage life worthy. You can be the most envious couple by the world, but you are probably nothing when you are unhappy in your marriage. To me, the happiest couple doesn't have to be the richest couple or the couple with the greatest fame and glory. The happiest couple is both partners know that, no matter what happens, no matter what they are facing or whatever obstacles in their way, either one will not let go the other partner's hand. They will hold on tightly onto each other and brace through all life challenges together.
Today, i am touched. Really touched, because i know this couple is going to go far and go long, because they have watched each other grew all these times, but they know, they still want each other for the rest of their life. (:
'Find the most suitable one, not the best one.'
//
Some say it is the start of a brand new life.
Some say it is the graveyard of a sweet relationship.
At the age of 17, i really don't know what is marriage. I have so many questions and doubts about marriage. Neither will i be ready to accept someone into my life & tell myself that 'yes, he is the one all this while & yes, i wanna spend the rest of my life with him'
All the dramas, all the soap operas on tv, they picture relationships, picture love, picture marriage into something that is way too sweet and dreamy, way too romantic; but we often forgotten the pain, fear, discomfort and sorrows behind all these sweet sweet image.
'Will you, Groom/Bride, take ___ as your lawful wedded wife/husband, protecting her/him, and tending to her/his needs through illness and disappointment? Will you strive to understand her/him, giving her/him comfort when she/he seeks it from you? Will you try never to say in anger that which you wouldn't say in friendship? And when each night comes, will you got to sleep with thanks for her/his presence at your side and renewed love for her/him in your heart?'
^ yes, i copied this from somewhere & but actually, i am still very touched by all the words. they are the very standard ones but i always feel so much whenever i see them.
I witnessed a declaration and pronouncement of marriage today. Honestly, i didn't want to be there, but now i guess it was worth to wake up early from bed for it. There was no decorations, the venue was a simple one, and there was no great or romantic ambiance or extraordinary ceremonies, but just a very simple reading the declaration & saying 'Yes, I Do'. (Omg, that couple even forget to bring their wedding rings oh dear god) Maybe, it was just a simple reciting whatever that was printed on the book, but at that moment, i realised, no matter how long a couple has been in a relationship, watched how much the other party had changed all these years of spending time together, when you said 'I Do', you are ready, and you know that, he/she is the one that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. There are still ten thousands chances and opportunities left out there in the world, but you ain't going to look around anymore, because you are certain, you are very sure that, the one that is right in front of you, the one that you are reciting to is the one and only you need in your life.
And when all these happen, after going through all the hassle of the preparation for marriage, after being so certain and telling yourself that 'no, i am not going to regret anymore', why is there still divorce? Why are people screaming their heads off over real trivial matters, things that should have been resolved or already be made known to each other before you decide to sign your marriage certificate?
Yes, you can say i am only 17 and way too naive to know about the outside world, to know about the adults' world. I am not going to doubt that. My life experiences are still very limited too, no doubt. I just feel that since the both of you have decided to come together, you should know that without any pain, you can't gain anything. No sacrifices, no rewards. You can't always get things your way and neither should you always be the one comprising. It is all about striking a balance, finding your own voice and understanding your partner's needs as well. I am honestly disgusted with couples that swore to love each other until their next life, and even want to have each other as their spouse once again, and i am just like 'seriously, are you kidding me? you have yet to have enough of your unacceptable ways of your husband/wife?' i don't want, i just feel that fate brought us together this life, so let's just cherish all the good times and moments together and make sure, we are able to leave without regrets, knowing that you and your partner have been really good to each other and thankful for each other for the journey together. In your next life, i am willing to let you go and allow you to find a new one. And similarly, for yourself too! You are also now free to find another partner whom you know that 'yes, it is possible to another one that i know i can spend the rest of my life with'.
But, i am actually touched with the words found in the declaration today. Yes, there is still hope in the world, yes there is. I am willing to believe that my future partner will be there for me after we have swore our love for each other. It may not be easy, but since i have made this decision, i am willing to have that courage and make sure my marriage will work out. There is only one chance in this life, so make sure we grab hold of it really really really well.
Yes, marriage didn't ask for a couple to live together for the next thousands of years, but it was clear that we must always be there for each other through thick and thin, rich or poor. It doesn't matter how things turned out in the end, it is the process and the time that spent together that make your marriage life worthy. You can be the most envious couple by the world, but you are probably nothing when you are unhappy in your marriage. To me, the happiest couple doesn't have to be the richest couple or the couple with the greatest fame and glory. The happiest couple is both partners know that, no matter what happens, no matter what they are facing or whatever obstacles in their way, either one will not let go the other partner's hand. They will hold on tightly onto each other and brace through all life challenges together.
Today, i am touched. Really touched, because i know this couple is going to go far and go long, because they have watched each other grew all these times, but they know, they still want each other for the rest of their life. (:
'Find the most suitable one, not the best one.'
//
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Remaining Updates
Didn't update about wed, thurs and fri, so here it is. Going to go back again tmr since i got wedding to attend, but i haven't done any packing yet. This week, i am blogging quite a bit but i guess there was too much things and relationships i need to patch up and reconcile? oh well, what is new coming from jieai right?
Wed: another day of slacking and sleeping in the morning in the council room, but chuken came along to the room & was rather unexpected because he always have lessons in the morning. But i guess, things always happened at the most unexpected times right? we had a good 1.5 hour of h2h and i actually told him about what i am most afraid of... it wasn't something that i expected myself to say, considering the situation and context but idk why, i guess that fear scared and terrified and traumatized me so much, when i just need a slight reminder or mention about it, i will start crying and then cannot stop after that. It was such a bad memory, but i definitely don't want that to happen anymore, because i am not ready, just not ready yet. maybe 40,50, or 60 years from now, i will tell myself to face reality and time to learn to accept the truth, but for now, just let me continue to wish for the little greediness i have in me and nothing will change for the next 40-60 years. and yes, it was a good h2h, because we were sharing really personal and private stuff since a while so yeah, thankful that for 1.5hr :) oh, and let me tell you why the situation is awkward, nicholas was also in the room, but he was sleeping & it was just us three in the room, i swear it was such a weird combi. the day continued with more practice for op but i guess the highlight was at the end of the day. for this entire week, each and every singly day, we were planning to go home together, but even until thurs, for four days straight, it never happened. HAHAH. i guess this is why we are telepathic, we worked better when we don't plan or expect anything from either party. anyway, i ended up going for prata with his clique & tingkai. it was rather alright, and i would say this is the third time i sat down and had a proper convo with them all (: it was a good time spent because i am really thankful that they were very accepting towards me and they allowed me to join them for meals and convo. Obviously, when i decide to be there, i am defintely prepared to get shoot down or teased the whole time, but minus that part, everything was alright & i genuinely enjoyed their presence and company a lot (: it was probably one of the day that i had quite some fun since the week sigh....because everything was just going wrong for pw omg. oh and banana prata is so good & on point la omg, love it so much yay. and yes, it was the perfect end to that tiring day :)
Thurs: actually i didn't have to report for sch, because my group wasn't scheduled a slot for our practice or audience, but he said our group is one of the better group so he actually made us present in front of all his students omg, and the presentation was at 3 please friends. so i needed to be in school from 740 and until 3 please smh. But after all the small practicing and lazing around, we presented but our presentation was cut because lack of time, and smh cut just right after my part omg so done with life please. anyway, was really drained after the entire day, and didn't get to go home with chuken again because he had pw in the end. see, i tell you it will never worked out HAHAHA.
Fri: nothing much today and i didn't attend school bc dry run officially commence and people that are not involved on those days don't have to report to school. afternoon was just drama, skype with chuken & also i completed my i&r and tbh, i am quite proud of my work because it was legit through some hardwork on the brain and also much research. once again, i open more than 20 tabs, but it is okay, because compared to draft 1, it is definitely something better and more presentable please. teehee. :3
anyway, it is getting late and i have enough of lectures for the day already. need to wake up as early as 5/6am tmr sigh. time to go now. goodnights
//
Friday, October 23, 2015
Should or Want?
Stuck between what i should do vs what i wanna do? Mood rather low now because i am honestly at a lost sigh. It is not easy, especially when you have ten thousands repeated stories and lectures behind you, eating and dragging you back. What i should do since i only have pw, and pw is only left with op and i&r; maybe i should start studying again? Or maybe i should contribute more to the house? Contributing to the house is still alright, but i just can't bring myself to study though idk why either sigh. It has been three weeks since exams ended and i already have friends knowing if they should retain or promote. For me, i don't know. i really don't know. i wanna tell myself that maybe i did make it, but then i see econs come hunting me down. But similarly, it is econs that makes me feel that yes i am not going to be able to make it. Maybe i should really try studying a bit right? Retain or promote, i still have to study right? Retain or promote, i am still going to take my A levels right?
What i really wanna do is just be myself, and maybe just indulge in all my random shows and sleep?? But that is way too useless and no life isn't it? But tbh, i can't bring myself to watch dramas too. Mama cannot stop complaining me and drama but she has no idea i haven't been watching anything much since exams ended. i spent a lot of time sleeping honestly, especially in school. And i am spending much more time stoning and staring into space too. i am just .... i guess, lost? Okay, maybe i am following two dramas, but it will only take 4 hours per week and then, after watching, i become even more lost and start to question more, what should i do now? sigh, when i was studying, i yearn for a break so much. and when i am really free like right now, i start to stone much much more and ask myself everyday, what should i do now? when there was farewell last week, the days passed by really really much faster... and now, op is finally confirmed. two weeks from now, which also means i am only left with two more weeks of denial before shit is going to get real and maybe i will finally know my fate right? sigh, why is everything so hard la ): if only mama just let me go for this month, and then i can just enjoy what i want because i know for sure, after this month, everything will back to where it all started, and my life will also be just revolved around more studies and orientation. And recently, because of all the bullshit in life, especially coming from pw and home, i became someone that is rather selfish and kind of can't be bothered with what others have to say or think about my actions. Maybe that is also the reason why i offended many of my friends with my actions and words recently. But, for once, i forgo mama and just on the com to watch my drama and honestly don't any shit about her anymore. i really just wanna watch my show and enjoy that little moment of happiness and forget about everything else. Yes and no, it is two ways. i became rather annoying and rude because of my unthoughtful words and actions, but because i was slightly more concerned about myself than others, than other times, i learnt to put myself before others and enjoying that little happiness i have now. But i think, soon i will be going back already. Maybe i should stop and just be more considerate about the others that's all. That is more like a me, more like a jieai. sigh, i tried to change but i am having more trouble than before, so since it is no helping, then lets just give up and return everything back to its original position then. i think, maybe things will be better this way. i am so tired of all the naggings and lectures that is forever always there, but yet i never regret what i do that is for sure. anyway, i need to stop all these stupid feelings and thoughts in me. things are going to get better right? i genuinely hope so too.... whatever it is, i am just going to be a bit more selfish until the end of pw, and let me just enjoy that bit more of my kind of happiness, though it sounds rather selfish. let things be better soon sigh... goodnight.
//
What i really wanna do is just be myself, and maybe just indulge in all my random shows and sleep?? But that is way too useless and no life isn't it? But tbh, i can't bring myself to watch dramas too. Mama cannot stop complaining me and drama but she has no idea i haven't been watching anything much since exams ended. i spent a lot of time sleeping honestly, especially in school. And i am spending much more time stoning and staring into space too. i am just .... i guess, lost? Okay, maybe i am following two dramas, but it will only take 4 hours per week and then, after watching, i become even more lost and start to question more, what should i do now? sigh, when i was studying, i yearn for a break so much. and when i am really free like right now, i start to stone much much more and ask myself everyday, what should i do now? when there was farewell last week, the days passed by really really much faster... and now, op is finally confirmed. two weeks from now, which also means i am only left with two more weeks of denial before shit is going to get real and maybe i will finally know my fate right? sigh, why is everything so hard la ): if only mama just let me go for this month, and then i can just enjoy what i want because i know for sure, after this month, everything will back to where it all started, and my life will also be just revolved around more studies and orientation. And recently, because of all the bullshit in life, especially coming from pw and home, i became someone that is rather selfish and kind of can't be bothered with what others have to say or think about my actions. Maybe that is also the reason why i offended many of my friends with my actions and words recently. But, for once, i forgo mama and just on the com to watch my drama and honestly don't any shit about her anymore. i really just wanna watch my show and enjoy that little moment of happiness and forget about everything else. Yes and no, it is two ways. i became rather annoying and rude because of my unthoughtful words and actions, but because i was slightly more concerned about myself than others, than other times, i learnt to put myself before others and enjoying that little happiness i have now. But i think, soon i will be going back already. Maybe i should stop and just be more considerate about the others that's all. That is more like a me, more like a jieai. sigh, i tried to change but i am having more trouble than before, so since it is no helping, then lets just give up and return everything back to its original position then. i think, maybe things will be better this way. i am so tired of all the naggings and lectures that is forever always there, but yet i never regret what i do that is for sure. anyway, i need to stop all these stupid feelings and thoughts in me. things are going to get better right? i genuinely hope so too.... whatever it is, i am just going to be a bit more selfish until the end of pw, and let me just enjoy that bit more of my kind of happiness, though it sounds rather selfish. let things be better soon sigh... goodnight.
//
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Afresh & Start Over... oh, maybe that is also not very possible .......
FINALLY, after nearly 4 months of hard work, i submitted my wr this morning. We went through one more round of stupid shit because we got our cover page wrong & had to get it reprinted. So we had to go and find people to allow us to photocopy and then when we are done, we had to rewrite all the details and then sign, before we can submit. We called the mt people out from their lessons and sign so that we can finally submit the wr to him. & when we finally submit the wr, he came and said the below statement. 'why only 2834? that is around 170 words missing, and abt 17 sentences, which can add up to 2 or even 3 paragraphs of analysis. are you sure? are you confident?' at that point, i was holding back everything in me and i was this close to throw my wr at his face omg. i honestly couldn't believe what i heard from him omg. all this time you were rushing us up and down, chasing us like mad and now you are the same GOD DAMN HUMAN that ask us if we are going to submit our wr like that. omfg, i was going to curse at him already. i was so angry that i ranted to jess and hidayah about it, i was like omg, are you kidding me seriously urgh. i am going through so much for pw, please give me my A omg, i NEED that A to convince myself that whatever i went through all these months is worth my time and efforts wtf, it is not making sense please. urgh, i was so angry and i wanted to straggle him so so much omg fml someone hold me please.
& then, when wr is over & ms nunis asked for the cards for the EAS staffs. sean told me that she wanted it today so i was like okay lorh, i don't have a choice anymore, but omg when i met ms nunis, she told me that she can give me until the end of this week & i was like omg wth, no way am i going to submit this kind of sloppy work please, it is not me omg and definitely not my standard too please. And so, i had to remake the cards, and i got jo and kimchi to help me. and of course, their art is just of another level compared to me. thankful for those two bc they helped me with the decorations of the cards designing. (:
& finally, i cleared all my misunderstandings with weiran. she finally told me about the urgent yet not so important issue, turned out it was nicholas lmfao. i was so worried about what it was and turned out it was burden chan. i am just like 'i am out of this god dammit' and when, i just tell myself i am going to put it all down, something must happened to come back and haunt me back again. like from the confession day, i tell myself i am going to be like nothing has ever happened before. after that, council via happened and look at how weird he was omg. after that, came along teachers day so he was so caught up with all the work and he overlook everything else. And when i thought everything was over, two weeks ago, during council dinner, all the mentions of carrots got on me, but after talking to chuken the same night, i was feeling much better and then i was able to look at him and yes, be just another very comfortable friend. And in just two weeks later, i cannot believe what weiran told me omg urgh. why am i always tied down by him omg, like he is legit number one burden chan i swear. he cannot stop coming into my life omg and he needs to stop coming in and ruin my life omg get away you piece of shit seriously. & weiran also told me recently what happened and that i am glad that she told me everything because though she ended up ranting about me to me. recently, i admit i disappointed because i was really reluctant to open my wa and reply people too. sigh i am so sorry towards everyone and i am going to stop all these too, one step at a time. it is all about balancing that's all. all i need to do is to learn to strike and plan my time that's all. so yeap, after going out with ming, rose, chuken & also caught up with rachel, it's time to catch up with the remaining others too. we are still left with limin, once more with weiran & also my shopping trip with tampkangnied.
& also, i need to plan and write down all the things i need to do & people i need to meet during this coming holidays to make sure i can achieved everything before 2015 ends.
We finally caught up with many many things but sigh, bc she was slightly pissed off and disappointed with me, so this time round, it is my turn to make things better. sigh, i also genuinely hope everything will be better and back to how it was ): i looked through the ikea videos and photos and i really missed what we were doing that day omg sigh ):
SIDENOTE AND HIGHLIGHT THIS: while walking out of council room today, this random guy walked up to me suddenly and said 'i think you're very cute, can i take a photo with you?' omg, wtf wth so random and why are people so weird and random!! i cannot adapt omg wth. it is the first time i am seeing him and then he has such request??? dafaq omg. & then kimchi told me someone from her class eyecandy me today smh. And he eyecandy him since election era smh. and they even talked about me in their class, and i am just like wth smh i am so done with life please seriously. & when kimchi asked me to guess, that was this guy that the first moment i saw him, he gave me the j1 senior feel, bc kimchi told me he is a j1 senior and that, there is only one j1 senior in the class. when i shrink down to only three, she told me it was among these three. and when i am done with two, i just go with my gut feelings, and bingo, i was right all this while. urgh my gut feelings. i was right all this while & but i didn't dare to trust myself because i never felt confident about my thoughts and decisions sigh. i need to be confident about myself and my thoughts. all this while, my gut feelings are always right and most of the time, my gut feelings are the ones that are the right answers but i never trust myself because i didn't feel confident about what i feel sigh. i need to be more confident about my thoughts and feelings sigh ): and i can't adapt tpjc la. when i thought i adapted alre, something like that will happen to me & throw me back to square 1, just when i tried so hard to move out from square 1, to square 3-4, i am thrown all the way back and i am just like wth smh so done with life please.
today was just filled with ups and downs and i am just glad some things turned out such ways because we are finally able to see clearly what is right in front of us. so so tired today & and i am just going to go to bed now. tmr got another round of presentation and urgh, he selected our group as one of the group for mass presentation smh. sigh, so done with life but i can't quit just yet.... let's just pray it will be a better day tmr.... goodnight people
//
& then, when wr is over & ms nunis asked for the cards for the EAS staffs. sean told me that she wanted it today so i was like okay lorh, i don't have a choice anymore, but omg when i met ms nunis, she told me that she can give me until the end of this week & i was like omg wth, no way am i going to submit this kind of sloppy work please, it is not me omg and definitely not my standard too please. And so, i had to remake the cards, and i got jo and kimchi to help me. and of course, their art is just of another level compared to me. thankful for those two bc they helped me with the decorations of the cards designing. (:
& finally, i cleared all my misunderstandings with weiran. she finally told me about the urgent yet not so important issue, turned out it was nicholas lmfao. i was so worried about what it was and turned out it was burden chan. i am just like 'i am out of this god dammit' and when, i just tell myself i am going to put it all down, something must happened to come back and haunt me back again. like from the confession day, i tell myself i am going to be like nothing has ever happened before. after that, council via happened and look at how weird he was omg. after that, came along teachers day so he was so caught up with all the work and he overlook everything else. And when i thought everything was over, two weeks ago, during council dinner, all the mentions of carrots got on me, but after talking to chuken the same night, i was feeling much better and then i was able to look at him and yes, be just another very comfortable friend. And in just two weeks later, i cannot believe what weiran told me omg urgh. why am i always tied down by him omg, like he is legit number one burden chan i swear. he cannot stop coming into my life omg and he needs to stop coming in and ruin my life omg get away you piece of shit seriously. & weiran also told me recently what happened and that i am glad that she told me everything because though she ended up ranting about me to me. recently, i admit i disappointed because i was really reluctant to open my wa and reply people too. sigh i am so sorry towards everyone and i am going to stop all these too, one step at a time. it is all about balancing that's all. all i need to do is to learn to strike and plan my time that's all. so yeap, after going out with ming, rose, chuken & also caught up with rachel, it's time to catch up with the remaining others too. we are still left with limin, once more with weiran & also my shopping trip with tampkangnied.
& also, i need to plan and write down all the things i need to do & people i need to meet during this coming holidays to make sure i can achieved everything before 2015 ends.
We finally caught up with many many things but sigh, bc she was slightly pissed off and disappointed with me, so this time round, it is my turn to make things better. sigh, i also genuinely hope everything will be better and back to how it was ): i looked through the ikea videos and photos and i really missed what we were doing that day omg sigh ):
SIDENOTE AND HIGHLIGHT THIS: while walking out of council room today, this random guy walked up to me suddenly and said 'i think you're very cute, can i take a photo with you?' omg, wtf wth so random and why are people so weird and random!! i cannot adapt omg wth. it is the first time i am seeing him and then he has such request??? dafaq omg. & then kimchi told me someone from her class eyecandy me today smh. And he eyecandy him since election era smh. and they even talked about me in their class, and i am just like wth smh i am so done with life please seriously. & when kimchi asked me to guess, that was this guy that the first moment i saw him, he gave me the j1 senior feel, bc kimchi told me he is a j1 senior and that, there is only one j1 senior in the class. when i shrink down to only three, she told me it was among these three. and when i am done with two, i just go with my gut feelings, and bingo, i was right all this while. urgh my gut feelings. i was right all this while & but i didn't dare to trust myself because i never felt confident about my thoughts and decisions sigh. i need to be confident about myself and my thoughts. all this while, my gut feelings are always right and most of the time, my gut feelings are the ones that are the right answers but i never trust myself because i didn't feel confident about what i feel sigh. i need to be more confident about my thoughts and feelings sigh ): and i can't adapt tpjc la. when i thought i adapted alre, something like that will happen to me & throw me back to square 1, just when i tried so hard to move out from square 1, to square 3-4, i am thrown all the way back and i am just like wth smh so done with life please.
today was just filled with ups and downs and i am just glad some things turned out such ways because we are finally able to see clearly what is right in front of us. so so tired today & and i am just going to go to bed now. tmr got another round of presentation and urgh, he selected our group as one of the group for mass presentation smh. sigh, so done with life but i can't quit just yet.... let's just pray it will be a better day tmr.... goodnight people
//
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Farewell, Farewell, Farewell
HEYYYYY
This is for last week, one of the craziest and most hectic week. Countdown to farewell assembly: 1 week.
Mon was rather alright, same as tues. There was nothing much that happened because we couldn't do anything also because the items for the goodie bags have not arrived & the emails had been sent out on mon night as well. Everything was okay and alright, and i just had to focus on my pw that's all.
Wed: the start of the crazy and mad moment. Rehearsal started and everything was in a mess and confused state. The teachers came in & it was for the first time their full dress rehearsal. Like the maths department, they looked really bad and unprepared ?? and we have many many teachers referring to their scripts, papers and etc.. like the performance is in 2 days but they are not even close call they are fine/ready?? Singing mashup was still rather alright, as the teachers are really harmonizing really really well & all damn teachers can really sing and play the instruments omg.. why are they so artistically talented?? and then we have a singing duet by two teachers, which jo called them the funeral song HAHAHAH actually it is hard not to agree, because they are just singing real monotone and i couldn't hear much shit that they sang, like i thought i was bad at singing but teehee, there is always people worse than me oh dear lord... & then there is a teachers performance, and jo named it the NTUC fitness HAHAHA. it was basically the teachers dancing to the same few steps in the entire song and it was really very basic steps though HAHAHA. but it was alright la and finally the finale aka the council performance. honestly, at that point of time, i genuinely think the council performance was the best out of all please. We were the most prepared and we were also the group that praised the hardest. But that day was rather mad because there were still many things unconfirmed and that it was the first time all performers gathered together so one can imagine how crazy and hectic the entire situation is omg. Plus, jeevan had to design and write messages for ms yoong birthday and then he asked us for help. i couldn't help much also cause i was rushing for farewell assembly. there were many things i needed to take charge and account for. whenever anyone has a problem or a question, it was all directed at me and i had to settle them one by one. it wasn't easy, but i kind of enjoyed the process because it taught me to be rather decisive and be cleared with my instructions given. and because i was so anxious, i kind of raised my voice at nearly everything but there was just many many things on my mind the whole time so i kind of just rattle of everything that came instantly to me. sigh, and yes i offended chuken with my words unknowingly. yes i apologized that was really ignorant and brainless on my part but i am not going to give myself any excuse because it was somewhat a personal attack so yes, i acknowledge that is my fault. and then also, at the end of the rehearsal, my brain was all so jumbled up and when mr teo did briefing and etc, i couldn't register much so i ended up recording his voice and told myself to replay it the same night when i had to update my proposal. and oh well, because he was pissed at me, he kind of ignore me and walked away also, but oh well, me caught the hint so yeah. And when i settled my pw and farewell, i called him and then he finally told me everything since last two weeks. it wasn't easy but oh well he avoided talking about it the whole night and he don't even wanna talk to me about it so yeah oh well. and when he finally told me everything, i felt guilty about it sigh. i am at the wrong so i am not going to comment much or neither i wanna talk about it... but sigh, i compromise weiran that night though.. weiran texted me in caps for few text & i even told her that i would reply her later but yeah, i didn't so yeap, i deserve her being angry at me. She was worried about me but i didn't get back to her so yeah. And i couldn't get back to her also i was so caught up with work for thurs and fri. sigh, it was really a very tiring week though hmm... but the one thing good was, me and chuken we cleared our misunderstandings and i apologised for my stupidity so yeap.
Thurs, we had a technical run because we finally realised how unprepared we were. chuken, tingkai, conald and alfred joined my comm and the backstage team. i didn't had to overlook anything because all this while, i was just taking instructions from the teachers. but when, the teachers were busy themselves and asked me to take over, i then realised all the events flowed, all my logistics, all the different works and tasks we have to assigned and looked after to ensure the entire event is smooth and well-executed. i started doing things from the top, starting with the maths department musical, and then dedications round 1, singing mashup, dedications round 2, singing duet, dedications round 3, teachers dance performance, and ms yoong speech and lastly, the finale, council performance. one by one, i had to go through each segment over and over again just to make sure all movements and actions are following as planned. i felt bad because i even got jeevan to go up to the control room to help me click the slides, when yes he doesn't have to be there at all. (but friends, i now have to do more work for orientation, i traded my farewell with orientation omg) i was so nervous, and yes i finally, got really scared and felt stressed about the whole event that i kind of started panicking a bit, but of course, i couldn't show it out because we have many more things that is more important and we have to get them settled and resolved first. i was really nervous and i freaked out a little inside, but i forced myself to be familiar with the situation and put a foot in all the segments. i forced a grew out from me and told myself that now, i had to get myself together and stop being dependent of the teachers. yes, i am the oic and i am supposed to be the one taking charge. slowly, bit by bit, i took charged of everything and in the end, i started making my own decisions and i couldn't be more proud for a moment, that for once, i can make decisions too. we went through the same process 3-4 times just so to ensure everything is alright & everyone know their own roles. And when finally everything ended, my brain was definitely fried and drained. i couldn't think nor process anything on my mind. it was everywhere, and all the comments made, i need to had them repeat twice or more because i couldn't follow or register at all. but thankfully, i went home with telepathic trio yay. and omg, i also needed chuken to say 2 times before i realise what he was saying omg. And that two omg, i am so so done with that two omg. they gang up together against me omg, but it's okay la, i rather they do this to me because i wouldn't ask for anything else already. (: Thankfully, i completed pw before technical run, so when i went home i joust focused on my farewell assembly programm lineup and settle all the remaining admin stuff. that night, i couldn't sleep. my heart was beating so so fast and i only slept for 3 hours before fri.
Fri, D-DAY. came to school really early because our theme was 'back to day1, orientation day' so what they did for us during orientation, we had to reenact it. so basically, we had to come school really early to do cheering for the j2s. lmao, went to main gate and kaihon came in from the main gate la. i met eyes with chuken and he was just giving me the knowing smile HAHAH. but he stupid la, he not wearing orientation tee omg, so angry and sad and disappointed ): and then he even changed to rock wall tee before concert, omg urgh i am so sad la sigh ): but okay, him aside, concert was extraordinary great and smooth because we just did it once more what we had practiced the day before. everything was on point and we only made 5% of fault but they are all still the mini errors which don't really add up to the major parts of the performances yay. after the whole concert, i was so tired and thankful omg, when everything ended, i was still kind of in a lost and still cannot believe 2 weeks worth of hardwork is really all over. i actually have this little sense of lost, and detachment and disbelief. i faced many problems during planning for farewell and i genuinely did a lot a lot of admin and paper work for farewell assembly this time, but when it is all over, it felt so surreal and i couldn't adapt omg. when i walked out from the audit all alone after the event later, i didn't know what to do and i became so free that i can't really adapt. i was so busy for two weeks, and everyday i needed to return home to settle farewell and plan the schedule for the next and subsequent days. plus, there was still some minor human dramas here and there but thankfully, i managed to resolve them before the week ended.
this farewell, i honestly gave it my best and my all because i was determined to make farewell assembly a worthwhile event for the j2s, a worthwhile experience for myself. there were many problems surfaced, many stupid shit i had to settle, many many events and details i needed to follow up and make sure, but i couldn't ask for a better or another choice. i really learnt so so much & i genuinely felt that i grew a lot in just two weeks. event planning always seemed very cool and surreal to me because i am always amazed at the event planner, but when i stepped into those shoes. it was a whole new world for me. i had never took up event planning because many felt that i wasn't ready and many also continue to doubt my working abilities. but this time, i was able to work myself up, getting things together and eventually put up a good show. but of course, i didn't do it alone. i did it with my farewell comm dream team, a team that relentlessly help me out a lot a lot. i could never be able to achieve such a successful farewell assembly without any of them. they were the ones that worked at the back without asking for anything and allow me to take the credits. given the choice again, i would took farewell assembly again and i am more than willing to try it all out once again. this experience gained was more than anything i could ever asked for & i am more than thankful for this opportunity given & the faith that was put into me (:
councillors taught me the spirit of 'we are all in this together' ; mr teo and ms nunis showed me the ropes and all the behind stories that we never knew about event planning ; infocomm people taught me the technical skills ; farewell comm dream team taught me the importance of appreciating and treasuring each and every asset in the team & most importantly, farewell gave me a chance to bid farewell to the girl that was indecisive and timid, to someone that knows to make decisions and be confident of herself, and most importantly, never lose her sparks (:
i am thankful for everyone, everything that came together to put up such an amazing and wonderful show on 16/10.
thank you all, jieai thank you all from the bottom from my heart. (:
'it wasn't easy but i did it & i couldn't be more than proud of myself'
//
This is for last week, one of the craziest and most hectic week. Countdown to farewell assembly: 1 week.
Mon was rather alright, same as tues. There was nothing much that happened because we couldn't do anything also because the items for the goodie bags have not arrived & the emails had been sent out on mon night as well. Everything was okay and alright, and i just had to focus on my pw that's all.
Wed: the start of the crazy and mad moment. Rehearsal started and everything was in a mess and confused state. The teachers came in & it was for the first time their full dress rehearsal. Like the maths department, they looked really bad and unprepared ?? and we have many many teachers referring to their scripts, papers and etc.. like the performance is in 2 days but they are not even close call they are fine/ready?? Singing mashup was still rather alright, as the teachers are really harmonizing really really well & all damn teachers can really sing and play the instruments omg.. why are they so artistically talented?? and then we have a singing duet by two teachers, which jo called them the funeral song HAHAHAH actually it is hard not to agree, because they are just singing real monotone and i couldn't hear much shit that they sang, like i thought i was bad at singing but teehee, there is always people worse than me oh dear lord... & then there is a teachers performance, and jo named it the NTUC fitness HAHAHA. it was basically the teachers dancing to the same few steps in the entire song and it was really very basic steps though HAHAHA. but it was alright la and finally the finale aka the council performance. honestly, at that point of time, i genuinely think the council performance was the best out of all please. We were the most prepared and we were also the group that praised the hardest. But that day was rather mad because there were still many things unconfirmed and that it was the first time all performers gathered together so one can imagine how crazy and hectic the entire situation is omg. Plus, jeevan had to design and write messages for ms yoong birthday and then he asked us for help. i couldn't help much also cause i was rushing for farewell assembly. there were many things i needed to take charge and account for. whenever anyone has a problem or a question, it was all directed at me and i had to settle them one by one. it wasn't easy, but i kind of enjoyed the process because it taught me to be rather decisive and be cleared with my instructions given. and because i was so anxious, i kind of raised my voice at nearly everything but there was just many many things on my mind the whole time so i kind of just rattle of everything that came instantly to me. sigh, and yes i offended chuken with my words unknowingly. yes i apologized that was really ignorant and brainless on my part but i am not going to give myself any excuse because it was somewhat a personal attack so yes, i acknowledge that is my fault. and then also, at the end of the rehearsal, my brain was all so jumbled up and when mr teo did briefing and etc, i couldn't register much so i ended up recording his voice and told myself to replay it the same night when i had to update my proposal. and oh well, because he was pissed at me, he kind of ignore me and walked away also, but oh well, me caught the hint so yeah. And when i settled my pw and farewell, i called him and then he finally told me everything since last two weeks. it wasn't easy but oh well he avoided talking about it the whole night and he don't even wanna talk to me about it so yeah oh well. and when he finally told me everything, i felt guilty about it sigh. i am at the wrong so i am not going to comment much or neither i wanna talk about it... but sigh, i compromise weiran that night though.. weiran texted me in caps for few text & i even told her that i would reply her later but yeah, i didn't so yeap, i deserve her being angry at me. She was worried about me but i didn't get back to her so yeah. And i couldn't get back to her also i was so caught up with work for thurs and fri. sigh, it was really a very tiring week though hmm... but the one thing good was, me and chuken we cleared our misunderstandings and i apologised for my stupidity so yeap.
Thurs, we had a technical run because we finally realised how unprepared we were. chuken, tingkai, conald and alfred joined my comm and the backstage team. i didn't had to overlook anything because all this while, i was just taking instructions from the teachers. but when, the teachers were busy themselves and asked me to take over, i then realised all the events flowed, all my logistics, all the different works and tasks we have to assigned and looked after to ensure the entire event is smooth and well-executed. i started doing things from the top, starting with the maths department musical, and then dedications round 1, singing mashup, dedications round 2, singing duet, dedications round 3, teachers dance performance, and ms yoong speech and lastly, the finale, council performance. one by one, i had to go through each segment over and over again just to make sure all movements and actions are following as planned. i felt bad because i even got jeevan to go up to the control room to help me click the slides, when yes he doesn't have to be there at all. (but friends, i now have to do more work for orientation, i traded my farewell with orientation omg) i was so nervous, and yes i finally, got really scared and felt stressed about the whole event that i kind of started panicking a bit, but of course, i couldn't show it out because we have many more things that is more important and we have to get them settled and resolved first. i was really nervous and i freaked out a little inside, but i forced myself to be familiar with the situation and put a foot in all the segments. i forced a grew out from me and told myself that now, i had to get myself together and stop being dependent of the teachers. yes, i am the oic and i am supposed to be the one taking charge. slowly, bit by bit, i took charged of everything and in the end, i started making my own decisions and i couldn't be more proud for a moment, that for once, i can make decisions too. we went through the same process 3-4 times just so to ensure everything is alright & everyone know their own roles. And when finally everything ended, my brain was definitely fried and drained. i couldn't think nor process anything on my mind. it was everywhere, and all the comments made, i need to had them repeat twice or more because i couldn't follow or register at all. but thankfully, i went home with telepathic trio yay. and omg, i also needed chuken to say 2 times before i realise what he was saying omg. And that two omg, i am so so done with that two omg. they gang up together against me omg, but it's okay la, i rather they do this to me because i wouldn't ask for anything else already. (: Thankfully, i completed pw before technical run, so when i went home i joust focused on my farewell assembly programm lineup and settle all the remaining admin stuff. that night, i couldn't sleep. my heart was beating so so fast and i only slept for 3 hours before fri.
Fri, D-DAY. came to school really early because our theme was 'back to day1, orientation day' so what they did for us during orientation, we had to reenact it. so basically, we had to come school really early to do cheering for the j2s. lmao, went to main gate and kaihon came in from the main gate la. i met eyes with chuken and he was just giving me the knowing smile HAHAH. but he stupid la, he not wearing orientation tee omg, so angry and sad and disappointed ): and then he even changed to rock wall tee before concert, omg urgh i am so sad la sigh ): but okay, him aside, concert was extraordinary great and smooth because we just did it once more what we had practiced the day before. everything was on point and we only made 5% of fault but they are all still the mini errors which don't really add up to the major parts of the performances yay. after the whole concert, i was so tired and thankful omg, when everything ended, i was still kind of in a lost and still cannot believe 2 weeks worth of hardwork is really all over. i actually have this little sense of lost, and detachment and disbelief. i faced many problems during planning for farewell and i genuinely did a lot a lot of admin and paper work for farewell assembly this time, but when it is all over, it felt so surreal and i couldn't adapt omg. when i walked out from the audit all alone after the event later, i didn't know what to do and i became so free that i can't really adapt. i was so busy for two weeks, and everyday i needed to return home to settle farewell and plan the schedule for the next and subsequent days. plus, there was still some minor human dramas here and there but thankfully, i managed to resolve them before the week ended.
this farewell, i honestly gave it my best and my all because i was determined to make farewell assembly a worthwhile event for the j2s, a worthwhile experience for myself. there were many problems surfaced, many stupid shit i had to settle, many many events and details i needed to follow up and make sure, but i couldn't ask for a better or another choice. i really learnt so so much & i genuinely felt that i grew a lot in just two weeks. event planning always seemed very cool and surreal to me because i am always amazed at the event planner, but when i stepped into those shoes. it was a whole new world for me. i had never took up event planning because many felt that i wasn't ready and many also continue to doubt my working abilities. but this time, i was able to work myself up, getting things together and eventually put up a good show. but of course, i didn't do it alone. i did it with my farewell comm dream team, a team that relentlessly help me out a lot a lot. i could never be able to achieve such a successful farewell assembly without any of them. they were the ones that worked at the back without asking for anything and allow me to take the credits. given the choice again, i would took farewell assembly again and i am more than willing to try it all out once again. this experience gained was more than anything i could ever asked for & i am more than thankful for this opportunity given & the faith that was put into me (:
councillors taught me the spirit of 'we are all in this together' ; mr teo and ms nunis showed me the ropes and all the behind stories that we never knew about event planning ; infocomm people taught me the technical skills ; farewell comm dream team taught me the importance of appreciating and treasuring each and every asset in the team & most importantly, farewell gave me a chance to bid farewell to the girl that was indecisive and timid, to someone that knows to make decisions and be confident of herself, and most importantly, never lose her sparks (:
i am thankful for everyone, everything that came together to put up such an amazing and wonderful show on 16/10.
thank you all, jieai thank you all from the bottom from my heart. (:
'it wasn't easy but i did it & i couldn't be more than proud of myself'
//
Monday, October 19, 2015
Today is a Bad Bad Bad day.....
Everything started on the wrong note since i decided to get out of bed this morning...
Should have just listened to jeevan & then escape school, maybe then it won't be so bad sigh...
Morning, during morning duty, the last morning duty for this month & probably the last one too for this year, jeevan told me 3 times that my hair was bad omg cries. for the first time ever he told me that omg urgh ): like he never said anything like this before which makes me rather sad though oh well ...... & today, they had A level exam briefing, and the both of us just stood at the side of the stage for i think, half an hour++?? omg, it has been a while i stood so long for morning duty, and jeevan even ended up sweating omg ): both of us were just very uncomfortable and i kind of admire his determination omg, like he didn't move much and maintain his poker face, hats of him, because his partner can't really stop fidgeting, yawning and switching hand movements and etc sigh... & sidenote: jeevan is texting like a me AND I CANNOT ADAPT LA. He is adding all the exclamations marks & extending his words with many many of the same alphabets, which he never does that before?? and when i ask him why is he texting like that, he just shuddered his shoulders and said, no reason why, which kind of leaves me like, ??????? but oh well, don't complain bc this new jeevan is at least a jeevan that is less distance & more fun HAHAH, not to forget how he is so against rongxuan & felicia now HAHAHA. He totally formed his own welfare comm la omg so funny please HAHAHA
After morning assembly, bonded with tingkai (a rather unexpected one) and he shared many many of his family stuff with me, which i didn't really expect that convo to go that way, but i am thankful because it is always nice to find out about the people that i used to work with, like find out more about them, plus we still have another year to work and hang out together, so i think it was a good 1.5 hour spent teehee :3
Btw, Ming broke the news to me she might not be able to make it on last fri, but i was so busy and so caught up, so i didn't open her text until sun morning sigh ): i totally regretted it urgh... i was at a loss of words and i didn't know what to reply or text sigh... and when she went on about unable to travel together two years' from now, broke my heart even more ): i wasn't ready for that news yet and it hit me really sudden, and tbh until now, i can't really comfort her because..... basically it wasn't something that i expected bc i geniuely had faith in her that she would be able to make it.. Ming may not be the brightest student around, but she worked and mugged harder than most of my close friends, so sigh, still at a loss of words, still breaking my heart a lot, a lot ):
If you happened to be reading this:
Ming, i really hope that you won't stop believing in yourself and never lose faith alright ): i am sad that you might not be able to make it, but i am more scared to see a Ming that loses all her sparks and confidence, and doesn't believe it hardwork brings in sweet results. My dear, you have always been one of the more hardworking ones among us, so i really believe a lot in you. Remb, i am always here if you ever need anything alright.
Weiran tell me to be honest to you and ask, if you are really suitable for jc.. but idk though.. you tell me you haven't been studying very hard, but weiran beg to differ. She felt that you have been a really diligent and consistent girl all this while and that you definitely worked really really really hard for all your exams.. and honestly, i can't really bring myself to tell you though.. i am not ready to question your ability bc i believe you have what it takes to become a much much more better person than i know.. & Ming, if you really feel that you haven't been studying hard and you wanna continue here in jc, yes you have my support. In fact, no matter where you are, you are still someone i really really treasure a lot, like a lot and i am constantly very very thankful for you, especially when i was having trouble with my clique last year, you stood by me and listened to all my stupid shit and taught me what and how to do. You constantly affirm me that i am really doing a lot a your friend and despite the little meetup & constant undying text we have, you never lose your heart and patience with me. And that, i cannot ask for anything more. So, i am going to stand by you too. No matter what you do, if you have thought through all your decisions, i am going to put my faith in you becasue you ain't just another Tom, Dick or Henry on the street, you are someone that i truly cares and someone i am ready to be friends for the rest of my life. Ming, you are never alone alright.
& speaking of weiran, she was a bit annoyed with me too, because she told me she had something urgent and important that she wanted to tell me, but sigh something rather serious happened at the same time, so i told her i would talked to her later, but by the time i finsiehd, it was alre 2 in the monring, and thurs & fri came along, and every single day, i was just so drained out & then i couldn't think straight so yeah sigh.. and she was also in her slight pms mood.. i understand her bah, wr deadline is tmr, she has her own share of her problems and shit to settle... and this is partly my fault bc like she had my welfare at heart but i didn't get back to her..... sigh, but during the weekends, i told myself that it is time to make some time and plans for weiran, i hope we can go out soon & then set things straight and i really wanna know what she wanna tell em though.. & then, the main highlight of the day, WR IS A BITCH OMG he changed our title and we didn't know abt it so we had to reprint that documents, and then we had to travel all the way from school to century square, but when we reached there, we realised our page numbering was wrong omg, and we can't edit our shit or access internet, so we made a wasted trip all the way to century square. I bought a bottle of root beer, and when i opened that shit, the drink burst and half bottle was gone omg, urgh i was so taken aback and then it spilled all over my skirt, hand, wallet & floor omg, and then i had to wash all those mentioned and not to forget, i constantly dropped something the whole trip from there to back, wallet, charger, phone and etc, basically almost everything sigh omg ): and then when i am back in school, i left my cue cards at the canteen counter, becasue i had to borrow apron and buy soya milk from the canteen auntie because i forgotten to bring mine sigh... everything didn't started out right la.. i had to run back from the other block to canteen block to have auntie stelling me that my friends had already took it for me, passed it to my friend at the other side of the block.. omg, all the running i did urgh omg i might just die from all of it omg.. when i am finally done, i went to sr4 and was annoyed, pissed off, drained and basically i just wanna walked out of school alre because i honestly had have enough of today omg sigh pie... presentation came along at 3 and thankfully, it was one of the smoothest presentation i had, and he commented that we were the best group so far since 8 among all the groups that he had accessed. < and yes, this is the ONE AND ONLY thing that is good about today sigh... after presentation, we continued to face problems with our wr. We are unable to burn one copy of our wr into the cd he gave it to us, we can't get the page numbering settled and the laptops continued to give us many many problems sigh.... and i was so annoyed and anxious that i accidentally insulted one of my classmate sigh ): i felt so guilty after that and urgh, wr was just driving us all up the wall. and when we finally got our wr settled, we wanted to go print and the stupid printing shop then decided to have their binding machine break down on them... immediately, i collapsed on the floor omg.. like why is all the bad things all happening in one day today omg... like urgh, we were so urgent, so anxious but life is not helping at all omg, it continues to throw unwanted and unready bomb at us.... we ended up traveling all three malls, went to popular, and started calling all ten thousand printing shops found around our areas, and only have them telling us that they don't offer binding services omg, like WHAT IS THIS LA OMG SHIT OMG we even don't mind traveling back to the printing shop outside school, but no shit THEY ALSO DON'T OFFER LA WTH so we only decdied that we will bind that stupid shit tmr morning and asked for a slight extension from mr h sigh. WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO SO WRONG OMG
& most importantly, i felt the worse to chuken. i was the one that suggested going home together & ended up, he waited for me since 3, went rounds and rounds, ups and downs, and watch us rage all about wr sigh....it was supposed to be our bonding time and now look what happened to it.. but what touched me the most was, he first texted me telling me that everything is going to be alright when i felt bad towards him sigh.. but it is okay, i think i need to do sth for him, like buy food/drink so as to thank him for his patience and understanding the whole time sigh...
today, i couldn't wait for the day to end & and i just wanna get home asap. i definitely don't want to day to repeat anymore bc it is too much of a nightmare. like how is it possible that everything and anything can just go wrong like that omg, like does it even make sense omg sigh....
still hoping tmr will be a better day, and a less accident and drama day, please let everything fall in place and let me pass tmr with nothing happened sigh...
'everyday may not a good day, but there is something good in everyday...'
//
Should have just listened to jeevan & then escape school, maybe then it won't be so bad sigh...
Morning, during morning duty, the last morning duty for this month & probably the last one too for this year, jeevan told me 3 times that my hair was bad omg cries. for the first time ever he told me that omg urgh ): like he never said anything like this before which makes me rather sad though oh well ...... & today, they had A level exam briefing, and the both of us just stood at the side of the stage for i think, half an hour++?? omg, it has been a while i stood so long for morning duty, and jeevan even ended up sweating omg ): both of us were just very uncomfortable and i kind of admire his determination omg, like he didn't move much and maintain his poker face, hats of him, because his partner can't really stop fidgeting, yawning and switching hand movements and etc sigh... & sidenote: jeevan is texting like a me AND I CANNOT ADAPT LA. He is adding all the exclamations marks & extending his words with many many of the same alphabets, which he never does that before?? and when i ask him why is he texting like that, he just shuddered his shoulders and said, no reason why, which kind of leaves me like, ??????? but oh well, don't complain bc this new jeevan is at least a jeevan that is less distance & more fun HAHAH, not to forget how he is so against rongxuan & felicia now HAHAHA. He totally formed his own welfare comm la omg so funny please HAHAHA
After morning assembly, bonded with tingkai (a rather unexpected one) and he shared many many of his family stuff with me, which i didn't really expect that convo to go that way, but i am thankful because it is always nice to find out about the people that i used to work with, like find out more about them, plus we still have another year to work and hang out together, so i think it was a good 1.5 hour spent teehee :3
Btw, Ming broke the news to me she might not be able to make it on last fri, but i was so busy and so caught up, so i didn't open her text until sun morning sigh ): i totally regretted it urgh... i was at a loss of words and i didn't know what to reply or text sigh... and when she went on about unable to travel together two years' from now, broke my heart even more ): i wasn't ready for that news yet and it hit me really sudden, and tbh until now, i can't really comfort her because..... basically it wasn't something that i expected bc i geniuely had faith in her that she would be able to make it.. Ming may not be the brightest student around, but she worked and mugged harder than most of my close friends, so sigh, still at a loss of words, still breaking my heart a lot, a lot ):
If you happened to be reading this:
Ming, i really hope that you won't stop believing in yourself and never lose faith alright ): i am sad that you might not be able to make it, but i am more scared to see a Ming that loses all her sparks and confidence, and doesn't believe it hardwork brings in sweet results. My dear, you have always been one of the more hardworking ones among us, so i really believe a lot in you. Remb, i am always here if you ever need anything alright.
Weiran tell me to be honest to you and ask, if you are really suitable for jc.. but idk though.. you tell me you haven't been studying very hard, but weiran beg to differ. She felt that you have been a really diligent and consistent girl all this while and that you definitely worked really really really hard for all your exams.. and honestly, i can't really bring myself to tell you though.. i am not ready to question your ability bc i believe you have what it takes to become a much much more better person than i know.. & Ming, if you really feel that you haven't been studying hard and you wanna continue here in jc, yes you have my support. In fact, no matter where you are, you are still someone i really really treasure a lot, like a lot and i am constantly very very thankful for you, especially when i was having trouble with my clique last year, you stood by me and listened to all my stupid shit and taught me what and how to do. You constantly affirm me that i am really doing a lot a your friend and despite the little meetup & constant undying text we have, you never lose your heart and patience with me. And that, i cannot ask for anything more. So, i am going to stand by you too. No matter what you do, if you have thought through all your decisions, i am going to put my faith in you becasue you ain't just another Tom, Dick or Henry on the street, you are someone that i truly cares and someone i am ready to be friends for the rest of my life. Ming, you are never alone alright.
& speaking of weiran, she was a bit annoyed with me too, because she told me she had something urgent and important that she wanted to tell me, but sigh something rather serious happened at the same time, so i told her i would talked to her later, but by the time i finsiehd, it was alre 2 in the monring, and thurs & fri came along, and every single day, i was just so drained out & then i couldn't think straight so yeah sigh.. and she was also in her slight pms mood.. i understand her bah, wr deadline is tmr, she has her own share of her problems and shit to settle... and this is partly my fault bc like she had my welfare at heart but i didn't get back to her..... sigh, but during the weekends, i told myself that it is time to make some time and plans for weiran, i hope we can go out soon & then set things straight and i really wanna know what she wanna tell em though.. & then, the main highlight of the day, WR IS A BITCH OMG he changed our title and we didn't know abt it so we had to reprint that documents, and then we had to travel all the way from school to century square, but when we reached there, we realised our page numbering was wrong omg, and we can't edit our shit or access internet, so we made a wasted trip all the way to century square. I bought a bottle of root beer, and when i opened that shit, the drink burst and half bottle was gone omg, urgh i was so taken aback and then it spilled all over my skirt, hand, wallet & floor omg, and then i had to wash all those mentioned and not to forget, i constantly dropped something the whole trip from there to back, wallet, charger, phone and etc, basically almost everything sigh omg ): and then when i am back in school, i left my cue cards at the canteen counter, becasue i had to borrow apron and buy soya milk from the canteen auntie because i forgotten to bring mine sigh... everything didn't started out right la.. i had to run back from the other block to canteen block to have auntie stelling me that my friends had already took it for me, passed it to my friend at the other side of the block.. omg, all the running i did urgh omg i might just die from all of it omg.. when i am finally done, i went to sr4 and was annoyed, pissed off, drained and basically i just wanna walked out of school alre because i honestly had have enough of today omg sigh pie... presentation came along at 3 and thankfully, it was one of the smoothest presentation i had, and he commented that we were the best group so far since 8 among all the groups that he had accessed. < and yes, this is the ONE AND ONLY thing that is good about today sigh... after presentation, we continued to face problems with our wr. We are unable to burn one copy of our wr into the cd he gave it to us, we can't get the page numbering settled and the laptops continued to give us many many problems sigh.... and i was so annoyed and anxious that i accidentally insulted one of my classmate sigh ): i felt so guilty after that and urgh, wr was just driving us all up the wall. and when we finally got our wr settled, we wanted to go print and the stupid printing shop then decided to have their binding machine break down on them... immediately, i collapsed on the floor omg.. like why is all the bad things all happening in one day today omg... like urgh, we were so urgent, so anxious but life is not helping at all omg, it continues to throw unwanted and unready bomb at us.... we ended up traveling all three malls, went to popular, and started calling all ten thousand printing shops found around our areas, and only have them telling us that they don't offer binding services omg, like WHAT IS THIS LA OMG SHIT OMG we even don't mind traveling back to the printing shop outside school, but no shit THEY ALSO DON'T OFFER LA WTH so we only decdied that we will bind that stupid shit tmr morning and asked for a slight extension from mr h sigh. WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO SO WRONG OMG
& most importantly, i felt the worse to chuken. i was the one that suggested going home together & ended up, he waited for me since 3, went rounds and rounds, ups and downs, and watch us rage all about wr sigh....it was supposed to be our bonding time and now look what happened to it.. but what touched me the most was, he first texted me telling me that everything is going to be alright when i felt bad towards him sigh.. but it is okay, i think i need to do sth for him, like buy food/drink so as to thank him for his patience and understanding the whole time sigh...
today, i couldn't wait for the day to end & and i just wanna get home asap. i definitely don't want to day to repeat anymore bc it is too much of a nightmare. like how is it possible that everything and anything can just go wrong like that omg, like does it even make sense omg sigh....
still hoping tmr will be a better day, and a less accident and drama day, please let everything fall in place and let me pass tmr with nothing happened sigh...
'everyday may not a good day, but there is something good in everyday...'
//
Monday, October 12, 2015
찜찜해
Feeling so weird & awkward inside. I am not supposed to feel it that way but i cannot control my feelings in me. It gets on me so much but i cannot push it away which annoys me much much more. Who am i supposed to feel it that way isn't it? I am in no rights and no position to feel it because i was the one that prevented and stopped everything from happening. I am supposed to feel more than thankful & glad & relieved that he moved on and he found a new girl, but why am i like looking at the situation and question my feelings. This is not supposed to be the way isn't it? Like how can i have such feelings in me omg fml. I am going to blame it all on my 'wth how can you change target so quickly and easily' i am still in the midst of progress, stop having those thoughts when i see your face like urgh annoying humans i swear. She is such a sweetheart, such a nice girl and yes, they look really good together, so why am i here, having so so so many weird thoughts in me like urgh HOW CAN I PUSH THEM AWAY OMG THIS IS NOT MY SHIT TO START WITH URGH
I regretted my choice to be there tonight and i really shouldn't decided to stay and be convinced like urgh. I shouldn't have stayed and then i won't know or hear what is going on and then yes, i can continue to bluff myself la urgh wtf.
Was trying so hard to contain myself and just filter filter everything during dinner omg, and try to block all these nonsense away, was trying to now show anything at all and was trying so hard to block everything away, because it is not supposed to be like that. I am so afraid that whatever i am trying to do now is going to go down all the drain and then i am going to go back to square 1 and let all my efforts be just a piece of shit. And most importantly, i really really don't want to disappoint all my loved ones, all my close friends, especially when each and everyone of them has so much faith in me isn't it? IT IS NOT FAIR TO THEM TOO
I think i will just need some time to get myself together & then i need to learn to tell myself that everything is going to alright and that everything is going to be worth it. That burden is not going to know what is going on & going to continue on with his life and it will just all be me, and just be me.
I guess time is going to the antidote and medicine to all my pain, sorrows and stupidly unwanted feelings. ): Please let everything be gone soon & i really really hope that i am not going to be held back anymore by this stupid shit. It is just a simple stupid shit, something really insignificant so i need to put it all down and start to appreciate the many many other things around me in my life.
Thank god, i talked to someone about it & yes, my mum just promised to make me one of my favourite food tomorrow, and even though daddy is against it, mama is still going to do it so why am i being so bothered with things that ain't going to have a impact in life isn't it? Mama, papa and bro are always going to be here for me, listening to me, watch me spazz & hear me rant, remembers what i likes and hates and constantly reminds me that i am actually very very blessed with many many things and people around me. So yeap, i need to forgo all these shit in life and become a better person.
Thanks for listening to me & thanks for showing me the light. Thanks for tolerating all my stupid shit in life omg. Yay for you :)
'count your blessings. or else there is nothing in the world you will like and appreciate'
//
I regretted my choice to be there tonight and i really shouldn't decided to stay and be convinced like urgh. I shouldn't have stayed and then i won't know or hear what is going on and then yes, i can continue to bluff myself la urgh wtf.
Was trying so hard to contain myself and just filter filter everything during dinner omg, and try to block all these nonsense away, was trying to now show anything at all and was trying so hard to block everything away, because it is not supposed to be like that. I am so afraid that whatever i am trying to do now is going to go down all the drain and then i am going to go back to square 1 and let all my efforts be just a piece of shit. And most importantly, i really really don't want to disappoint all my loved ones, all my close friends, especially when each and everyone of them has so much faith in me isn't it? IT IS NOT FAIR TO THEM TOO
I think i will just need some time to get myself together & then i need to learn to tell myself that everything is going to alright and that everything is going to be worth it. That burden is not going to know what is going on & going to continue on with his life and it will just all be me, and just be me.
I guess time is going to the antidote and medicine to all my pain, sorrows and stupidly unwanted feelings. ): Please let everything be gone soon & i really really hope that i am not going to be held back anymore by this stupid shit. It is just a simple stupid shit, something really insignificant so i need to put it all down and start to appreciate the many many other things around me in my life.
Thank god, i talked to someone about it & yes, my mum just promised to make me one of my favourite food tomorrow, and even though daddy is against it, mama is still going to do it so why am i being so bothered with things that ain't going to have a impact in life isn't it? Mama, papa and bro are always going to be here for me, listening to me, watch me spazz & hear me rant, remembers what i likes and hates and constantly reminds me that i am actually very very blessed with many many things and people around me. So yeap, i need to forgo all these shit in life and become a better person.
Thanks for listening to me & thanks for showing me the light. Thanks for tolerating all my stupid shit in life omg. Yay for you :)
'count your blessings. or else there is nothing in the world you will like and appreciate'
//
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Farewell & PW
Heyyy
From title, you can see this week main content. That's right, Farewell & PW. Everyday was just a repetitive of it. Morning: PW Afternoon: Council Night: More PW & Farewell. Though it was just repeat repeat, i never felt so meaningful & productive before. I honestly feel it is more productive than the normal school days and the forever-never-ending tutorials. Thankful for this week because i started my OP preparation & farewell is progressing really well.
Mon: marking day but school claimed it only applied to the teachers & students still have to return to school for PW and etc... So went back to school in the morning for PW but guess who was late and couldn't enter the class because she was chased out by the teacher. But she has really sweet groupmates who asked the teacher to let her in and yeah she managed to attend the pw lesson & not waste her day like that. Afternoon, farewell teacher ic aka ms nunis and mr teo called me and i didn't see the text until 12plus when it was sent to me since 8plus omg. So last min so angry so unprofessional ): but finally met them at 3 and farewell assembly programme is out and work are finally here. surprisingly. majortiy of the work is done by the teachers and what me and sean mainly are in-charge is the overseeing of the event on that day & council performance aka finale & goodie bag packing & board designing & cheering in the morning on that day & write email and send to the J1s & J2s. Guys, if you think teachers are professionals, please wake up from today onwards and teachers are normal humans too. they procrastinate, they don't do shit until last minute. this farewell assembly may look like there is nothing much to be done; but no, the teachers haven't get their shit together yet. HAHAHA. everything is so last minute, and being someone that hates last minute, you can see how much this gets on me and i honestly just questioned the teachers. but oh well, thankfully, because the teachers ain't rushing much & many things ain't confirmed, that actually leaves me rather alright and i am able to work at a really comfortable pace yay. & teachers taking charge for almost all the things, tbh i am both happy and sad at the same time. happy because i don't have to worry too much on my part and i am just following instructions from the top, but sad because i can't really have any say in most of the things i am doing so it is not really an event organised by me oh well ): but other than that, everything is alright and really really great !! like G R E A T hahaha. i am the best team too & the most understanding and helpful teachers ic & flow of events is simple and not complex and super trouble-free & most importantly, the most co-operative and sweetest bunch of 30th councillors i swear teehee.
My planning comm is probably the dream team. Everyone contributes and everyone helps out. No one complains or shuns away from any work. And everyone is very understanding towards this oic and everyone really gives me the faith and confidence they have in me. they put their trust in me and they don't give me trouble at all. LIKE AT ALL FRIENDS. sean is constantly worrying that he is not contributing enough and feel useless because he was feeling unwell and didn't attend school for two days, so he just took all my paper work aka proposal writing and admin work. HAHAH. plus, he was really really considerate and help me out in many many areas teehee. jo is probably the best person for all the technical shit omg hahah. he was the best person that runs up and down during rehearsal on wed and pumped in many many suggestions for the backstage work also oh yay. kimchi is so adorable lah, haha she helped out jo and also constantly keep me in check and help me from time to time. she constantly come running to me and just lend me her helping hand sweethearts urgh. the both of them also contributed the most to the board designing at the canteen urgh, why are there people forever so artistically talented i can't even draw a stickman for nuts omg like i can't even get the proportions right?? how ridiculous omg the board at the canteen is so so pretty okay i love it so so much omg and the board in front of student hub is also a good job done teehee, jo did the drawings and i wrote the words, cursive handwriting are freaking useful in such situations woohoo. melissa threw in so so many ideas and she was also the one that taught me to be tough and don't be easily dragged down, yes couldn't be more than thankful. though the exco advisor, afrina allowed us to have most of the say and she really is very easy-going, she agrees to everything yay man and the teachers were so nice omg?? like ms nunis is so sweet and so nice to me and she doesn't go harsh on me yay man, and guys, mr teo complimented my proposal omg, like errr... i am feeling so weird like i am not supposed to know or i shouldn't be knowing but chuken told me that he complimented my proposal in front of all the excos omg and even asked them to follow my format and i was like 'what' 'what' 'what' it was just a very simple proposal and i genuinely thought there was something missing and that proposal isn't professional enough but he told me it was a job well done and i am like 'omg are you serious, i feel like i achieve something great in life omg' mr teo is someone that doesn't compliments or even say good job because he is so sarcastic and he has expectations that are higher than the heavens and he said that i wrote a really good proposal omg urgh i am so thankful omg like my work is actually approved by someone urgh i am feeling so so touched and honored omg. i am someone that constantly fails in life and doesn't get my things done properly or even just in the right ways. i make ten thousand mistakes and blur af. i am someone that honestly you do not want to entrust me with work, but then here i am, work being recognized and acknowledged and i am just feeling more than thankful and grateful. i am so motivated to continue this work and progress and eventually make farewell a great success. everything is falling so neatly and accordingly. so far, i am not facing any major errors and everything is following as planned as well. i couldn't be more than thankful than ever and i genuinely just hoped everything will be at this pace until the end of this coming fri. i am willing to give more than 200% of efforts and hardwork to make sure farewell turned out well and great. council people are a great sweethearts too omg sigh so much love for all these people around. they stayed back for three days straight, only received the notice that they need to learn, practice and perform or farewell next week, and i received zero complaints, negative ten unwillingness, negative hundred i-am-not-going-to-put-in-efforts and most importantly, a percentage level of hitting the heavens' rooftop of teamwork and efforts put in. and i am not going to ask for anything more but going t bow 90 degree to them for being so so so helpful in this situation here for me. honestly, i was expecting all kind of stupid bullshit throwing at me but no, when i have zero expectations, they gave me ten thousands miracles and wonders. thank you so much my really really lovely and wonderful fellow councillors. and everyday, i am just thankful that i am part of the 30th, part of this family yay yay yay
And PW was rather alright too. we did op presentation 1 and wrote the script too. this entire week was just all about preparing for the presentation on thurs. nothing much happened but i am just glad and relieved and thankful that i am under him for my pw. every week, without fail, rain or shine, for a good 3 whole month, it was all just about editing the wr over and over and over again. because of his undying passion, our wr is relatively good now and condensing is also coming to an end soon. everyone is rushing their wr and hoping to submit asap but tbh we were the only few groups that are rather laid back and don't have to rush through much. all damn hardwork that was done three months ago, the same agony for every week and making me reading through the same shit over and over again, editing the same shit over and over again, and researching the same shit over and over again. omg, guys did i tell you my top most related search is about food wastage now. even my com is telling me how much work and efforts i have put into my wr. i better get my A okay. I REALLY DESERVE IT OKAY. now, we are completing wr soon & focusing on op now. script is going to going through ten thousand editing also, just like my wr. but it is okay, because i know everything will be so so so worth it yay (;
next week, packing of goodie bag, full dress rehearsal on wed & the real deal, farewell assembly on fri, and amidst all these, pw is going to by my side and sticking really really closely like a sticky gum with me. but rather excited about next week, because it is going to get much much busier and hetic, but i am very sure that it would be really really eventful and significant to my 2015 (:
bonus: met up with Ming and spent the entire afternoon and night with her, just walking, eating and buying stuffs. (: it has also been 4 months since i last saw her and she also followed me to do some mini shopping for my wedding next week. we ate casual Italian food and had my second bingsu yay. we really caught up a lot with each other and laughed a lot too. one of my favourite in sec school and will still be one of my favourite in my life to come (:
**nicholas, please stop being weird at me & please stop giving me those knowingly stares and looks. yes, oyu looked like you have moved on (i hope i am right omg) and yes i am glad you do. stop looking at me with those 'i got something to say' face because i will constantly wonder what is going through that brain of yours.
& luzhengwei, FOR GODS SAKE, STOP TEXTING ME OMG STOP STOP STOP when i choose to ignore, choose to grey tick, choose to not reply, choose to move on, you stop holding on urgh. stop coming in and stop, just stop coming into my life. i am really really enjoying and being really thankful about everything right here and right now. no time for your bullshit and no time to entertaining useless shit in life too urgh.
'i am thankful that at everything that is placed before me. they allow me to lead a purposeful life and allow me to find meanings in my life too...'
:)
Countdown to the no1 highlight of 2015 : in exactly 2 months teehee
//
From title, you can see this week main content. That's right, Farewell & PW. Everyday was just a repetitive of it. Morning: PW Afternoon: Council Night: More PW & Farewell. Though it was just repeat repeat, i never felt so meaningful & productive before. I honestly feel it is more productive than the normal school days and the forever-never-ending tutorials. Thankful for this week because i started my OP preparation & farewell is progressing really well.
Mon: marking day but school claimed it only applied to the teachers & students still have to return to school for PW and etc... So went back to school in the morning for PW but guess who was late and couldn't enter the class because she was chased out by the teacher. But she has really sweet groupmates who asked the teacher to let her in and yeah she managed to attend the pw lesson & not waste her day like that. Afternoon, farewell teacher ic aka ms nunis and mr teo called me and i didn't see the text until 12plus when it was sent to me since 8plus omg. So last min so angry so unprofessional ): but finally met them at 3 and farewell assembly programme is out and work are finally here. surprisingly. majortiy of the work is done by the teachers and what me and sean mainly are in-charge is the overseeing of the event on that day & council performance aka finale & goodie bag packing & board designing & cheering in the morning on that day & write email and send to the J1s & J2s. Guys, if you think teachers are professionals, please wake up from today onwards and teachers are normal humans too. they procrastinate, they don't do shit until last minute. this farewell assembly may look like there is nothing much to be done; but no, the teachers haven't get their shit together yet. HAHAHA. everything is so last minute, and being someone that hates last minute, you can see how much this gets on me and i honestly just questioned the teachers. but oh well, thankfully, because the teachers ain't rushing much & many things ain't confirmed, that actually leaves me rather alright and i am able to work at a really comfortable pace yay. & teachers taking charge for almost all the things, tbh i am both happy and sad at the same time. happy because i don't have to worry too much on my part and i am just following instructions from the top, but sad because i can't really have any say in most of the things i am doing so it is not really an event organised by me oh well ): but other than that, everything is alright and really really great !! like G R E A T hahaha. i am the best team too & the most understanding and helpful teachers ic & flow of events is simple and not complex and super trouble-free & most importantly, the most co-operative and sweetest bunch of 30th councillors i swear teehee.
My planning comm is probably the dream team. Everyone contributes and everyone helps out. No one complains or shuns away from any work. And everyone is very understanding towards this oic and everyone really gives me the faith and confidence they have in me. they put their trust in me and they don't give me trouble at all. LIKE AT ALL FRIENDS. sean is constantly worrying that he is not contributing enough and feel useless because he was feeling unwell and didn't attend school for two days, so he just took all my paper work aka proposal writing and admin work. HAHAH. plus, he was really really considerate and help me out in many many areas teehee. jo is probably the best person for all the technical shit omg hahah. he was the best person that runs up and down during rehearsal on wed and pumped in many many suggestions for the backstage work also oh yay. kimchi is so adorable lah, haha she helped out jo and also constantly keep me in check and help me from time to time. she constantly come running to me and just lend me her helping hand sweethearts urgh. the both of them also contributed the most to the board designing at the canteen urgh, why are there people forever so artistically talented i can't even draw a stickman for nuts omg like i can't even get the proportions right?? how ridiculous omg the board at the canteen is so so pretty okay i love it so so much omg and the board in front of student hub is also a good job done teehee, jo did the drawings and i wrote the words, cursive handwriting are freaking useful in such situations woohoo. melissa threw in so so many ideas and she was also the one that taught me to be tough and don't be easily dragged down, yes couldn't be more than thankful. though the exco advisor, afrina allowed us to have most of the say and she really is very easy-going, she agrees to everything yay man and the teachers were so nice omg?? like ms nunis is so sweet and so nice to me and she doesn't go harsh on me yay man, and guys, mr teo complimented my proposal omg, like errr... i am feeling so weird like i am not supposed to know or i shouldn't be knowing but chuken told me that he complimented my proposal in front of all the excos omg and even asked them to follow my format and i was like 'what' 'what' 'what' it was just a very simple proposal and i genuinely thought there was something missing and that proposal isn't professional enough but he told me it was a job well done and i am like 'omg are you serious, i feel like i achieve something great in life omg' mr teo is someone that doesn't compliments or even say good job because he is so sarcastic and he has expectations that are higher than the heavens and he said that i wrote a really good proposal omg urgh i am so thankful omg like my work is actually approved by someone urgh i am feeling so so touched and honored omg. i am someone that constantly fails in life and doesn't get my things done properly or even just in the right ways. i make ten thousand mistakes and blur af. i am someone that honestly you do not want to entrust me with work, but then here i am, work being recognized and acknowledged and i am just feeling more than thankful and grateful. i am so motivated to continue this work and progress and eventually make farewell a great success. everything is falling so neatly and accordingly. so far, i am not facing any major errors and everything is following as planned as well. i couldn't be more than thankful than ever and i genuinely just hoped everything will be at this pace until the end of this coming fri. i am willing to give more than 200% of efforts and hardwork to make sure farewell turned out well and great. council people are a great sweethearts too omg sigh so much love for all these people around. they stayed back for three days straight, only received the notice that they need to learn, practice and perform or farewell next week, and i received zero complaints, negative ten unwillingness, negative hundred i-am-not-going-to-put-in-efforts and most importantly, a percentage level of hitting the heavens' rooftop of teamwork and efforts put in. and i am not going to ask for anything more but going t bow 90 degree to them for being so so so helpful in this situation here for me. honestly, i was expecting all kind of stupid bullshit throwing at me but no, when i have zero expectations, they gave me ten thousands miracles and wonders. thank you so much my really really lovely and wonderful fellow councillors. and everyday, i am just thankful that i am part of the 30th, part of this family yay yay yay
And PW was rather alright too. we did op presentation 1 and wrote the script too. this entire week was just all about preparing for the presentation on thurs. nothing much happened but i am just glad and relieved and thankful that i am under him for my pw. every week, without fail, rain or shine, for a good 3 whole month, it was all just about editing the wr over and over and over again. because of his undying passion, our wr is relatively good now and condensing is also coming to an end soon. everyone is rushing their wr and hoping to submit asap but tbh we were the only few groups that are rather laid back and don't have to rush through much. all damn hardwork that was done three months ago, the same agony for every week and making me reading through the same shit over and over again, editing the same shit over and over again, and researching the same shit over and over again. omg, guys did i tell you my top most related search is about food wastage now. even my com is telling me how much work and efforts i have put into my wr. i better get my A okay. I REALLY DESERVE IT OKAY. now, we are completing wr soon & focusing on op now. script is going to going through ten thousand editing also, just like my wr. but it is okay, because i know everything will be so so so worth it yay (;
next week, packing of goodie bag, full dress rehearsal on wed & the real deal, farewell assembly on fri, and amidst all these, pw is going to by my side and sticking really really closely like a sticky gum with me. but rather excited about next week, because it is going to get much much busier and hetic, but i am very sure that it would be really really eventful and significant to my 2015 (:
bonus: met up with Ming and spent the entire afternoon and night with her, just walking, eating and buying stuffs. (: it has also been 4 months since i last saw her and she also followed me to do some mini shopping for my wedding next week. we ate casual Italian food and had my second bingsu yay. we really caught up a lot with each other and laughed a lot too. one of my favourite in sec school and will still be one of my favourite in my life to come (:
**nicholas, please stop being weird at me & please stop giving me those knowingly stares and looks. yes, oyu looked like you have moved on (i hope i am right omg) and yes i am glad you do. stop looking at me with those 'i got something to say' face because i will constantly wonder what is going through that brain of yours.
& luzhengwei, FOR GODS SAKE, STOP TEXTING ME OMG STOP STOP STOP when i choose to ignore, choose to grey tick, choose to not reply, choose to move on, you stop holding on urgh. stop coming in and stop, just stop coming into my life. i am really really enjoying and being really thankful about everything right here and right now. no time for your bullshit and no time to entertaining useless shit in life too urgh.
'i am thankful that at everything that is placed before me. they allow me to lead a purposeful life and allow me to find meanings in my life too...'
:)
Countdown to the no1 highlight of 2015 : in exactly 2 months teehee
//
Friday, October 2, 2015
Goodbye Sept, Hello Oct
HELLO HELLO
Time flies oh dear, it is already the 10th month of 2015, and we are just left with two more months to to another new year.. My favourite season is almost here again, and i genuinely missed my Dec'2014. I spent so much time enjoying everything that was laid out to celebrate the season and had so much fun too. And most importantly, just being me and enjoying all the comfort food, people that i am comfortable with and creating really comforting memories. It was definitely one of my golden time so far, after living for 17 years in this planet yay man.
This, is the last week of Sept and the days flew by too, i spent the first two days struggling with burden 2015 and the remaining of the week rewarding myself and enjoying life woohoo (:
Mon : maths paper was really such a sweet heart omg and yes, it was for the very first time, i am genuinely thankful for maths in my life and after so much struggles with maths since p5, it has now actually become my last hope, my last straw to show that i can actually do something in jc. The journey with maths was so painful since p5 and now, it is my last and one and only last saving grace, oh dear. I cannot believe how things have changed. Chuken said that h1 maths suit me more and that it is giving me much much more confident than before already. And i think it is true too, teehee. But i kind of struggle a little during maths paper because i was trying rather hard to recall everything i wrote, memorised and studied. I faced some issues but hey, everything pulled through woohoo.
Tues : chi paper 2 and 3. I started studying on hari raya haji, one day after hell day. I am so thankful that i forced myself to study and constantly remind that laidback me that if i don't do it now, i won't focus the night before the actual paper and then i definitely ended up randomly study some of the extract/poems/prose. That actually worked much better and that i was only left with 5 the day before the paper. It was quite okay because it was the first time i actually properly studied each and every one before i go for my paper. And like what i thought, i knew the paper won't be a killer. The paper was really rather alright and should you have studied, it is impossible to screw it up or fail. Because there will be a switch of syllabus, they wanna push all of us up so they won't set a killer paper. Plus, they cannot retain so many people already so yeap.
For the lit paper, it was 4 choose 6. When i first saw the questions, i actually marked out the questions i wanted to do, but wow i ended up picking another question that i studied for SA and totally untouched at all instead of the one i studied omg. And i was just writing everything based on memory omg. And when i was doing the first question, i only wrote 3 lines and then i couldn't recall whatveceri studied oh dear. I panicked for 2 mins and then i told myself that 'no i need to move on and do others first. i will come back later' and i am glad i did that because i did the other questions and i felt so much at ease and when i finished writing the other 3, i went back. Though i didn't wrote as much as the others, but i am just glad my mind was rather calmed then and i could recall more woohoo.
The computer paper was alright too but it was a slight bad time management and i wrote to the end of the clock. Thank god i finished everything on time phew.
Overall, becasue of maths and chi paper, i ended my promos well and i can safely tell you that if i retain, it would only be because of either geo or econs. And i felt so much better about promos because i ended on the right note. I am thankful for these other two subjects woohoo. And with this, i officially conclude that i completed and survived burden 2015
YAY YAY YAY
Wed : ikea with weiran. It was probably the most retarded and funny time because we first forgotten to alight at our stop and then we ended up on the highway which transported us all the way to punggol oh dear. HAHAHA. We ended up at a rather ulu place and we didn't what bus to take back omg HAHAH. That girl then said she wanna take ootd lmao at where we were stranded omg. And what is our solution? C A B. We cabbed back and we were just like 'what were we doing before that lmao' ikea food is probably one of the reason why ikea is surviving so well tbh. The food is love as usual and omg i missed them all so much?? Everything was so on point asdfghjkl. And i had fun playing with all the furniture and household things as well. HAHAHA. And weiran did bought her bowls and i bought stuff too, unknowingly omg. Bought a travel mug, a jug and scented candle. All in all, it was a great day with great food, great place and great company teehee.
Thurs : finally, after ten thousand years, i met up with that girl i grew up with and we were friend since p1, & and this year, it is really our 10th year of knowing each other. Honestly, we rarely met up and rarely talked also. But, because of that, whenever we meet, we always have many many things to say. And i had my first bingsu try. fml, that little piece of ice is so so good?? like everything blends it so well, especially the milk?? and all the fillings compliment each other and everything tasted like heaven?? 'one spoon, and you are brought to heaven and i have to agree?? kbbq was nice too but as usual, buffet hates me so i didn't eat much too :( and then we went to many places as well. And after finally another five hundred years, my screen protector came off and i really had to change it. My phone feels like a new phone again + the new phone cover makes it looks so so elegant once again omg i really have talent sia. My phone is being ill-treated so badly by me but then whenever i changed it, it looks like a new phone again omg. Who will believe that is already 3 years old and approaching her 4th soon already? HAHAHA. And i bought a super adorable pencil case too yay man.
And omg, can i say? Why do i constantly meet people whenever i goes out omg? Like at ikea, tpjc people were everywhere -.- and marcus was with his friends and i think he knows me too bc when the moment he saw me, he nodded in my direction and then all his friends turned and looked at me urgh fml. and tpjc people are pda-ing in uniform and i am like 'girl are you kidding me?'
And then today at orchard, i met 4 people i know omg. first person was charissa and her friends, second was jiawei, third was amanda and her boyfriend and then last was limin's classmate. omg, one trip and i see so many tpjc people walking up and down smh. Met both sec school and jc people but mostly jc, and i am just like 'omg why do all of you gather around omg' i was so scared to meet people i know and then i ended up meeting so many fml.
BUT, minus all these redundant people, i am thankful for these two days out because i spent much quality time with the people i loved for a very long time teehee.
Fri : pw lesson in the morning later. pw being a burden and teachers are way way too efficient omg. the moment promos ended, all damn pw work schedule come flowing in and then the post promos aka pw & mtl timetable is out, but it ain't making much sense to me smh.
I better get my A for putting so much efforts into pw omg. Like i genuinely feel that all my efforts are really worth an A.
Goodbye studies, hello pw. Let's spend a good 1.5 months together and make all these shit MORE THAN worthwhile please.
Sat&Sun : going back malaysia and yes, finally after missing so so so many many many times, I AM FINALLY ABLE TO FOLLOW BACK OMG YES OMG
missing everything back home and i cannot wait to spend my time, stoning again teehee.
okay, looking forward to it now yay for more peaceful and real relaxing time now woohoo
And this is now the end of my 9th month of 2015. The next 2 months will just revolved around council, pw and lastly, studies and academic week. Results are coming back in nov. I pray that everything will be alright and i can move up to the next year sigh. But now, let's focus on pw and make sure i secure my A asdfghjkl.
It was one super hectic month and literally, everyday went back so so fast and when it finally all ended, it is really the end now. I am more than grateful everything is over and yes, i can finally released and put down that burden that i had been carrying with me since feb 2015. I felt so much at ease and yes, it is all about pw now. Thank lord for everything that was placed before me and now it is time to receive them all with an accepting heart and make the best out of it.
3 more months, let's continue to make the remaining time worthwhile and enjoy everything while it last.
'yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, and today is a gift; that's why it is call the present'
amen
//
Time flies oh dear, it is already the 10th month of 2015, and we are just left with two more months to to another new year.. My favourite season is almost here again, and i genuinely missed my Dec'2014. I spent so much time enjoying everything that was laid out to celebrate the season and had so much fun too. And most importantly, just being me and enjoying all the comfort food, people that i am comfortable with and creating really comforting memories. It was definitely one of my golden time so far, after living for 17 years in this planet yay man.
This, is the last week of Sept and the days flew by too, i spent the first two days struggling with burden 2015 and the remaining of the week rewarding myself and enjoying life woohoo (:
Mon : maths paper was really such a sweet heart omg and yes, it was for the very first time, i am genuinely thankful for maths in my life and after so much struggles with maths since p5, it has now actually become my last hope, my last straw to show that i can actually do something in jc. The journey with maths was so painful since p5 and now, it is my last and one and only last saving grace, oh dear. I cannot believe how things have changed. Chuken said that h1 maths suit me more and that it is giving me much much more confident than before already. And i think it is true too, teehee. But i kind of struggle a little during maths paper because i was trying rather hard to recall everything i wrote, memorised and studied. I faced some issues but hey, everything pulled through woohoo.
Tues : chi paper 2 and 3. I started studying on hari raya haji, one day after hell day. I am so thankful that i forced myself to study and constantly remind that laidback me that if i don't do it now, i won't focus the night before the actual paper and then i definitely ended up randomly study some of the extract/poems/prose. That actually worked much better and that i was only left with 5 the day before the paper. It was quite okay because it was the first time i actually properly studied each and every one before i go for my paper. And like what i thought, i knew the paper won't be a killer. The paper was really rather alright and should you have studied, it is impossible to screw it up or fail. Because there will be a switch of syllabus, they wanna push all of us up so they won't set a killer paper. Plus, they cannot retain so many people already so yeap.
For the lit paper, it was 4 choose 6. When i first saw the questions, i actually marked out the questions i wanted to do, but wow i ended up picking another question that i studied for SA and totally untouched at all instead of the one i studied omg. And i was just writing everything based on memory omg. And when i was doing the first question, i only wrote 3 lines and then i couldn't recall whatveceri studied oh dear. I panicked for 2 mins and then i told myself that 'no i need to move on and do others first. i will come back later' and i am glad i did that because i did the other questions and i felt so much at ease and when i finished writing the other 3, i went back. Though i didn't wrote as much as the others, but i am just glad my mind was rather calmed then and i could recall more woohoo.
The computer paper was alright too but it was a slight bad time management and i wrote to the end of the clock. Thank god i finished everything on time phew.
Overall, becasue of maths and chi paper, i ended my promos well and i can safely tell you that if i retain, it would only be because of either geo or econs. And i felt so much better about promos because i ended on the right note. I am thankful for these other two subjects woohoo. And with this, i officially conclude that i completed and survived burden 2015
YAY YAY YAY
Wed : ikea with weiran. It was probably the most retarded and funny time because we first forgotten to alight at our stop and then we ended up on the highway which transported us all the way to punggol oh dear. HAHAHA. We ended up at a rather ulu place and we didn't what bus to take back omg HAHAH. That girl then said she wanna take ootd lmao at where we were stranded omg. And what is our solution? C A B. We cabbed back and we were just like 'what were we doing before that lmao' ikea food is probably one of the reason why ikea is surviving so well tbh. The food is love as usual and omg i missed them all so much?? Everything was so on point asdfghjkl. And i had fun playing with all the furniture and household things as well. HAHAHA. And weiran did bought her bowls and i bought stuff too, unknowingly omg. Bought a travel mug, a jug and scented candle. All in all, it was a great day with great food, great place and great company teehee.
Thurs : finally, after ten thousand years, i met up with that girl i grew up with and we were friend since p1, & and this year, it is really our 10th year of knowing each other. Honestly, we rarely met up and rarely talked also. But, because of that, whenever we meet, we always have many many things to say. And i had my first bingsu try. fml, that little piece of ice is so so good?? like everything blends it so well, especially the milk?? and all the fillings compliment each other and everything tasted like heaven?? 'one spoon, and you are brought to heaven and i have to agree?? kbbq was nice too but as usual, buffet hates me so i didn't eat much too :( and then we went to many places as well. And after finally another five hundred years, my screen protector came off and i really had to change it. My phone feels like a new phone again + the new phone cover makes it looks so so elegant once again omg i really have talent sia. My phone is being ill-treated so badly by me but then whenever i changed it, it looks like a new phone again omg. Who will believe that is already 3 years old and approaching her 4th soon already? HAHAHA. And i bought a super adorable pencil case too yay man.
And omg, can i say? Why do i constantly meet people whenever i goes out omg? Like at ikea, tpjc people were everywhere -.- and marcus was with his friends and i think he knows me too bc when the moment he saw me, he nodded in my direction and then all his friends turned and looked at me urgh fml. and tpjc people are pda-ing in uniform and i am like 'girl are you kidding me?'
And then today at orchard, i met 4 people i know omg. first person was charissa and her friends, second was jiawei, third was amanda and her boyfriend and then last was limin's classmate. omg, one trip and i see so many tpjc people walking up and down smh. Met both sec school and jc people but mostly jc, and i am just like 'omg why do all of you gather around omg' i was so scared to meet people i know and then i ended up meeting so many fml.
BUT, minus all these redundant people, i am thankful for these two days out because i spent much quality time with the people i loved for a very long time teehee.
Fri : pw lesson in the morning later. pw being a burden and teachers are way way too efficient omg. the moment promos ended, all damn pw work schedule come flowing in and then the post promos aka pw & mtl timetable is out, but it ain't making much sense to me smh.
I better get my A for putting so much efforts into pw omg. Like i genuinely feel that all my efforts are really worth an A.
Goodbye studies, hello pw. Let's spend a good 1.5 months together and make all these shit MORE THAN worthwhile please.
Sat&Sun : going back malaysia and yes, finally after missing so so so many many many times, I AM FINALLY ABLE TO FOLLOW BACK OMG YES OMG
missing everything back home and i cannot wait to spend my time, stoning again teehee.
okay, looking forward to it now yay for more peaceful and real relaxing time now woohoo
And this is now the end of my 9th month of 2015. The next 2 months will just revolved around council, pw and lastly, studies and academic week. Results are coming back in nov. I pray that everything will be alright and i can move up to the next year sigh. But now, let's focus on pw and make sure i secure my A asdfghjkl.
It was one super hectic month and literally, everyday went back so so fast and when it finally all ended, it is really the end now. I am more than grateful everything is over and yes, i can finally released and put down that burden that i had been carrying with me since feb 2015. I felt so much at ease and yes, it is all about pw now. Thank lord for everything that was placed before me and now it is time to receive them all with an accepting heart and make the best out of it.
3 more months, let's continue to make the remaining time worthwhile and enjoy everything while it last.
'yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, and today is a gift; that's why it is call the present'
amen
//
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