Roller Coaster ;

HEYYY
Disappeared for two weeks and finally back. Many things happened during this period of time and i swear, it was one hell roller coaster ride. I can't say they are all bad, and neither are they all good and well. But, i would say it has allowed me to actually have a taste of many unknown feelings i never have had before and unknowingly forge wonderful memories as well. i would say, it was two weeks, with numerous ups and downs, and many many life changing and unexpected moments.

Okay, where should i start? i am lost myself. Just a day after i update the blog, i had my ever first confession. since young, from drama and tv, i find all the romantic moments sweet and cute and adorable and i always tell my friends 'i am still waiting for my prince charming' HAHAHA. it may seemed dumb to many of the people around me but every girl has her own little secret romance she yearns isn't it? so when the real thing finally hit me, i was totally taken aback and was like huh and what. i had so many questions in my mind and i don't even know which to start. tbh, i am very shocked that someone really actually liked me, like i am not very outstanding, neither am i someone that is really pretty or have amazing results. i am really someone, if you just put it that way, your neighborhood girl with honestly zero talents and skills lmao. so yeap, i am (yes it is still a present issue) really thankful someone like me for who i am. thanks for seeing the good in me HAHAHA. but sadly, i felt sad for him. bc i don't feel the same way as him and similarly, he was just another guy i felt that we can talk about random shit and laugh and have fun together. i was really really open and very comfortable with him. yes, he is not that bad looking but i guess, my eyes was already fixed on a particular someone since day 2 of orientation? teehee. and what i couldn't draw the most important link was he just liked me after we have known each other for half a year, like are you saying you fall in love with me in first sight? wow, okay i am sorry i never believed in that. like eye candy or crush make sense but liking someone at first sight, sorry this seems really unbelievable. hahaha and really i believe that hanging out together, finding out more about the other party and realizing we have many in common and you feel good about yourself when you are with him, yes this is tbh what i am looking for. it has been a while since i like an opposite gender, and i can safely tell you that, when i fall in love, i fall hard. i fall really hard for that particular individual. and yes i warned mum abt the same thing too, i will be the craziest girl ever and when i broke up, haha. you can't find me for a month and yes i believe i need a very very long time to get over him (hence, i can never understand anyone that can date 3 days later after they broke up like huh you had zero feelings for that someone before that??) the last guy i liked (hopefully i believed i got over him already, like finally) was my primary school crush, whom i liked for a good whole 6 years. even until last year, i continued to spazz over him, and this shows how much i really like someone. now, currently, i don't have anyone on my mind and what ahma told me continue to ring in me and i never wanna forget and forgo bc what she said was really true. (omg i sidetrack so much smh)
okay, back to burden chan. these few days, after i rejected him, i swear i am seeing the weirdest and the most unexplainable burden chan omg. i don't know what is going through his mind and i have no idea what he actually wants now. he constantly say things that has hidden meanings but at the same time, it doesn't seemed to have any special meanings to them. like i am sorry i rejected you and you are feeling so butthurt but if i said yes to your confession, isn't that even more unfair for you? like honestly, whatever you do for me during this r/s, i wouldn't feel touched or happy, but more i will feel guilty towards you like i don't feel i deserve all these bc i don't reciprocate the same way as you do to me!! bc i know myself, if i really like you, i will do even more unexpected things that i cannot believe either myself for you, and just for the most simple reason of i really like you. and now, i need to try to understand you and your real weird actions bc i just cannot close both eyes bc honestly, you made it really obvious lmao. people keep on telling me to ignore or roll my eyes at you, but have you ever wonder why i never did all these? when i ignore, you start assuming which scares me so much i swear and i don't roll my eyes just bc i still treasure you as my friend and i genuinely feel that we shouldn't let this stupid shit ruin our friendship (but no you wanna ruin it so badly smh) and i also feel that this confession has nothing wrong at all and we just need to switch and twist our thoughts and feelings more that's all. so, i really pray and hope that you can stop being so weird and maybe, tell me what you really want from me. i understand it will be hard now, considering the amount of rejection and hurt, but i am willing to give you the time to make things right. i genuinely hope things will alright eventually and that you are still someone that i don't want to lose as a friend. thanks so much. :)

i swear, that one week was so hard to go through. i was cringing every single moment i had and i was literally shaking like most of my times omg. it was so painful and agonising but idk why i just couldn't get it off me and it continues to weigh me down so so much. it was to the point that i will shake unknowingly and i subconsciously lose my focus and concentration which i genuinely hate it so much omg like why am i so affected by this omg sigh

and moving on, LTC
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
because for whatever happened above, i was safely put into the same group as him which i prayed so hard every single day for a good whole week. i was so stressed and overwhelmed by it and it was to the point i wanted to give camp a miss and just submit a random mc. i even missed malaysia trip for camp omg such sacrifice i made. and i was all ready to give up everything just so to exchange for a different group from him bc i know i am definitely not ready to face him. (lmao i was running away every single chance i have and have so much problems being in the same room or even same environment i cannot) but no life decide to give such a big bomb and made me carried for three whole days i cry. i still rememebered clearly that i had such a severe mental breakdown when i first saw the grouping lists and i ran around the entire function room and my face was just clearly written 'hi i officially gave up on camp and can i really just opt to go home now?' i was this close to cry and i really wanted to come up with the dumbest reason just so as to go home. zhonghng knows the best how i look at that point of time and it was for the very first time, i really gave up on life and lost all my motivation sigh it was so so so sad omg. first day went passed like that, me being really afraid and just wanna get away from his environment so badly omg. however, second day, third day, things suddenly took a different turn and many things became unknowingly a lot better and more comfortable. by the end of camp, i can made eye contact with him and have really simple conversations and i can even laugh at his legit stupid jokes yes i can do all these omg, i am so proud of myself.
i would say camp is quite disappointing bc tbh i actually expected more and that the activities were really the common ones, nothing out of the ordinary. i would say the only thing i liked the most would be the trust fall. it was one in a lifetime experience for sure and i really felt super cool after i did it so well like i did it the proper way and i genuinely trust the people below me to catch me. so yes, i did it. (: but really, throughout the camp, i was trying so hard to contain myself and be as normal as possible so i guess that is also why i couldn't enjoy the camp as much but oh well, the bunk would definitely be something i loved loved so much haha. we slept on beds and with air-con omg i felt so good omg T^T
but most importantly, it was from the camp, telepathic trio is really officially established and we even had over very first outing together lmao HAHAHA. i was so thankful for that two dudes during camp bc only you were there, you will know how much efforts i put in for this camp and how much i tried to be a better person lmao haha okay i am done with myself here too.

moving on, after camp, school resumed but it was the national day holiday weekend, so there was only 3 days of school. everyday i was so tired bc tbh i didn't had a really good rest after camp and i had so many things on my mind too (including how to be act in front of a burden) so super thankful it was a short week yeap and also finally, a break for me to study. (:
thurs, national day celebration + council via. Guess who was late for school, forgotten her lego and geo file and basically started the day wrongly lmao. oh and i need to report sch early for a week oh waht genius we have here i cannot (the only thing that made me happy was eye candy was late too and i saw him omg?? i was so happy can i say that omg HAHAHAHA) national day celebation was cool bc jieai wore a baju aka malay dress and welfare comm did it together so it was super adorable i would say it that way yay hahaha. and then via was unexpectedly alright too woohoo. for the first time, visit to elderly home was such great fun and i would say the elderly were so adorable omg woohoo. council people are such great people omg i am so thankful i made the choice to enter council bc i am just glad that i am able to enjoy the company of these absolutely wonderful people yay. but you know, among all ten things, there is of course 1 that must be there to screw you up and i would say to strike a balance lmao. and of course what could it be else other than burden chan. burden chan was such a weirdo and he spoke with unexplained words and with unexplained tone, accompanied with unexplained facial expressions wow. he kept on said stuffs that only us two understood plus words that hint and don't hint at the same time which actually gets on me so much :) and oh dear god, he even decide to block my way and just stare at me for a minute before moving away like wow. but other than that, i had a great time bonding with my fellow council friends and i would say it was a great afternoon spent together :) moving on, me and chuken were literally dragged into council dinner hahaha. even though it wasn't planned, i was glad we went in bc we had such an intellectual talk with the teachers and omg i received so much information from the teachers and even saw the light in econs omg?? that was probably the best enlightenment omg i felt like all these while all the econs terms made sense in just one snap omg. (what is delphine tan doing i swear i cannot) and of course burden chan never let go of any moment to be weird to me what is new right people? ^^ but i would say, it was the perfect end to the week and really, i wouldn't want it otherwise (:

fri, telepathic trio met up for lunch and study date and omg we were back at seoul garden and even at the same seat HAHAHA. it was a great day spent together and guys, i am the third wheel okay i swear with my life omg. << please take note!! study date was better than expected omg wow?? like i completed 3/4 of my work yay man woohoo. and i would said it was a great bonding session woohoo yay !! love love love xoxo ;

sat, met up with weiran and can i say how much i miss that bitch even though we are just one class away lmao?? i said so many things i wanna tell her and omg we don't even see each other frequent enough smh sigh but it was so good bc we updated each other about ourselves and i was finally able to have a good talk with her and basically being dumb all over again yay !! study session was relatively productive too so i am really satisfied with the day teehee.

and finally, Sunday, national day, sg 50th birthday. spent the day at home and mama and papa came home early specially just to eat dinner with me omg i was so touched like so many yay and love for them woohoo teehee.

okay with this, i officially end my two weeks worth of roller coaster and wow so many things happened and so so crazy like omg but what can i say, it was through all these i established friendships, bonded so much with all my loved ones and finally started studying lmao. next week onwards, things would get even more shitty and definitely,  i would be more shag, tired and maybe, really wanted to give up on life so much. but i know, i am not on this journey, i have many wonderful and amazing people that are going to be beside me. so thank you so much all in advanced and really you guys are the treasures in my life
xoxo much love woohoo ;

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