Okay, sorry for disappearing again for so long, i lost my phone again so basically i cannot blog anymore on my phone and just update my blog via the phone. It was so much more efficient and i could write so much more because of all the fresh memories on my mind sigh. Anyway, before i actually dive into my happenings for two week, i have a small and little confession + worry + concern that is weighing me down quite down badly these few days sigh. I am so so worried about this because it is going to soon-to-be my worry for 2016 sigh, omg why of all people it is him omg....
He is so sweet, caring, nice and mostly unexpected and seriously, and i am not going to deny the fact that my overthinking is acting so so freaking much that i am so vexed about it as well sigh. It is so unhealthy and so wrong and defintely something that i am not supposed to feel or venture towards. But one thing for sure, this is just a one-sided thing and for the very first time, i am thankful that it is a one-sided thing omg. Okay, why am i so preoccupied with it because the feeling never come for some time already and every other person, i can safely say and cross my heart and even swear, that my status will remained unchanged to the end. But for him, i am starting to shake and quaver so much.....Like for the start, i was very certain that nothing will change and of course, knowing the expectations so well at home, i know what is okay and what is not. But, i really don't know right now...I am so confused about this right now. And the fact that i am taking notice of him so much more right now doesn't help for any either sigh...Like, okay when i get closer to someone, i do take note of that person more and more, but omg this is a different kind of taking notice, it is like going towards the eyecandy/affection side, which is of course wrong luh wth. But, i am okay when he is hanging out with his other closer girl friends, like they are your friends i can't really be bothered about it but omg, the feeling is wrong la wth. And the fact that i remembers things about him bother me even more like wth, that is him, that is his shit stop trying to think so much about it but sigh, apparently it ain't helping la duh sigh...
Anyway, i am moving on to instances in life right now. So apparently, he wanted to remind me to do my sgc and submit to the teachers but he did in via skype and yeah, we ended up talking a bit on skype as well. It legit became another space of whatsapp because it will be one party talking and then the other party will reply later afterwards. Oh, and yeah i looked off on last thurs and he noticed it and so he wanted to ask me about it, so yeah we talked about that issue via skype and sigh, he send this small chunk of real encouraging and comforting words, and of course i am touched no doubt. And it was just a random rant of, what pissed me even more was i didn't had my phone so i can't take photo or screenshot it because i legit wanna frame it up, and guess what, when he saw me again on monday, he freaking printed that section, coupled with drawings omg. It was this dog picture with my new favourite quote on my pencil case,
'every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day'
Yeah, our favourite quote altogether right now hahah
I was so shocked because of course, i wasn't expecting that and then that random statement of mine became something that he saw and took note. It was so sweet please wth omg. Oh, and honestly i hate to admit that this entire week, every now and then, whenever i take a look at that, it oddly comforts me somehow and i just feel genuinely much better afterwards. lmao we probably got even closer now that my phone is gone please wth. Oh, and yeah looking at it before physical geo was real great and yeah, i gave a kiss to that little piece of shit hahaha loser jieai in action oh well.
Oh, and don't ask what happened, we started coordinating what we wear to school lmao. Initially, i didn't expect anything at all and it was just another random stupid thing that we created out of nowhere, so he actually started asking me what i want him to wear to school omg lmao, it was for the fun at the start but then eventually, we started legit seriously seeing what each other wear omg. And actually last thurs, he wore polo to school. Tbh, i am shocked omg. Like i certainly did not expect it from him. And i was actually trying to see what he would wear on thurs, and yeah he wore polo again. The thing is, he loved uniform so much recently and that he doesn't like polo on him so wow, when he wore polo to school omg...Okay, i am overthinking af right now seriously....
And cries, i probably didn't mention it but yeah, on the day when we cleaned the council room, when everything is over, he passed me an envelope, with four cards and a rather long letter omg..It was a letter written from the start of council camp 2015 to currently right now. Honestly, this friendship with him is something i certainly did not expect myself to get it, because i never could have imagine myself getting close to him anyway hahaha
Because he probably saw how disappointed and sad my lightstick didn't work during council camp, so he bought more and yeah, i thought i was going to cry while reading the card but it was really sweet and fml, i was more than touched because it was something that i genuinely didn't expect but sigh, it was honestly way too good to be true seriously.
I think i read the letter at least 10 times already and i am starting to remb the content already seriously sigh, it was just too cute la wth it is not even fair like that omg....
I love it so much, really i love it so much omg.
Actually, we started this entire thing because of council work and all. From then, we spent and just hang out so much together. So so much. chuken called this a boss and secretary relationship, i don't doubt that but i am afraid that the secretary is behaving real odd right now, and certainly it is unhealthy and we all watch dramas, read books and we all know that when a boss and secretary get together, it is plain odd and weird and basically, unbelievable oh well.
Honestly, times spent with him is fun, no doubt. I enjoy my times with him, no doubt. What is scaring me is my current mindset right now. Certainly not ready for it w t h.
I cannot stop finding him during breaks, notice him around school and legit wanna see him at lest once everyday in school, can be either in the morning or any other time. It is certainly unhealthy af. And yeah pe lesson today, i keep on finding his presence, stealing glances and all sigh...Wed and fri are probably the days that i am actually rather happy hahaha and oh ya our emails that we created whereby i named it whatsapp 2.0 lmao and yeah, the stuff that we talked about in the email is real simple and nothing much but sigh, it just brings a smile to me omg.
And actually, whenever i think of the things we did together, it will just brings a smile to me and i started giggling myself oh well.....
Talked to jessa because it was the very first thing that came to my mind and then she told me something so yeah, i just said it. Then, limxiequan was next and him being an asshole, keep on subtly mentioning about him oh well. And weiran was next, and she analyse the situation so yeah, she said that i am just like that because of the fond memories and all and it is just admiration/appreciation so yeah. And finally joel, and he said whatever right now is because i am just liking what he did and the stuff that he is doing is what i am expecting from my boyfriend so yeah, i am just liking his actions not him so yeah.
Certainly hoping everything is just temporary and that it will all end soon, please omg please
nights all
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