Two weeks flew by & there were so many things that happened. Didn't start the year right and it kind of worried that this year, 2016 won't be a good year especially i am taking As this year. ): I even checked the 2016, for the zodiac of tiger and they said it will be a rough year this year so i am genuinely worried that things might not look up for me and i might also experienced many unwanted unhappiness and sorrows. I am really worried about that omg ): Please just hope that it is me being paranoid that's all sigh pie....
Okay, updating some news!! These two weeks have been really wonderful becasue it was two weeks filled with many fun, enjoyable, trembling, sad and anguish moments.
4-6jan: ogl camp, super thankful for camp because Prometheus, or we all prefer brinjals HAHAH is now officially one big family and everyone is just so comfortable with one another. I really love the bonds among the family and i am so glad that we don't have any outcast in the family, super thankful for that i swear :') I won't ask for any switch now because to me, brinjals are the best and nothing else beats that :)
^ will have a solo post about camp because it was one amazing camp, and by far the best camp to me since council camp & ltc. YES IT IS HAHAH
7jan: came back from camp & entire body was soreing so so much from the camp & because i haven't been moving my ass for way too long, the shagness and fatigue that followed after the camp was amazing that i thought it will be so hard for me to move oh lord... I even had muscle aches at the weirdest parts like the soles of my feet & my palms?? I couldn't even lift a cup of water up what even... And because of that, i spent the entire day just lazing around and of course, no completion of work HAHAHA
8jan: met up with the one and only amazing jacq hahah and it was such a great day of eating, talking, walking, mini shopping & most importantly, catching up :')
Love the saying that no matter how long a pair of bestfriends are separated, when they come together again, it seemed that they have nothing to stop talking about :)
We didn't wanted to go home and so we ended up watching movie instead lmao hahah, watched the alvin and the chipmunks. It was just a very simple date but it was a date that requires zero efforts on my part because everything just follow so so naturally and there was no awkward silence at all :)
9-10jan: i was just rushing homework and nothing else and finally start to panic because my homework is way too much behind time and i need to get my shit together lmao
Had a simple family time over macs supper on sat but it was a good closure to my holidays teehee
11jan: first day of school but teehee, no lessons becasue the school is super kind to us and they gave us bonding time as a class over breakfast and apples for the teachers, lollipops for the students and it was just some review over school rules and ms koh policies urgh fml. And then, it is the end of the day and what is all left is to prepare for the open house that is upcoming the very next day.
Super thankful for this kind of first day of school because they understand the pain of us unable to return just yet so they gave us a break and slowly recovering hahah.
12jan: open house. another great memory created because it was one day that was filled with so much great excitement and fun-filled moments. I was in-charge of receptions for both shifts so i just had to station myself at the foyer the entire day. My job was just to give out the goodie bags and notice the logisitcs people should there is a short of goodie bags. But in the end, i was the balloon girl the entire day, giving out balloons to all my visitors and it was probably one of my most favourite job teehee. But lmao, second shift i was supposed to be marking attendance and account for the tour guides of the second shift people. So i was supposed to be doing reception, along with the attendance taking. Partner was ruihan for the first shift and chuken for the second shift. Both of us were taking attendance but i will just be assisting him because i am taking double roles, like both giving out balloons and helping me to take attendance. While giving out balloons, i was also directing people to the other side of the foyer so that they can take attendance with chuken. fml, after that day, i can finalyl conclude my enitre life i can't run away from admin, and though i hate to admit, but i have been doing admin ever since i entered council lmao what even. From council camp, to farewell assembly and then for ogl camp too, and now even open house, i am quite a good half admin and half welfare hahahah.
During open house, it was super fun because i was just giving out balloons, watched the performances happening and perform the mass dance when they call for the ogls that's all. The entire day was super easy yet super fun. And yes, friends nalaaaaaaan came for open house too btw.
I was quite doubtful about him coming at first becasue he did asked me when was open house but i wasn't certain and yes, he did come. I didn't realise he was here and it was all just pure coincidence, when i was just turning around the other side, i saw him, standing right there with his group of friends. When i turned, we just met eye contact, and then he just smiled and he mouthed hi to me. I did the same thing back to him la duh (basic courtesy). (fml i thought he was quite cute when he smiled fml fml fml)
Why is he so tall because when he just stand there and he's practically just out-stand everyone omg i cannot.
I hate to admit but he is cute omg, like he is cute when he wear specs, but quite good-looking when he doesn't wear specs urgh this kind of guy i cannot omg
It was super awkward but i told myself to pass him balloons when he is walking past me hahahah. And so i passed him balloons and then tell him, yes you can go now hahah.
He was walking around with his track friends and classmates, nothing much but i guess i was stationed at the foyer so everytime he walked passed the foyer, i will see him??? lmao, what even.
And then, he sat down when there was performances at the foyer, and i couldn't resist myself so i took a photo of his backview (fml jieai you suck i agree wholeheartedly)
Everything went out super smoothly until we were all super tired and shag alre from the entire day so we all sat down at the stairs at the foyer area. And everything just happened so well because he decide to just stand at the back of all of us, and when performances are starting, HE JUST DECIDE TO PLOT HIMSELF RIGHT AT THE BACK OF ME WTH HE PURPOSELY ONE OMG WTH
For a good 15mins, i didn't dare to move and i thought i was going to die omg what even. Chuken was beside me but he left to finish some work and i also placed the balloon one side, but when i was back, my seat was kind of gone and chuken's seat was also taken, which basically means i have to move back and sit even closer to nalaaaaaaan...... He started asking me some stuff regarding orientation and open house, and duh i have to reply and respond to me yes i am a very respectful girl HAHAHAH
Then he asked me, if there was a mass dance later and if all ogls are suppose to dance, or more of if i am dancing (he is a piece of shit friends), i tried to say that i am a councillor, but he goes on that a councillor is also an ogl and a councillor should set a good example, fml this dude seriously. But, tbh when we were having that convo, i was kind of reminded what happened during farewell assembly, when i was standing on stage, goofing around with the council people, fml friends he saw me dancing what even, embarrassing much.
And he said he will be back 15mins later, guys he need to stop. Guys, 15mins has never been so agonising i swear and it was a 15mins that i thought my heart is going to die what even. But omg, he is really cute like urgh, AND HE HAS BABY FACE OMG
3 things a guy shouldn't have on his face:
1. cute smile
2. baby face
3. dimples
When nalaaaaaaan fulfill 2/3, i decide to give up on life.
And i am not bias okay, i asked a few people alre. Everyone agree that he is good looking and yes, he can make it HAHAH
And then, i was hanging around here and there, i mean open house is ending so you don't really have to do much anymore, and so we just stood at the side. When nalaaaaaaan came to that area because his friends i were there, i decide to move away lmao. Awkward much okay, i cannot stand myself to be near his premises what even.
Btw, i told claudia about him too & i told claudia where was he so that she can also take a look at him and yes, he can make it omg i am so happy because everyone agrees his face can make it fml.
I think i will be a potato from now onwards omg.
Moving on, when mass dance is about to start, i went to the other side of the foyer and fml, why did we even made eye contact when both of us were standing at different ends of the foyer, does it even make sense urgh omg, he was grinning super big at me and i was just like, he needs to stop i cannot. But i wanted to dance and have fun, but no way am i going to allow him to watch me dance okay. farewell assembly was just i was kept in the dark so i cannot blame anyone alright. And so i grab denise and hidayah and went all the way to the back of the foyer and purposely get many many tall guys to block me out okay. It was super fun dancing around and i was so glad i was blocked and he decide to sit down hahahah. Mass dance over and finally, open house is over omg. He left with his friends but idk why, he made sure he said bye to me.
Friends, i am going to die because of him omg. Like when prom just ended and that period was quite weird because i kept on here and there, thought of him and the stuff he said. But during aussie and after aussie, i swear to god i completely forgotten about everything regarding him, like i swear i even forgotten how he looked like what even, until i decdie to take a look at his ig and the photo we took together. Tbh, i still feel so bad that i never follow back all these while when he followed me on ig for a good 7 months omg i genuinely felt bad about this aprt though. Like i even followed xylon after a short while, like 1-2 months later omg. But i didn't even know or follow back until so long, i feel quit bad towards him though. But okay, friends you cannot blame me too because i never knew about him until prom la wth wth
And when i was back, i was so caught up with all my schedules & homework & ogl camp, so i didn't really have time to think of him so yes.
(fml, idk what is worse, i dreamt about him one day and it was probably one of the craziest dream ever because i dreamed abt him posting to me one whole book of his growing years & at the back there was a letter, and i was like still in a state of shock & cringing much, and so i just went to the last line of the letter and 'i will propose to you' was written at the bottom, i almost threw the book what even)
Okay, chuken asked me, will i ever consider him more than friends, and if i decide to say stuff like super best friend or mega super good best friend, he will slap me HAHAHA
And also, he send me a happy new year text & still thank me for giving him a good 2015 when i accepted his friend request lmao hahah. Okay, maybe we are friends?? But though, it was more of he is trying to get to know his eyecandy more, and i am trying to get to know a stranger more that's all. He is more of an acquaintance to me though ): but i think it is moving towards eyecandy for me soon idk omg ): because i think he is getting cuter omg ): cry die me friends.
And he said if i ever need any help in terms of life or academics, i can ask him but sigh, i think bc of a zhengwei, i genuinely hate to have this kind of convo alre though ): idk sigh, yes he is one year older than me, but idk let's just don't go that way alright. I rather we talk shit and we just update each other about each other's life and i prefer things to be that way. And hence, i won't ask him anything because i genuinely hate advice convo....sigh, i think i still have some bad memories about what happened previously bah.. sorry nalaaaaaaan ):
Like if you really wanna talk, i rather you be super awkward and just start with anything and ask me about the sky lmao. I rather answer your stupid question regarding the sky than academics stuff i swear.
Okay, maybe i shouldn't even have so much hopes because eventually, the both of us might not even move to that stage you know, the future is still unknown but at least for now, first impression is good hahah. I am a super bad girl and i won't dare to do anything neither will i take the first step though, so yes it is basically if he doesn't talk to me, there will be no further progress or updates from now onwards though....
btw, i dreamed about him again... someone hold me right now... I can't remb clearly anymore but it was just another crazy dream with him that's all.
Okay, friends, prior to yesterday, i wasn't sure if i really would allow us to progress to that stage or we would remain as super great senior and junior, but one thing for sure, he gave me a good first impression and i am not scared off (:
But after that day, i think i might wanna start building my friend-zoned wall, like i just start building first and don't allow any chance bah. Friends, he posted a photo with this lg. LG = life group, which also means it is like a group of christians gathered together and preached about god and christ. Please always remb that i am not against any religion nor do i have any issues against christians but over and over again, i was constantly reminded about what happened back at my dad's extended family where how much religion can caused so much trouble and conflict to the family. And i once asked before, what should you do when your other half is not a christian, what would you do & the reply i got was, talk to him/her and tell him/her about christ and convince him to accept christ to his life. It was from that day onwards, that i know that if my other half is a christian or basically something else other than buddhist, we will not get together anymore. I rather die a lonely death and i am not kidding friends. Free thinker is still alright for me , but especially from the other side like catholics or christains, i am really sorry, we are nothing more than friends.
And basically when nalaaaaaaan decide to be part of christ, that is basically a no start from us two alre. I am ready to maintain just a super simple senior and junior friendship from now onwards.
So yeap, i am heartless and wth, but i really cannot stand when we get to the topic of religion, we will have conflicting views and it will just hurt the friendship so yes. But if he is not or otherwise, then maybe i can change my views lmao hahah.
Religion is such a sensitive issue that no way am i going to ruin it just like that, no just no. And i have just way too many examples around me so yes i don't want the same thing to happen to me. I can't afford. I can have friends that they are all of various religions but when it comes to find a partner, i would genuinely prefer someone of the same.
Okay, i need to move on because i have been saying too much about nalaaaaaaan and that is way too long of a post about him please friends. And yes, things haven't been too good ever since the year start and i also accidentally offended a stranger, and which happened to be weiran's aunt too ): it was so rude of me but sigh she was pissed at me, and now she felt that people are so weird here at tpjc, which makes me feel so bad towards everything and her and everyone ):
And urgh, rosemund tan. GOD DAMN ROSEMUND TAN. SOMEONE STOP HER RIGHT NOW. idk why, everytime i talked about her, it is all about misunderstandings and conflicting views like whta even urgh. How can she say such things to me like wth, i expected so much from her, or did she just downgrade herself so much now ever since where she is right now? How can she say such things about me, and you should it better than anyone what kind of a person am i wtf?? How can she say that i call myself the poster girl & and how can she that i call myself popular omg how could you how could you??? Who the hell goes around telling people that 'eh i am popular in school' wth who in the right mind does that, and no way will i ever call myself popular like are you kidding me, and i never acknowledge the point that i am popular until people start recognizing me in school that is freaking all!! Oh and about the poster girl, for goodness sake, i was on the school banner btw friends. Like they printed my face twice, and poster girl was what the teachers are calling me okay wth. Teachers saw me on the banner and when they talked about me to other people, they called me the poster girl, and hence i was referred as the poster girl, and how could you!!!!! do you know how rude are you when you said that to me !!! And you asked me to snap out of it wth!!! I didn't even enter the stupid arrogance pool to start with wth!!! Like i am a super simple girl and definitely someone you won't ever notice in school, so when everything was suddenly upon me, of course i will be taken aback and be like, omg at each and everything & when all these happened, of course i wanna share with all my close friends all my excitement but now, i am being view this way wth urgh
But weiran said it's all coming together with a tinge of arrogance now so i am going to work on that part now, i am going to tone down a bit and stop being so excited and fascinated over everything or else people are going to misunderstand my original intentions again. weiran said that people won't understand me so they were judged me but only my close friends know what kind of a person am i so yes, i am going to work on that. but i am really angry over what kind of thoughts that my close friends are harbouring over me, this is seriously super hurting urgh!!!!!
And yes, because of all these super shit i have and i am receive, i am starting to hold back everything now sigh. This is super saddening on my part because i was always excited to update people about my life but now i can't do it anymore urgh.......
Like i can't tell them anymore because sometimes their comments are rather harsh and hurtful and super brainless, especially rosemund tan wtf. Like you don't even realise what you're saying at times rude af i cannot. (and soemtimes i am quite rude and harsh, so i am still trying to stop being so mean)
& weiran though sigh ): like i hurt her feelings recently so i think for a period of time, i won't say anything much bah. And also towards jacq, she is too chilled but she is someone that i know i can always depend on for a listening ear :) and also ming, i keep them around knowing that they will never ever judge me :')
and zhonghng is just sometimes a catcus, sometimes a middle finger, nothing else more than that.
and for now, it will be chuken now. I am so so sad that i am left with one last option omg like this is so sad wth.
so many things happened in just one day, and nalaaaaaaan actually had the hopes of moving up but i guess i am bringing him down now, becasue i rather lose a possibility of having a relationship than losing another friend. And i genuinely hate it when a relationship turn sour, it is just so so bad.
And the idk why, i feel that i am starting to lose some of my friends too and i hate that fact too, or maybe we are seeing each other lesser and lesser ): idk though, i don't wanna lose some people, like i am really afraid of losing them wth omg.
& i better get my line up again wth i haven't been talking to ming ever since i changed phone omg. I need to keep our convo continuing omg this is way too serious of an issue alre i cannot.
^ too many human drama alre, way too many...
13-15jan: school & lessons officially commence and everything was just back to how it should be, attending lessons, not eating during breaks, still rushing holiday homework (what a loser), and settling more council and orientation and family work here and there.
Orientation was just in two weeks and i didn't even realise it until jeevan texted me about the logs required and i was like omg what even. Then, i also needed to get my family together for the dance because we changed one part for the girls and we really needed to work on our coordination. I was handling them and the meeting days, debating the changing of songs & also thinking of the bandanas omg. This is way too narcissistic, but lmao, i got all three settled before the week concluded hahaha
The girls learned our new part, and we practiced a few rounds together from the start to the end, and yes i bought the bandanas too omg!!!!
And we had another practice session on thurs after school & it was just another amazing bonding session with the family so i am so thankful that everyone accepted 3 parties didn't turn up so i almost had a full attendance family teehee. Time spent with brinjals is always the best time to look upon and look back :') super thankful for the bunch because they gave me the courage and determination to pull through everything and telling myself that, yes it is all worth it; very very worth it :)
I was so happy omg but though it was just first week, 3 days of lessons but i felt so overwhelmed by everything and i was alre totally worn out and shagged over the things i have to settle and complete.
urgh, and orientation is in two weeks & the academics are seriously getting more and more demanding omg.....
I need to get myself up and real quick and prepare for whatever that is further coming my way omg...
The weekends are finally here and i was looking forward to the weekends so so much, like i needed the break so much. And i was so tired that i slept my entire morning away & three more hours on the car ride back to malaysia....
There are work due on mon and of course i haven't start on any as usual???
Genuinely hoping that things will start to bright up a little for me and just give me that energy and strength i need to pull through. Desperately needing some moral support and maybe just a bit of slowing down of time right now.
(& also, pushing nalaaaaaaan out of my head is one of my priorities now)
This week has been way too long and way too painful for me. Praying that things will be slightly better and tbvh, i can't wait for orientation really. I can't wait to relieve all that happiness and excitement that i have during ogl camp
:)
WAtCH OUt PEoPLE ; SOMetHiNG BiG iS CoMiNG YoUR WaY
'the feeling of thrilling & excitement, i live for them'
//
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