I cannot, and I am so scared about it, sigh...

Okay, sorry for disappearing again for so long, i lost  my phone again so basically i cannot blog anymore on my phone and just update my blog via the phone. It was so much more efficient and i could write so much more because of all the fresh memories on my mind sigh. Anyway, before i actually dive into my happenings for two week, i have a small and little confession + worry + concern that is weighing me down quite down badly these few days sigh. I am so so worried about this because it is going to soon-to-be my worry for 2016 sigh, omg why of all people it is him omg....

He is so sweet, caring, nice and mostly unexpected and seriously, and i am not going to deny the fact that my overthinking is acting so so freaking much that i am so vexed about it as well sigh. It is so unhealthy and so wrong and defintely something that i am not supposed to feel or venture towards. But one thing for sure, this is just a one-sided thing and for the very first time, i am thankful that it is a one-sided thing omg. Okay, why am i so preoccupied with it because the feeling never come for some time already and every other person, i can safely say and cross my heart and even swear, that my status will remained unchanged to the end. But for him, i am starting to shake and quaver so much.....Like for the start, i was very certain that nothing will change and of course, knowing the expectations so well at home, i know what is okay and what is not. But, i really don't know right now...I am so confused about this right now. And the fact that i am taking notice of him so much more right now doesn't help for any either sigh...Like, okay when i get closer to someone, i do take note of that person more and more, but omg this is a different kind of taking notice, it is like going towards the eyecandy/affection side, which is of course wrong luh wth. But, i am okay when he is hanging out with his other closer girl friends, like they are your friends i can't really be bothered about it but omg, the feeling is wrong la wth. And the fact that i remembers things about him bother me even more like wth, that is him, that is his shit stop trying to think so much about it but sigh, apparently it ain't helping la duh sigh...

Anyway, i am moving on to instances in life right now. So apparently, he wanted to remind me to do my sgc and submit to the teachers but he did in via skype and yeah, we ended up talking a bit on skype as well. It legit became another space of whatsapp because it will be one party talking and then the other party will reply later afterwards. Oh, and yeah i looked off on last thurs and he noticed it and so he wanted to ask me about it, so yeah we talked about that issue via skype and sigh, he send this small chunk of real encouraging and comforting words, and of course i am touched no doubt. And it was just a random rant of, what pissed me even more was i didn't had my phone so i can't take photo or screenshot it because i legit wanna frame it up, and guess what, when he saw me again on monday, he freaking printed that section, coupled with drawings omg. It was this dog picture with my new favourite quote on my pencil case,
'every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day' 
Yeah, our favourite quote altogether right now hahah
I was so shocked because of course, i wasn't expecting that and then that random statement of mine became something that he saw and took note. It was so sweet please wth omg. Oh, and honestly i hate to admit that this entire week, every now and then, whenever i take a look at that, it oddly comforts me somehow and i just feel genuinely much better afterwards. lmao we probably got even closer now that my phone is gone please wth. Oh, and yeah looking at it before physical geo was real great and yeah, i gave a kiss to that little piece of shit hahaha loser jieai in action oh well.

Oh, and don't ask what happened, we started coordinating what we wear to school lmao. Initially, i didn't expect anything at all and it was just another random stupid thing that we created out of nowhere, so he actually started asking me what i want him to wear to school omg lmao, it was for the fun at the start but then eventually, we started legit seriously seeing what each other wear omg. And actually last thurs, he wore polo to school. Tbh, i am shocked omg. Like i certainly did not expect it from him. And i was actually trying to see what he would wear on thurs, and yeah he wore polo again. The thing is, he loved uniform so much recently and that he doesn't like polo on him so wow, when he wore polo to school omg...Okay, i am overthinking af right now seriously....

And cries, i probably didn't mention it but yeah, on the day when we cleaned the council room, when everything is over, he passed me an envelope, with four cards and a rather long letter omg..It was a letter written from the start of council camp 2015 to currently right now. Honestly, this friendship with him is something i certainly did not expect myself to get it, because i never could have imagine myself getting close to him anyway hahaha
Because he probably saw how disappointed and sad my lightstick didn't work during council camp, so he bought more and yeah, i thought i was going to cry while reading the card but it was really sweet and fml, i was more than touched because it was something that i genuinely didn't expect but sigh, it was honestly way too good to be true seriously.
I think i read the letter at least 10 times already and i am starting to remb the content already seriously sigh, it was just too cute la wth it is not even fair like that omg....
I love it so much, really i love it so much omg.

Actually, we started this entire thing because of council work and all. From then, we spent and just hang out so much together. So so much. chuken called this a boss and secretary relationship, i don't doubt that but i am afraid that the secretary is behaving real odd right now, and certainly it is unhealthy and we all watch dramas, read books and we all know that when a boss and secretary get together, it is plain odd and weird and basically, unbelievable oh well.
Honestly, times spent with him is fun, no doubt. I enjoy my times with him, no doubt. What is scaring me is my current mindset right now. Certainly not ready for it w t h.

I cannot stop finding him during breaks, notice him around school and legit wanna see him at lest once everyday in school, can be either in the morning or any other time. It is certainly unhealthy af. And yeah pe lesson today, i keep on finding his presence, stealing glances and all sigh...Wed and fri are probably the days that i am actually rather happy hahaha and oh ya our emails that we created whereby i named it whatsapp 2.0 lmao and yeah, the stuff that we talked about in the email is real simple and nothing much but sigh, it just brings a smile to me omg.
And actually, whenever i think of the things we did together, it will just brings a smile to me and i started giggling myself oh well.....

Talked to jessa because it was the very first thing that came to my mind and then she told me something so yeah, i just said it. Then, limxiequan was next and him being an asshole, keep on subtly mentioning about him oh well. And weiran was next, and she analyse the situation so yeah, she said that i am just like that because of the fond memories and all and it is just admiration/appreciation so yeah. And finally joel, and he said whatever right now is because i am just liking what he did and the stuff that he is doing is what i am expecting from my boyfriend so yeah, i am just liking his actions not him so yeah.

Certainly hoping everything is just temporary and that it will all end soon, please omg please
nights all

Thankful & Disgusted

Mon-Tues; honestly don't want to mention much already because it was just me real unhappy and that i just was so disturbed and all wow, and i think it was the day i found out i got a U for econs :)

And then i am now in econs mentoring programme and star oh well. 

I was so unhappy and seriously i just hated life so much urgh okay no more comments seriously, i am losing myself already

Wed; zootopia 

Omg it was a good movie seriously but then kind of predicted most of the scenes so the excitement was reduced but yeah, love the move really ️️ 

And first time this week I'm going home alone lmao, but actually this's what happened when I goes for council outing though...it will just somehow I will end up being the last person and all & idk like, it will be oddly quiet and then I don't really have a specific person to hang out with but I'm just everywhere oh well.....

Though it wasn't intentional, still felt bad that I screamed but sigh, it was all natural reflex and I really got a shocked...omg sorry friends, I didn't meant it  

Love the fox a lot really, like really love his character & his words & his attitude omg  love Nicholas so much omg what an adorable character omg ️️

And extra; Judy's eyes was purple 

HAHAHAHA

And actually, love the moral that they were addressing, no matter who you are we can all live harmoniously together  and never fear FEAR  and let's start everything with you, yourself ️️

And wow, I really love the movie so much omg.

Oh and the sloth is a highlight seriously  and the name was Flash just makes everything so much funnier seriously and how slow the sloth was going on wow  

The friendship, platonic friendship is so true and real between Judy and Nicholas wow love it so much omg fav scene was probably when he was holding onto her when she was injured and then they fooled the sheep mayor lmao HAHAHAHA

This movie was well-written in the sense that many details were taken into account & I love how they put so much efforts into all the graphics as well, despite some probably only appeared for about 1-2 seconds omg. Storyline is quite original too so 

And it was less awkward then before already seriously, hahah but still la I'm still rather quiet so yeah... Probably something that cant be changed anymore since we are all stepping down already oh well but hey, thanks for the good memory friends  zootopia was really worthy of the time & me risking my life as well hahah 

Okay thanks for the good times friends 

Thurs; honestly a great day, like though it was long and strenuous, but thankful that the day ended on a really nice note :')))

In the morning, completed half of napfa-2.4km, sit-up, pull-up 

& YES I AM SO DONE WITH RUNNING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE YES  

super happy omy, like despite not running for ten thousand years, I was still able to pass omy and the best part was, I didn't have any proper training prior to my running beforehand and I still made it before the passing mark for C, wow I'm so happy omg. And yeah, with all the will power I have I can do it and I really need to believe I can do it, and yes work freaking hard from now onwards seriously  

Then,  2.5hours of Lena & 2.5hours of Delphine, how great woohoo  but omg, I survived through all  wow, that's like so much of them in just a day, but tbh Lena lecture should be 1.5h though, because I feel that at least the day will get by faster oh well...but yeah, it was alright and I braved through them all omg  oh and star was actually not as bad as I thought (though it's freaking all the way until 6 save me please) it was for the very first time Delphine speak so slow in class, and literally after every single para, she gave us time to process the thoughts and then kept on asking if we understood and all. And it was for the first time, I could stone in econs class omy. But sadly, it wasn't something new so I felt a bit useless so I planned to go for time management class next week so yeah training my damn writing speed because it's freaking too slow and urgh, I just can't complete my essay on time omg  

Night study was just  it was Joel's mum in charge so she sponsored the food, and omg, the food is literally ONE WHOLE BIG BOMB????? 

And yeah, of course Joel got special food seriously like omg, one whole big plate of kimbap FREAK OMG  and I was just so excited seriously stuffing myself with all the food, with the company of go home gang 2.0 and it was for the first time that week full attendance omg  go home gang + good food = something that I could ever asked for seriously ️️ so thankful for Joel and his mum sigh  

And after completing rich homework with jeevan, it ended up a super impromptu session of heart-to-heart and then he told me some stuff and I told him about nic and me & the s06 guy (omg I still can't remb his name bless me seriously) it was for the very first time, we had a proper and true heart-to-heart and bonding session omg it was surprising and so thankful for it really  definitely got closer omg  

Though I ended up not doing any work the entire day after lessons because I went home and ate and slept, but it was a true fruitful day with all the events that happened so yeah ️️️  

Fri; was supposed to be done with running for the rest of my life and guess who was thrown into running for heats and I ended up had to run 4x200m wow  and I was wanted to run second but omg suddenly I was being thrown to running first?? How great friends, but omg everyone said that I was running super fast and all hahaha, I don't know man i was just running that's all but hey it was something nice so  

And then chinese lesson was alright, and freak I got a B for my essay and I was so shocked because I thought I was going to fail it wth I was so shocked omg, and I swear this was my face  and freak, laoshi wrote a jiayou at the end and honestly, I never felt so thankful before and I thought I was going to cry omg  

And then afterwards was some odd Chi essay writing competition and I died because I submitted the worst essay of my life omg gg and highlight of the day comes along friends 

Oh, and something light-hearted, when Brandon asked in the council group was there the plaque thing there, at that point of time it was only jeevan and I that replied and we replied at the same time omg ️ welfare pride guys ☄☄ so yes, only we know what's inside of that room seriously omg 

THE MAJOR CLEAN UP OF THE COUNCIL ROOM OMG 

We spent quite a hour plus, stacking the stuff, organising the items, cleaning up the disgusting things and all, putting away all the stuff and setting up the place right again. And, yes I painted our balls also  so pretty and cute omg ️️ can't wait to finish it up and then yes, I'm going to make sure that he's able to hang on his bag and omg welfare pride hahaha  

A bit of pity when I forgotten to take a photo of the before and after council room, and freak mama came already and then I had to rush off sigh  so unable to take a good and proper look before leaving omg wasted la wth but it's okay la will take a photo soon and hopefully, I can take a photo of my beloved council room before I officially stepped down and passed the room to the juniors omg....

Oh and omg, jeevan was so sweet omg ️️ he gave me a present and a card to thank me all the efforts that I have put into welfare and everything else. Tbh, I'm really doing it because I feel that we shouldn't be working as one individual and that it's only right for us to extend our help to those that need it and all. I'm really doing it because I feel that it should be that way yay. And yes, everything was purple so it makes me extra happy and the gift extra special omy  it was a super thoughtful gift omg I was genuinely surprised and really elated because I definitely wasn't expecting that and then it makes me felt that all the hardwork and all the efforts that I have put in are being appreciated and i am just so thankful about everything that happened, really :") 

I was giggling non-stop at ikea and defintely being judged so badly oh well but yes, fri was probably one of the best days i could ever asked for :)

screw lena, no fucking soul needs you in their life seriously omg.

Sat; honestly those few days were way too good to be true, especially fri. I was just so happy, and towards the week i was being showered with so much love and all and i knew that all damn bad happenings are coming to me. 

And of course, i am never wrong :-) ptm was full of shit and seriously, no one say that the feedback were useless and all and the fact that me and mama broke down together is just plain embarrassing and wtf seriously, and in front of all people lena omg save me please. I hate ptm for a reason, and i predicted my session to be half an hour and above, it was at least half an hour and fml, it became a 45min session and omg why do i knew everything that is coming seriously. And wow we ended because we have reached the timing, and seriously i cannot imagine if we didn't have a deadline wow urgh. And i hate ptm so much because i hate what happened during ptm and then it is so annoying because i don't like ptm like this what the freaking hell seriously omg. And oh ya, i got no more phone from now onwards and of course, i knew that was coming too oh well :) 

I hate it because we have just shown our weak side to lena and i am just like what the fuck seriously i am so fucking done with everything like this and i am not kidding about it omg. 

urgh i hate ptm but i hate lena here so much fuck la seriously omg

And no bitch, i won't even wanna talk to you so of course, i won't have a reason to be disrespectful to you :-)

The entire day was just plain shit and seriously lost count of the amount of times i am crying or tearing already. It is just way too much omg, i just so unhappy about their entire situation. i don't like it. i hate it. i am so disgusted by it wtf seriously omg

how the fuck am i going back on school on mon seriously, i am so disturbed at that fact omg

And then it was just so bad the entire day, everything ain't just right la wth urgh

omg, this needs to be stop and i don't need anymore of lena or delphine in my life, i am so done with them all already seriously so disturbing on so many levels omg seriously 

So much work and it is going to even more painful from right now onwards, especially i don't have my phone from now onwards. I can't update my blog as often as possible and urgh, i knew everything was too good to be true especially when i am able to access all social network in school wow seriously omg 

urgh, i cannot wait to brace through these six more months and i am going to be so done with everything, and seriously other than results day, i am not going to see lena anymore for the rest of my life 

'Go on with the end in my mind, and then i cannot wait for everything to be over omg. Watch me, i am going to brave through everything.'

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