HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALAN
✨✨✨✨✨
Texted him in the night & wished him happy birthday :) he was so excited and he was so happy that he said he is smiling like a kid hahah ☺️☺️
Met him after school for dinner & I passed him his present ๐๐
Was freaking nervous and worried again omg, and super conscious how I looked the whole time fml. Late as well how great :-)
Walked to One KM together and we ate dinner together. Friends, he was wearing white and black so cute omg like white top and black pants ✨✨✨
okay la, but kind of expected because he went for interview mah hahaha. I was looking like some lost kid outside the station because I was turning rounds omg. We walked there and we were taking so many rounds inside the mall because loser jieai couldn't find her directions what even
Passed him his present and he thought I gave him my jacket too, and I was like omg no!! But he said he don't mind the jacket, because it's my jacket and I'm just like, my dear Alan ๐๐
Oh ya, chuken called me halfway through and he asked me about the receipts and council work, and I was explaining everything to him omg freak and he was beside me the whole time omg. Hahaha, first question was, 'am I disturbing anything' so funny please ๐ but it's okay I know it was something important la don't worry :)
Dinner was okay because we ate and talked. It was really nice because idk why, convo with him is not very awkward and then I can actually feel something when I talked to him. And freak, the more we engage in a convo, I realised the greater the distance we have among us sigh this's real friends. He was in SAP, SAP PRESIDENT WHAT EVEN FRIENDS
From hatp, to sap to A level results to right now, going for scholarship interview, what a great path friends :-))))))))
Thought he was going to buy me dinner lmao, but thank god he didn't because quite scared he will do that. And then like afterwards we went for ice cream also omg. Ice cream was impromptu I swear. But omg, freak we went for ice cream and I was so happy omg ICE CREAM OMG ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ
We ate the same thing and omg, I realised he's actually quite blur and dense in terms of relationship stuff but then fml, anything comes to me, or anything about me, he's freaking sharp about it.
More finding out about each other & I asked him how was his interview. Idk why, I really love it when we talked about each other stuff to each other. Like I can somehow feel some connection and satisfaction from it. I always feel oddly fulfilling after being able to find out more about each other :)
lmao friends I was so done with him ๐๐ He took a candid photo of me again genius I swear, like he legit has the tendency to do that kind of thing. I was looking at my phone and then he just took a photo of me like that. And then, he was like, 'yes success!'. Initially I didn't get it, then I realised what he did, I laughed again and omg he was embarrassed again I swear. He showed me the photo but okay la, I looked somewhat alright so hahaha ☺️๐☺️๐
Exchanged shoe sizes because we are all random kids la hahaha
While going up the escalator, he took another candid shot and yeah, I completely have no idea what I was doing la wth. Doing what I'm doing at best----- zoning out and being blur af :)
After dinner, ICE CREAM ๐ he asked me to pick the suggestion because since he suggested for dinner already. I went for some simple place for ice cream and he paid for both ice cream too ☺️☺️
Freak, he cheesy af I cannot. I was snapchat-ing and I caption, 'ice cream will always be the love of my life' and I kind of didn't realise he was behind me I swear omg. I turned around, and I saw him right behind me AND FREAK WE WERE SO CLOSE (I didn't realise until now what even)
I was like, 'what were you doing' and then he said, 'I thought the caption was ice cream with the love of my life' and I was like, OMG ALAN HAHAHAHA
And then later, we were talking about our living estate and right, he lived in a freaking big house omg. 3 bedrooms BUT with staircase, what genius omg ๐ค๐ค and he keep on asking me, if I wanna go to his house once and I'm just like, my dear you a bit fast A BIT ONLY ๐๐
And also, talked about ns also, and he kept on saying about wanting to look more buff, to look better in clothes and tee (I maybe wrong, but he has some unexplained intentions when he tell me all that) and also to look intimated. And yeah, poor him unable to come home for two weeks :( and then connection sucks there. Ippt got a silver ๐ค
And yeah, at least he is able to bring his phone along so yeah, I was really going to say that, he can still have some connections with the world but he just said, 'yeah I can text/reply you' and I'm just like ๐ค๐
HAHAHAAHAH
And I love how we can always talk about Lena ๐ and geography, and he's really actually very ambitious and competitive omg. But I think it's the good kind bah. Like you're striving to do well and then there's a me :-) and he will be upset over 2 marks that he didn't get to push him from a 68 to a 70, and of course there's a me :-)
And he's actually even more upset because he does so well in chem and always getting an A, and he even took up tuition to learn more so that he will have a competition edge over the others and of course, there's always a me :-))))
But I understand that he takes pride in whatever he does and he takes the responsibility as well. He doesn't go the shortcut but I guess when all damn efforts are put in, but the results don't reflect the proportionate hardwork, it just sucks altogether so yeah :-(
Okay, one thing is both during dinner, ice cream or even walking, it can be suddenly quiet and then both parties will end up not talking and we will look around, use phone and stare up/down/blank space. Or, he will just randomly looked at me and give me a super unexplained smile ๐๐
And then, I just feel that I have to kind of somewhat continuously initiated the convo though....and then he a bit ๆจ็บณ la omg.....Wah, I gg alre seriously....
On the way back, OMG FRIENDS
He asked me if I ever have a Boyfriend and I asked what do he think then. He felt that I dated before. And he admitted he dated before (wtf I had a slight disappointment?? and I was shocked too!!!) and he was so surprised when I said I never dated before and i gave him the feel that I dated before what even. (He better be damn honoured please, he MIGHT be able to be my first boyfriend)
And yeah, I'm good-looking and then, it's surprising I never date before. But, there're guys that confessed to me but yeah, of course I rejected them la wth. He complimented I'm good, and I did a good job
FREAK HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
๐๐๐
He insisted of sending me home how great :-) and yeah, we legit went home together omg. Like we took the bus together and then we alighted together as well. Oh, and we took selfie on the bus hahah, so bad like wth I look so bad I cannot. Totally forbidden to post that shit I swear omg. He walked me home also, and then we finally parted ways just one road away from my block :)
Idk why, I have no idea why I did that too, I just hugged him though ......like, prior to that I kind of wanna do something to him but I wasn't sure, but I genuinely have no idea why, I just stretched out my hand and gave him a hug, just like that. After I hugged him, I took my jacket and ran back home hahah ☺️☺️
Idk why, the 2 hours we spent together was rather and oddly alright and idk why, it definitely don't feel like a date I swear. It feels like another meet up omg. And hey, it was fun okay. I ended up being hyper and super smiley also the whole time :)))
But oh well, it was a rather a good time spent.
And yeah, I ended the day well with him ☺️☺️
So many more things are going to happen between us right now, but like what I said before, there's no turning back. It's all about, taking one step at a time, enjoy each other's company and eventually find out, if he/she is suitable for each other :)
Happy 19th, Alan! ๐
'Time flies when you're having fun'
//
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Monday, March 28, 2016
GG SA
Mon; day 1 of death-econs paper.
it was generally okay, but honestly I'm not trusting myself anymore because it's always the wrong idea and misconceptions that I have and I'm just so done alre wth....
And dumb jieai is legendarily dumb wth. Expenditure-reducing policies is like fiscal and monetary policies, those that I have been diligently memorising all these while & and then I thought it was exchange rate policy and fucking hell panicking the whole time and was trying to recall stuff that I don't know when actually the right policies were in my head the whole time and i wasted time trying to recall something else wth I'm so done with myself I'm not kidding ๐๐๐
But other than, finished writing inflation and really hope that inflation will be able to help me up because it was for the very first time in history I actually finished writing one essay omg sigh :((
And then case study, someone kill the hell out of me right now :-) had panic attack at the start of the paper so didn't understand or comprehend the extracts and tables and all. And then finally calm myself down and probably wrote shit oh well urgh (what's new right actually)
And then the entire time, brain being a bitch and was not focusing but I had ten thousand thoughts run fin around at the same time. I was trying to recall econs shit vs distractions like songs playing (frozen what even) & a nalan oh dear god. Omg I need to stop talking to him this week or else I'm going to be gg for all the remaining papers fml.
So it was a battle between econs recalling vs non-existent shit in life sigh fml....
Maths and geo tmr, double the trouble. Physical geo is pathetic af not even kidding urgh. Need to revise human geo & maths also....
And let me be able to sleep tonight please.....had so much trouble trying to sleep last night urgh urgh
Okay, going to nap & back to studying....
bye for now friends :-(
๐๐: & actually I found out that nalan is very distracting omg...like I can't focus and then I will keep on thinking about him and also the stuff we did together omg, like I can't even focus during exams wth...no wonder I can't date or have someone I like in education years, it will legit screw me up so much. Like shows and drama are tempting af but I kind of learn to not let it affect me so much, but this kind of distractions never experienced before so it's extra distracting oh god. Mama and papa of course don't know luh. Can't even imagine what will happened if they know tbh oh well....
And yeah, he received an email saying that his scholarship interview is next week, on his birthday. And successful, he will be flying to overseas. Don't really know how to feel because I feel oddly weird & then like its a weird kind of feeling. Oh well, lmao. Retarded much. But still, hoping that he will do well & then he will be eventually flying to overseas to finish his studies :)
And yeah, I'm going to be good :)
& yeah, talked to steph also omg. Wow, I'm really surprised that steph is good in this area omy, like her advices and words are super powerful and she speak all the real shit. Like I really felt so much better & all my worries and concern are somehow or another cleared omg, it's really amazing. And then I told her abt this relationship being unstable af, considering the fact that we build it out of nothing but then she just said that relationship is a trial and error process omg. And that she really said so many mature stuff that I don't feel that pessimistic or actually doubtful about everything omg. Idk man, I really don't know. I kind of wanna take a try (steph encourage me to do so) but then chuken and weiran warned me so much that I'm being really skeptical about it (based on my emotional & withdrawal side + the inability to settle this kind of shit on my own).
Honestly, I can really say that this relationship is quite bleak and there's so so, just so many uncertainty lying in front of us & the amount of challenges we have to brace through and work on is even more crazy...if we really want to be together, a lot of hardwork is required. I don't know if it's possible or is it even practical or realistic...
This's so hard omg like so hard...& I can't pull back right now, because I already gave him hints & hopes. There's no turning back right now. All I can do right now is to twitch my attitude and mindset. And hope that all my (or rather our) efforts are going to work out and that, I'm not on the wrong track. Because the more I step in, the more I'm unable to get out & the harder it will be for me to get up eventually. So, slowly, taking really really baby steps, & honestly jieai, YOU NEED TO STOP SPECULATING THINGS OMG !!!!!!!!!!
Tues; died dead dieded whatever you can think of seriously. brain fried and drained not kidding omg ;-( but so thankful because today finally ended. Honestly, geo was surprisingly okay .....(though I lost 12 marks alre??) HAHAHAHAHA
Like somehow though some stuff I didn't study, manage to wrote some stupid shit?? Really praying that human will do okay so that can literally offset my score for physical. physical was i don't even know how to say it lmao I swear. Wrote some shit for human & physical is so screwed lmao. Sigh, I don't really know how to explain the current mindset I have of geo because it's oddly alright but then it somehow shouldn't be the right feeling considering the fact that I faked it up so much??? Hahaha, anyway going home to bed & running man yes that's the way to go!!!!!
Wah, I thought I will die for maths what the freaking hack omg. It's so stupid and I just felt so drained from maths not kidding. What happened to increasing the level of difficulty a bit? My brain cells died so much & I thought this time legit aiming to pass only wth???? It's quite disappointing for maths but sigh and then probably the very first time I left blanks for maths and then I just felt so sian about maths sigh pie ):
So freaking tired today I swear omg, I need my sleep please friends.
๐๐: somehow, we just became each other motivation & distraction ๐๐
So freaking distracted by him but oh well hahahah. He's my motivation because he legit did so well and I'm just like ๐๐๐ and then I really wanna kind of close up our gap & don't feel too much of a difference between us (no way is he going to know abt it)
And I honestly don't know what's good in me and then I become his motivation for his interview (since we are meeting up next week) & ns ๐
So yeah, we are very distracted by each other because he said he can't stop thinking about me & he never think of someone so much before (oh well) & since I'm the same as well fml (nope, he won't know abt it too, but kind of alre fml???)
So yeah, idk what's lying before us & maybe things might not eventually work out, but I kind of don't wanna let this chance slip as well, so I think lets just take a step at a time at how it goes :)
At least for now, I'm happy and I really can't stop giggling a lot from time to time sigh ☺️☺️
Wed; stay-home day. And technically should be my most productive day (but of course as usual, it didn't happened??) HAHAHAHA
So I went to library to study but omg, I really think I'm not suitable for the library wth, I can't study for nuts there omg. And I only read like 2 proses out of 15 oh dear god omg... And then when I came home, I was freaking restless & not much studying was done as well omg.... But thankfully, at least I read like 10 out of 15???? But lmao, I wrote those that I studied way before, during the holidays what even.
And I slept at 3 yay, and woke up the next day at 11 ๐๐
๐๐: he asked me if I ever been to uss & he thought that I don't wanna go anymore since I went but the thing is, I really wanted to uss again once more but then it's like the plans keep on cannot happened omg.... So yeah, now that he said it, we agreed to go uss together once :)
But holy frick, and I just told Hidayah that, my dream is to go uss with my boyfriend & if we really go there already, it means we legit different level already & look what happened :-) HAHAHAHAH
Thurs; CELEBRATE THE END OF SA FRIENDS OMG YES YES YES ๐๐๐
chi paper in the afternoon and I woke up at 11, but woke up multiple times and there were all in shock so I'm just like hahahaha :-) it's just so bad la wth.
But omg thankfully, chi was not as bad as I thought??? Like surprisingly wth. I thought I won't be left with much options considering the stuff I studied but omg, and I wrote two ่ถ้ฆ questions lmao, kind of part of the plan, and kind of not. Like my initial pick wasn't ่ถ้ฆ, and when I first saw the questions, I internally just died please omg...like this time, chi also gg alre please...but as I continued, I could actually think of damn answers and then I could write some stuff omg so surprising???
But idk why, this SA, all my gut feelings are oddly alright & tbh, this probably means that everything is going to be bad sigh pie ):
I just pray I legit can pass all my subjects omg please please !!!!!!!!
& I went home with Joel, ate dinner as well. It was a good conclusion to the end of SA and the end of this week as well :) told him about nalan perspective of him too & had a good laugh the evening :)
๐๐: he texted me at 2plus but he didn't know my paper was in the afternoon. Replied him after chi & then he asked me random stuff, and yeah when I told him I'm with my friends. He started becoming the second mum and went, ๅ ไธชไบบ，็ท็ๅฅณ็ and etc. And instantly, I just felt so uncomfortable omg...it's like, please don't becoming my mum & please don't start those kind of things omg...and the best part is, we are still at this stage, just don't start yet please. Like he said he was kidding but I don't feel it that way?? He legit wanted me to answer those questions??? And it was probably the very first time, I didn't wanted to text him the entire day & I just didn't wanna say much also omg...
So yeah, and I left him halfway through the convo and only continued when I reached home omg... It was nothing much la because it was random talking & then I told him just be himself during interview, and then he said he's going to imagine me as one of the panelist because it's going to help him hahah. And he kept on continuing that he can't stop thinking of me lmao (he probably don't know that this's happening to me too oh well) and then it's hard to not think of me (send help guys hahaha) & finally in the night, so hard to send him off to bed I swear ๐๐ but idk, he was being extra cheesy tonight wow hahah, and I like the fact that those things are growing on me and it's like I don't cringe anymore and I learn to say something too hahaha. But yeah, oh well :)
And I talked to Joel abt Alan also today omg so happy about this teehee.
Currently so far, the most deep talk I ever had abt Alan are with chuken, weiran, steph & now probably joel too :)
Alan probably hates Joel alre but oh well, just like how it applies to mum and chuken, I'm not going to give up this friendship with joel, so I guess you need to overcome it oh well. And seriously, stop being jealous over something that's non-existent luh!!! ๐๐ HAHAHAHAHAAH
Fri; GOOD FRIDAY ๐๐
Thankful for this break but it was stay-home day & was supposed to have so much fun but ended up finish copying one essay?? oh well...
& went Cycling too, 3 freaking hours, and even met school people...what even..& they saw me as well, and even shouted, 'omg its jieai, jieai eh' and I just internally wanted to do die so much like freak!!! Why am I seeing people I know when I'm super lapsup genius freak !!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and he didn't text, and I just felt so glad omg.
Sat; boring day again but actually, I watched my dots & I am freaking at ep5 right now??? omg gg legit cannot let mama know man, but freak la bc I kind of watched some of the scenes online alre, so I expected a lot and then I kind of don't feel the excitement when I saw those scenes stupid me I swear ๐ข๐ข
๐๐: random thoughts; after him asking for my whereabouts on thurs, honestly he said its joking, freaking hell we all know that he legit wanna know my whereabouts. And urgh, I don't like it??? Like I already have very controlling parents, and grew up in a controlled environment, I don't need another controlling boyfriend (or he might not be) ??? Like STOP IT OMG
It's so annoying & why do I have to report you my schedule and whatnot omg. And the best part is we ain't even that stage yet and you're starting your tracking system with me, are you serious omg ๐
Like I can cross my heart and swear that I won't be a controlling girlfriend, calling you every single hour & checkup up on you. No wth, I will NEVER EVER do that. Like, if you are going out with your friends, you tell me, and I will just say, 'okay & have fun' and please, I won't even bother texting you omg because I know you will wanna have fun with your friends as well. I legit don't care who are your friends omg, like they're your friends, your company, I don't have a say in it.
And actually, because I'm so disturbed by it, I didn't feel anything abt his cheesy text that night & i am kind of thankful he didn't text these two days as well. Not even kidding friends. Like omg, I don't have to think about you these two days.
Omg, stop doing this kind of things okay, don't make me unhappy like that.
This ain't going to help the relationship and this is freaking unhealthy as well.
You will be tired, so am I. You will be annoyed, so am I. I really don't want this to happen okay.
It's not fair for me, neither for you.
Sun; mama birthday ☺️☺️
Bought a cake & flower for her, and during celebration she teared as well :)
It was a simple one but I think she likes it and I'm glad we ended the day like this :)
'I pulled through. Thanks for all the non-stop support and faith in me'
:')
//
it was generally okay, but honestly I'm not trusting myself anymore because it's always the wrong idea and misconceptions that I have and I'm just so done alre wth....
And dumb jieai is legendarily dumb wth. Expenditure-reducing policies is like fiscal and monetary policies, those that I have been diligently memorising all these while & and then I thought it was exchange rate policy and fucking hell panicking the whole time and was trying to recall stuff that I don't know when actually the right policies were in my head the whole time and i wasted time trying to recall something else wth I'm so done with myself I'm not kidding ๐๐๐
But other than, finished writing inflation and really hope that inflation will be able to help me up because it was for the very first time in history I actually finished writing one essay omg sigh :((
And then case study, someone kill the hell out of me right now :-) had panic attack at the start of the paper so didn't understand or comprehend the extracts and tables and all. And then finally calm myself down and probably wrote shit oh well urgh (what's new right actually)
And then the entire time, brain being a bitch and was not focusing but I had ten thousand thoughts run fin around at the same time. I was trying to recall econs shit vs distractions like songs playing (frozen what even) & a nalan oh dear god. Omg I need to stop talking to him this week or else I'm going to be gg for all the remaining papers fml.
So it was a battle between econs recalling vs non-existent shit in life sigh fml....
Maths and geo tmr, double the trouble. Physical geo is pathetic af not even kidding urgh. Need to revise human geo & maths also....
And let me be able to sleep tonight please.....had so much trouble trying to sleep last night urgh urgh
Okay, going to nap & back to studying....
bye for now friends :-(
๐๐: & actually I found out that nalan is very distracting omg...like I can't focus and then I will keep on thinking about him and also the stuff we did together omg, like I can't even focus during exams wth...no wonder I can't date or have someone I like in education years, it will legit screw me up so much. Like shows and drama are tempting af but I kind of learn to not let it affect me so much, but this kind of distractions never experienced before so it's extra distracting oh god. Mama and papa of course don't know luh. Can't even imagine what will happened if they know tbh oh well....
And yeah, he received an email saying that his scholarship interview is next week, on his birthday. And successful, he will be flying to overseas. Don't really know how to feel because I feel oddly weird & then like its a weird kind of feeling. Oh well, lmao. Retarded much. But still, hoping that he will do well & then he will be eventually flying to overseas to finish his studies :)
And yeah, I'm going to be good :)
& yeah, talked to steph also omg. Wow, I'm really surprised that steph is good in this area omy, like her advices and words are super powerful and she speak all the real shit. Like I really felt so much better & all my worries and concern are somehow or another cleared omg, it's really amazing. And then I told her abt this relationship being unstable af, considering the fact that we build it out of nothing but then she just said that relationship is a trial and error process omg. And that she really said so many mature stuff that I don't feel that pessimistic or actually doubtful about everything omg. Idk man, I really don't know. I kind of wanna take a try (steph encourage me to do so) but then chuken and weiran warned me so much that I'm being really skeptical about it (based on my emotional & withdrawal side + the inability to settle this kind of shit on my own).
Honestly, I can really say that this relationship is quite bleak and there's so so, just so many uncertainty lying in front of us & the amount of challenges we have to brace through and work on is even more crazy...if we really want to be together, a lot of hardwork is required. I don't know if it's possible or is it even practical or realistic...
This's so hard omg like so hard...& I can't pull back right now, because I already gave him hints & hopes. There's no turning back right now. All I can do right now is to twitch my attitude and mindset. And hope that all my (or rather our) efforts are going to work out and that, I'm not on the wrong track. Because the more I step in, the more I'm unable to get out & the harder it will be for me to get up eventually. So, slowly, taking really really baby steps, & honestly jieai, YOU NEED TO STOP SPECULATING THINGS OMG !!!!!!!!!!
Tues; died dead dieded whatever you can think of seriously. brain fried and drained not kidding omg ;-( but so thankful because today finally ended. Honestly, geo was surprisingly okay .....(though I lost 12 marks alre??) HAHAHAHAHA
Like somehow though some stuff I didn't study, manage to wrote some stupid shit?? Really praying that human will do okay so that can literally offset my score for physical. physical was i don't even know how to say it lmao I swear. Wrote some shit for human & physical is so screwed lmao. Sigh, I don't really know how to explain the current mindset I have of geo because it's oddly alright but then it somehow shouldn't be the right feeling considering the fact that I faked it up so much??? Hahaha, anyway going home to bed & running man yes that's the way to go!!!!!
Wah, I thought I will die for maths what the freaking hack omg. It's so stupid and I just felt so drained from maths not kidding. What happened to increasing the level of difficulty a bit? My brain cells died so much & I thought this time legit aiming to pass only wth???? It's quite disappointing for maths but sigh and then probably the very first time I left blanks for maths and then I just felt so sian about maths sigh pie ):
So freaking tired today I swear omg, I need my sleep please friends.
๐๐: somehow, we just became each other motivation & distraction ๐๐
So freaking distracted by him but oh well hahahah. He's my motivation because he legit did so well and I'm just like ๐๐๐ and then I really wanna kind of close up our gap & don't feel too much of a difference between us (no way is he going to know abt it)
And I honestly don't know what's good in me and then I become his motivation for his interview (since we are meeting up next week) & ns ๐
So yeah, we are very distracted by each other because he said he can't stop thinking about me & he never think of someone so much before (oh well) & since I'm the same as well fml (nope, he won't know abt it too, but kind of alre fml???)
So yeah, idk what's lying before us & maybe things might not eventually work out, but I kind of don't wanna let this chance slip as well, so I think lets just take a step at a time at how it goes :)
At least for now, I'm happy and I really can't stop giggling a lot from time to time sigh ☺️☺️
Wed; stay-home day. And technically should be my most productive day (but of course as usual, it didn't happened??) HAHAHAHA
So I went to library to study but omg, I really think I'm not suitable for the library wth, I can't study for nuts there omg. And I only read like 2 proses out of 15 oh dear god omg... And then when I came home, I was freaking restless & not much studying was done as well omg.... But thankfully, at least I read like 10 out of 15???? But lmao, I wrote those that I studied way before, during the holidays what even.
And I slept at 3 yay, and woke up the next day at 11 ๐๐
๐๐: he asked me if I ever been to uss & he thought that I don't wanna go anymore since I went but the thing is, I really wanted to uss again once more but then it's like the plans keep on cannot happened omg.... So yeah, now that he said it, we agreed to go uss together once :)
But holy frick, and I just told Hidayah that, my dream is to go uss with my boyfriend & if we really go there already, it means we legit different level already & look what happened :-) HAHAHAHAH
Thurs; CELEBRATE THE END OF SA FRIENDS OMG YES YES YES ๐๐๐
chi paper in the afternoon and I woke up at 11, but woke up multiple times and there were all in shock so I'm just like hahahaha :-) it's just so bad la wth.
But omg thankfully, chi was not as bad as I thought??? Like surprisingly wth. I thought I won't be left with much options considering the stuff I studied but omg, and I wrote two ่ถ้ฆ questions lmao, kind of part of the plan, and kind of not. Like my initial pick wasn't ่ถ้ฆ, and when I first saw the questions, I internally just died please omg...like this time, chi also gg alre please...but as I continued, I could actually think of damn answers and then I could write some stuff omg so surprising???
But idk why, this SA, all my gut feelings are oddly alright & tbh, this probably means that everything is going to be bad sigh pie ):
I just pray I legit can pass all my subjects omg please please !!!!!!!!
& I went home with Joel, ate dinner as well. It was a good conclusion to the end of SA and the end of this week as well :) told him about nalan perspective of him too & had a good laugh the evening :)
๐๐: he texted me at 2plus but he didn't know my paper was in the afternoon. Replied him after chi & then he asked me random stuff, and yeah when I told him I'm with my friends. He started becoming the second mum and went, ๅ ไธชไบบ，็ท็ๅฅณ็ and etc. And instantly, I just felt so uncomfortable omg...it's like, please don't becoming my mum & please don't start those kind of things omg...and the best part is, we are still at this stage, just don't start yet please. Like he said he was kidding but I don't feel it that way?? He legit wanted me to answer those questions??? And it was probably the very first time, I didn't wanted to text him the entire day & I just didn't wanna say much also omg...
So yeah, and I left him halfway through the convo and only continued when I reached home omg... It was nothing much la because it was random talking & then I told him just be himself during interview, and then he said he's going to imagine me as one of the panelist because it's going to help him hahah. And he kept on continuing that he can't stop thinking of me lmao (he probably don't know that this's happening to me too oh well) and then it's hard to not think of me (send help guys hahaha) & finally in the night, so hard to send him off to bed I swear ๐๐ but idk, he was being extra cheesy tonight wow hahah, and I like the fact that those things are growing on me and it's like I don't cringe anymore and I learn to say something too hahaha. But yeah, oh well :)
And I talked to Joel abt Alan also today omg so happy about this teehee.
Currently so far, the most deep talk I ever had abt Alan are with chuken, weiran, steph & now probably joel too :)
Alan probably hates Joel alre but oh well, just like how it applies to mum and chuken, I'm not going to give up this friendship with joel, so I guess you need to overcome it oh well. And seriously, stop being jealous over something that's non-existent luh!!! ๐๐ HAHAHAHAHAAH
Fri; GOOD FRIDAY ๐๐
Thankful for this break but it was stay-home day & was supposed to have so much fun but ended up finish copying one essay?? oh well...
& went Cycling too, 3 freaking hours, and even met school people...what even..& they saw me as well, and even shouted, 'omg its jieai, jieai eh' and I just internally wanted to do die so much like freak!!! Why am I seeing people I know when I'm super lapsup genius freak !!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and he didn't text, and I just felt so glad omg.
Sat; boring day again but actually, I watched my dots & I am freaking at ep5 right now??? omg gg legit cannot let mama know man, but freak la bc I kind of watched some of the scenes online alre, so I expected a lot and then I kind of don't feel the excitement when I saw those scenes stupid me I swear ๐ข๐ข
๐๐: random thoughts; after him asking for my whereabouts on thurs, honestly he said its joking, freaking hell we all know that he legit wanna know my whereabouts. And urgh, I don't like it??? Like I already have very controlling parents, and grew up in a controlled environment, I don't need another controlling boyfriend (or he might not be) ??? Like STOP IT OMG
It's so annoying & why do I have to report you my schedule and whatnot omg. And the best part is we ain't even that stage yet and you're starting your tracking system with me, are you serious omg ๐
Like I can cross my heart and swear that I won't be a controlling girlfriend, calling you every single hour & checkup up on you. No wth, I will NEVER EVER do that. Like, if you are going out with your friends, you tell me, and I will just say, 'okay & have fun' and please, I won't even bother texting you omg because I know you will wanna have fun with your friends as well. I legit don't care who are your friends omg, like they're your friends, your company, I don't have a say in it.
And actually, because I'm so disturbed by it, I didn't feel anything abt his cheesy text that night & i am kind of thankful he didn't text these two days as well. Not even kidding friends. Like omg, I don't have to think about you these two days.
Omg, stop doing this kind of things okay, don't make me unhappy like that.
This ain't going to help the relationship and this is freaking unhealthy as well.
You will be tired, so am I. You will be annoyed, so am I. I really don't want this to happen okay.
It's not fair for me, neither for you.
Sun; mama birthday ☺️☺️
Bought a cake & flower for her, and during celebration she teared as well :)
It was a simple one but I think she likes it and I'm glad we ended the day like this :)
'I pulled through. Thanks for all the non-stop support and faith in me'
:')
//
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Pathetic Me; Pathetic March Hols
Sun; concert night. The day was rather productive and unproductive. Productive in terms of spiritual growing & unproductive in terms of academics growing lmao. Spent another afternoon Skype with chuken & yeap, did slightly more for econs also. At night concert was also alright. Initially, it's quite bleh and the humour is there but not much, but as the programme continues on, it gets better and yes, the last segment is the best omg. Indeed, the experienced ones are still the best. It was so hilarious and entertaining. I laughed so hard at the end and finally enjoyed the performance afterwards. Supper was next & we had dim sum and me had my fav ๅ็งๅ
omg freaking love it so much ๐๐
And yes, I went to watch ็ธๅฃฐ，ไปฅ็ฌๅฃฐ็บชๅฟต้ฉฌๅญฃ，็ธๅฃฐไนๅค
Sidetrack: Oh ya, and on sat me and chuken had some an intense heart to heart & we shared so many many more stuff abt each other, and it was so intense to the point that we became so raw towards each other and omg, it's always in the middle of the night we will have such convo omg :')) but sigh, Skype with chuken is one of the amazing thing in my life seriously. It's so productive when it comes to spiritual growing in this way omg.
๐๐: nalan texted me in the night with this, 'Wow... you really have a lot of suitors..' & the moment I saw that, I internally started panicking and texted chuken, SOS omg. Like omg I was so so scared he saw that and like this will happen but I kept on consoling myself that he liked that photo already & way beforehand so he won't know abt it, plus I'm sure his timeline will push everything down. BUT NO OMG NO. He went back to my ig and then he saw the comments omg ๐ข๐ข๐ข
And he also added that other then names listed on my ig post, in general I also have admirers................... And I'm just like U NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW U KNOW ABOUT THIS (oh ya, I dumb af, I should have asked how does he feel abt this situation right HAHAHAHAHA)
(oh ya, nalan stalked me so much and now he blatantly liking my old photos and telling me that he's stalking me right in my face friends ๐ค๐ค)
And I just felt so bad and omg, you're the last person that I want you to see the comments omg wth seriously. And friends, this ship is getting out of hand and it's starting to bother me quite a bit. People really needs to stop wth omg ๐๐
And then I kind of had to explain myself, telling him that it's just a joke by my friends & then yeah, words of mouth telling him that I'm truly rather well-known and that it's like I do have a few people that like or eye candy me and all..... But !!!!!!! Idiot nalan omg ๐ถ out of everyone that came up to me, you're the only one that I'm reciprocating you know. I picked you out of all omg.. And then I didn't want you to have the wrong idea of me wth ๐ถ๐ถ and it's like I kind of have to tell you not to have the wrong idea omg ......... when if you're someone else, I probably wouldn't be giving a shit alre omg. You better get the hint okay when I tell you don't get the wrong idea omg ๐ฎ๐ฎ
And the feeling of being admired by many is yes good, and this's telling you that you have good taste too ๐๐ HAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, out of the point but just know that, at this stage, you're different compared to everyone ☺️๐ค
okay I need to get out because this's way too embarrassing for me to admit omg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mon; woke up late and was supposed to wake up early in the morning to study but then urgh, just couldn't wake up omg. Woke up 11plus and then rushed through chinese homework and then prepared to get ready to leave house for lessons. Was late for lessons omg fml seriously -/-
Thankfully, chinese lesson was so productive omg, like 2 hours of real discussions and then I legit felt that it was so damn good omg ๐ข๐ข and then was called by chinese drama people bc they needed extra manpower for their performance lmao so retarded. But didn't join for some reasons. Like I can't dance for nuts and then I don't feel the real excitement to perform and freaking hell all the same nationality, feel so out abt it & actually, I don't want to crash it with something else or my studies la wth urgh urgh urgh
Then wanted to leave sch alre, but kind of want to say hi to friends so I went to the field and only to find an Isabelle all alone omg. And then, me Angie and Isabelle we talked for a while, talking abt so many random things omg. But it was okay la, the fact that we made Isabelle feel much better is enough then. We talked and bitch also omg, so random and impromptu but oh well, it's girls HAHAHAHAAH
And then the Joel and jieai ship needs to stop omg seriously. I'm even more disturbed right now bc nalan sort of knew abt it wth seriously.
And omg my Starbucks tumblr broke what even and then came Nex to exchange for one & decided to study there a bit also. Rather productive and did both chi and econs (surprisingly omg) so going home to continue (hopefully can continue this streak also seriously)
Daily updates of nalan: ๐ < friends, from now onward I'm going to use this emoji to talk abt him, so basically; 'daily updates of nalan' = ๐
Bc I freaking like purple & I wanted to use ๐ but ๐ has like a second meaning so I'm just like ๐
OKAY SO YES FIRST ๐:
Friends I did it omg :') I asked him abt religion issues, something that has been bothering me for some time but I choose to push it away and actually kind of run away from this issue bc I'm just to afraid to talk abt it seriously fml omg :( I'm sorry friends.
But omg, this convo regarding religion with him was so so good & it was like a reassurance on me and i really feel that, he's really genuine about the whole thing right here omg :') kind of starting to feel his sincerity omg ☺️☺️๐
Okay, basically I asked him, is he a devoted Christian & how does he feel abt two different religious people coming together. And his answer was he's not lmao bc he pon church for books last year and then he feel that, character values and mindsets matter more & freaking hell, (his answer make me happy omg fml)
And I was just like omg shit guys this's getting real omg cry die me HAHAHAHA
And then he asked for my opinions and I just told him abt how I feel & my fear towards this issue, like the unwanted examples around me also fml. He asked if I'm alright to share abt those examples, so I told him abt my extended family, papa side & also some friends of mine that are devoted af & forced people to join Christianity and that makes me real uncomfortable abt it omg urgh
& he told me abt Christianity having different kind so it's like he's not the real devoted kind and he's a charismatic Christian so it's like they don't force people and they mind their own business (the way he describe it lmao) HAHAHAH
And omg he went abt actually religion doesn't define people and you can't say a Buddhist for doing good deeds his entire life wrong nor either a Christian that committed a crime sending him to heaven just bc of his religion. What matters most is the mindset that will define our afterlife and I was just like, guys I need a moment right now and I legit felt so touched and reassured in me omg like urgh, why is he so mature right now because this makes him so attractive and then I just felt that yes, I need a guy that's legit mature omg ๐ข☺️๐ข☺️ and yes, I know that he will definitely do stupid things with me (I have faith in that ๐๐) HAHAHAHAHAHA
And I was touched so I told him that I'm so thankful for this and that it's such a sensitive issue that I really dislike talking abt it omg and then the fact we can talk abt this allow me to feel so much better abt this issue right now omg :') & yes of course I agree with everything he said duh
HHAHAHAHAHA
And yeah he just sent ☺️☺️ but later he texted me again, asking if I'm really alright abt having a non-christian partner, and after consulting chuken, I told him as long as religion doesn't impose much in it, I'm fine with it.
AND OMG U BETTER GET THE HINT OKAY ; making sacrifices alre shit what am I going to become if I enter a relationship shit la ):
So yeap, ๐ for the day ☺️☺️
Tues; omg another unproductive day urgh. Barely started on human geo wth and then I'm so behind schedule alre omg -/- and actually, didn't wanted to follow mama and papa around but kind of can't really say it out loud so I'm just following them all around urgh. Went to office also didn't do much. Only completed econs policies and then legit just started flipping through human geo. it's not ever screwed for SA. I'm probably going to flunk every single subject again OMG OMG
And like nothing much also the entire day today but last night was rather fun, because critically criticising the juniors proposal is I think one of my life entertainment right now. The intelligence level is legit real and I applaud for their marvellous efforts that they put into the proposal. Every single line is an error and rationales or even work plan is utter bullshit and I'm just like, are you seriously going to hand up this to us? Do you really want us to accept this kind of true bullshit piece of work? :-))))
๐๐: nalan is an amazing person :)
After knowing him & talking to him, he don't bother hiding anymore and then he tells me straight in my face that, 'hey every now and then I will look through your entire ig feed over and over again & randomly I will press a like on your photos, even though they're ten thousands years ago' ๐ค๐ค
So I went to tell him that, he needs to stop being so obvious with him stalking me or did he deliberately like those photos HAHAHAHAHAHA
And yeah, he gave me a yup ๐๐๐
Ha ha ha .....
Wed; econs lesson in the morning, super sleepy but I pull through. Really productive econs lessons because we did consolidation omg. Then, went for Prata lunch but only drank warm lemon tea, so freaking nice omg. Then, stayed back in sch and study. Fell asleep somewhere & but so glad, I finally started on case studies researching, and though only one found, but at least completed one side :')
Skype chuken till late 3plus, 4 because we had updates regarding nalan
HAHAHAHAHAHA
๐๐: so impromptu but we texted for 2 hours straight in the night & then we talked abt so many things omg I cannot. The convo just escalated so much but omg it was damn fun la hahaha. And then suddenly, we might be meeting up on fri oh wow seriously HAHAHAHA
And we talked abt so many things omg, we were talking abt academics, and then suddenly studying together. And then convo switched again and we have Alan jealous over Joel when I have no idea why ๐ but it was a sight I swear. Bc he was jealous over someone that he completely don't have to worry at all. And we also talked abt Lena, and I realised he's savage af friends :-) he was so mean but it was so funny I swear, I died laughing and culture shock a bit because I was definitely not expecting this side of you hahahaha. Oh we shared each other contact saving method, I was kind of expected abt how he saved it, and it turned out it was the combination of that I imagined it. And lmao, so embarrassed to share how I save his seriously. He even questioned did I save his number, Wah this one rude kid on so many level I cannot. HAHAHAHAHAHA
It kind of make him happy because he was capsing nalaaaaaaan and then he was excited over it. And omg, we found that ☺️☺️☺️ is our fav emoji and I was just like..... Wow okay, sounds great friends ๐ค and yes, I kind of hinted to him & chuken said that its damn obvious so I'm just like, 'since it's so obvious to everyone, U BETTER IT OKAY PLEASE'
And the fact that I quickly clarify the mistake between me and Joel speaks a lot omg seriously. And I had to keep on telling him that he's special and rare kid omg. But I can't tell him also that he's actually the one and only person I'm reciprocating towards fml. Wah, just with this fact he seriously should feel so honoured and don't have to be jealous over anyone alre please.
Adrenaline rush for him and then he couldn't sleep. And I was also kind of high because he was mean and funny altogether. And ya, while we were talking abt Lena, I told him I was dying & he ask me to live with it; and I continued I'm surviving, are you proud of me yet? And his reply was, 'I'm always proud of you' ☺️☺️ and omg after finding out that's both our fav emoji, he uses the emoji even more & he is just throwing it into everywhere of the convo I swear omg ๐
Oh and fri, he texted me again, confirming if fri is still on. But omg, he sounded much more excited than me & I told him I haven't tell my mum yet, but will try to make fri possible :) and yes, he gladly replied 'yes i am!!!!'
& yup, bc of the unwanted commenting on that ig post, I finally deleted the comments & changed my captions. And our dear nalan just had to comment ☺️ below it and I'm just like, 'Alan, you really needs to stop' ๐๐
Thurs; stay-home day. Spent the entire day with human geo lmao, but the progress is not much also fml seriously. But Skype with chuken was priceless omg so much fun I swear :3
And then more human geo in the afternoon & legit QUITE nervous abt tmr. Like its d-1 fml. Freak friends, IT IS JUST A STUDY DATE WHAT ARE YOU DOING OMG SHIT
Fri; d-day & for more information, please scroll down to the previous post. One word: amazing ☺️☺️
Skype chuken & talked so much abt it, and I was blushing unknowingly & I'm just like....jieai, you need to maintain hahahah
Sat; went out to study with Hidayah. Relatively productive somewhat because at least I completed maths ...... But my physical geo omg... someone bless that shit right now.... I don't even wanna say how bad that is seriously it's literally fuck my life omg wth..... It's completely non-existent ha ha ha.
Told Hidayah the entire story as well (that wasn't part of the plan actually & but it was a rather fun study date omg :')) & in the night, watched a bit of goong and honestly no regrets I swear fml, it was so nice & sweet omg
And uncomfortable sat continues on oh well...
๐๐: we texted nalan for help for maths & he called me to explain the solutions to me. He almost came down wth lmao stupid Hidayah tsk. But oh well, thankfully he didn't oh dear god. He said he wanted to pop by, and omg I stopped him.
& he texted me again last night, telling me to sleep early so yeap! (and I felt that was really sweet of him sigh ....)
Sun; last day before my death. study date with weiran today. Memo & revise a few of my econs stuff but sigh how much I am able to retain is another story seriously fml omg....
Tmr is the d-day and the start of my death.
This entire week of March holiday was so so bad and tragic and pathetic fml. It's so disgusting and disturbing & I really wanna run away so so much.
Everyday is a repeat of story feeling sick inside + disgusting + nauseous + lack of concentration + pathetic state of productivity level urgh so damn annoying I swear...
Honestly can't wait for the week to end already wtf, I want my Good Friday break fml :(
& I told weiran abt fri also, third person.
And then nalan ask if we wanna go out & have fun, and I'm like don't you have church hahah.
Legit hope that whatever I studied is coming out and it's like I just wanna pass but at the same time, I wanna stay in her so I'm just like fuck life seriously urgh.
But omg so happy today because, I finally remb the feeling of hunger omg :'))) it has been one week since I fee hungry omg yes going home to food right now woohoo!!
๐๐: nalan texted all the best to me & he said to give me a treat if I do well this time, & my pathetic definition of doing well is just to pass everything fml (I feel even more of loser I swear, this legit sucks urgh)
Please pray for me tmr & the remaining week ahead and just let me get through it omg......
'Give me the strength & power to fight on, I am losing them....'
//
And yes, I went to watch ็ธๅฃฐ，ไปฅ็ฌๅฃฐ็บชๅฟต้ฉฌๅญฃ，็ธๅฃฐไนๅค
Sidetrack: Oh ya, and on sat me and chuken had some an intense heart to heart & we shared so many many more stuff abt each other, and it was so intense to the point that we became so raw towards each other and omg, it's always in the middle of the night we will have such convo omg :')) but sigh, Skype with chuken is one of the amazing thing in my life seriously. It's so productive when it comes to spiritual growing in this way omg.
๐๐: nalan texted me in the night with this, 'Wow... you really have a lot of suitors..' & the moment I saw that, I internally started panicking and texted chuken, SOS omg. Like omg I was so so scared he saw that and like this will happen but I kept on consoling myself that he liked that photo already & way beforehand so he won't know abt it, plus I'm sure his timeline will push everything down. BUT NO OMG NO. He went back to my ig and then he saw the comments omg ๐ข๐ข๐ข
And he also added that other then names listed on my ig post, in general I also have admirers................... And I'm just like U NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW U KNOW ABOUT THIS (oh ya, I dumb af, I should have asked how does he feel abt this situation right HAHAHAHAHA)
(oh ya, nalan stalked me so much and now he blatantly liking my old photos and telling me that he's stalking me right in my face friends ๐ค๐ค)
And I just felt so bad and omg, you're the last person that I want you to see the comments omg wth seriously. And friends, this ship is getting out of hand and it's starting to bother me quite a bit. People really needs to stop wth omg ๐๐
And then I kind of had to explain myself, telling him that it's just a joke by my friends & then yeah, words of mouth telling him that I'm truly rather well-known and that it's like I do have a few people that like or eye candy me and all..... But !!!!!!! Idiot nalan omg ๐ถ out of everyone that came up to me, you're the only one that I'm reciprocating you know. I picked you out of all omg.. And then I didn't want you to have the wrong idea of me wth ๐ถ๐ถ and it's like I kind of have to tell you not to have the wrong idea omg ......... when if you're someone else, I probably wouldn't be giving a shit alre omg. You better get the hint okay when I tell you don't get the wrong idea omg ๐ฎ๐ฎ
And the feeling of being admired by many is yes good, and this's telling you that you have good taste too ๐๐ HAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, out of the point but just know that, at this stage, you're different compared to everyone ☺️๐ค
okay I need to get out because this's way too embarrassing for me to admit omg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mon; woke up late and was supposed to wake up early in the morning to study but then urgh, just couldn't wake up omg. Woke up 11plus and then rushed through chinese homework and then prepared to get ready to leave house for lessons. Was late for lessons omg fml seriously -/-
Thankfully, chinese lesson was so productive omg, like 2 hours of real discussions and then I legit felt that it was so damn good omg ๐ข๐ข and then was called by chinese drama people bc they needed extra manpower for their performance lmao so retarded. But didn't join for some reasons. Like I can't dance for nuts and then I don't feel the real excitement to perform and freaking hell all the same nationality, feel so out abt it & actually, I don't want to crash it with something else or my studies la wth urgh urgh urgh
Then wanted to leave sch alre, but kind of want to say hi to friends so I went to the field and only to find an Isabelle all alone omg. And then, me Angie and Isabelle we talked for a while, talking abt so many random things omg. But it was okay la, the fact that we made Isabelle feel much better is enough then. We talked and bitch also omg, so random and impromptu but oh well, it's girls HAHAHAHAAH
And then the Joel and jieai ship needs to stop omg seriously. I'm even more disturbed right now bc nalan sort of knew abt it wth seriously.
And omg my Starbucks tumblr broke what even and then came Nex to exchange for one & decided to study there a bit also. Rather productive and did both chi and econs (surprisingly omg) so going home to continue (hopefully can continue this streak also seriously)
Daily updates of nalan: ๐ < friends, from now onward I'm going to use this emoji to talk abt him, so basically; 'daily updates of nalan' = ๐
Bc I freaking like purple & I wanted to use ๐ but ๐ has like a second meaning so I'm just like ๐
OKAY SO YES FIRST ๐:
Friends I did it omg :') I asked him abt religion issues, something that has been bothering me for some time but I choose to push it away and actually kind of run away from this issue bc I'm just to afraid to talk abt it seriously fml omg :( I'm sorry friends.
But omg, this convo regarding religion with him was so so good & it was like a reassurance on me and i really feel that, he's really genuine about the whole thing right here omg :') kind of starting to feel his sincerity omg ☺️☺️๐
Okay, basically I asked him, is he a devoted Christian & how does he feel abt two different religious people coming together. And his answer was he's not lmao bc he pon church for books last year and then he feel that, character values and mindsets matter more & freaking hell, (his answer make me happy omg fml)
And I was just like omg shit guys this's getting real omg cry die me HAHAHAHA
And then he asked for my opinions and I just told him abt how I feel & my fear towards this issue, like the unwanted examples around me also fml. He asked if I'm alright to share abt those examples, so I told him abt my extended family, papa side & also some friends of mine that are devoted af & forced people to join Christianity and that makes me real uncomfortable abt it omg urgh
& he told me abt Christianity having different kind so it's like he's not the real devoted kind and he's a charismatic Christian so it's like they don't force people and they mind their own business (the way he describe it lmao) HAHAHAH
And omg he went abt actually religion doesn't define people and you can't say a Buddhist for doing good deeds his entire life wrong nor either a Christian that committed a crime sending him to heaven just bc of his religion. What matters most is the mindset that will define our afterlife and I was just like, guys I need a moment right now and I legit felt so touched and reassured in me omg like urgh, why is he so mature right now because this makes him so attractive and then I just felt that yes, I need a guy that's legit mature omg ๐ข☺️๐ข☺️ and yes, I know that he will definitely do stupid things with me (I have faith in that ๐๐) HAHAHAHAHAHA
And I was touched so I told him that I'm so thankful for this and that it's such a sensitive issue that I really dislike talking abt it omg and then the fact we can talk abt this allow me to feel so much better abt this issue right now omg :') & yes of course I agree with everything he said duh
HHAHAHAHAHA
And yeah he just sent ☺️☺️ but later he texted me again, asking if I'm really alright abt having a non-christian partner, and after consulting chuken, I told him as long as religion doesn't impose much in it, I'm fine with it.
AND OMG U BETTER GET THE HINT OKAY ; making sacrifices alre shit what am I going to become if I enter a relationship shit la ):
So yeap, ๐ for the day ☺️☺️
Tues; omg another unproductive day urgh. Barely started on human geo wth and then I'm so behind schedule alre omg -/- and actually, didn't wanted to follow mama and papa around but kind of can't really say it out loud so I'm just following them all around urgh. Went to office also didn't do much. Only completed econs policies and then legit just started flipping through human geo. it's not ever screwed for SA. I'm probably going to flunk every single subject again OMG OMG
And like nothing much also the entire day today but last night was rather fun, because critically criticising the juniors proposal is I think one of my life entertainment right now. The intelligence level is legit real and I applaud for their marvellous efforts that they put into the proposal. Every single line is an error and rationales or even work plan is utter bullshit and I'm just like, are you seriously going to hand up this to us? Do you really want us to accept this kind of true bullshit piece of work? :-))))
๐๐: nalan is an amazing person :)
After knowing him & talking to him, he don't bother hiding anymore and then he tells me straight in my face that, 'hey every now and then I will look through your entire ig feed over and over again & randomly I will press a like on your photos, even though they're ten thousands years ago' ๐ค๐ค
So I went to tell him that, he needs to stop being so obvious with him stalking me or did he deliberately like those photos HAHAHAHAHAHA
And yeah, he gave me a yup ๐๐๐
Ha ha ha .....
Wed; econs lesson in the morning, super sleepy but I pull through. Really productive econs lessons because we did consolidation omg. Then, went for Prata lunch but only drank warm lemon tea, so freaking nice omg. Then, stayed back in sch and study. Fell asleep somewhere & but so glad, I finally started on case studies researching, and though only one found, but at least completed one side :')
Skype chuken till late 3plus, 4 because we had updates regarding nalan
HAHAHAHAHAHA
๐๐: so impromptu but we texted for 2 hours straight in the night & then we talked abt so many things omg I cannot. The convo just escalated so much but omg it was damn fun la hahaha. And then suddenly, we might be meeting up on fri oh wow seriously HAHAHAHA
And we talked abt so many things omg, we were talking abt academics, and then suddenly studying together. And then convo switched again and we have Alan jealous over Joel when I have no idea why ๐ but it was a sight I swear. Bc he was jealous over someone that he completely don't have to worry at all. And we also talked abt Lena, and I realised he's savage af friends :-) he was so mean but it was so funny I swear, I died laughing and culture shock a bit because I was definitely not expecting this side of you hahahaha. Oh we shared each other contact saving method, I was kind of expected abt how he saved it, and it turned out it was the combination of that I imagined it. And lmao, so embarrassed to share how I save his seriously. He even questioned did I save his number, Wah this one rude kid on so many level I cannot. HAHAHAHAHAHA
It kind of make him happy because he was capsing nalaaaaaaan and then he was excited over it. And omg, we found that ☺️☺️☺️ is our fav emoji and I was just like..... Wow okay, sounds great friends ๐ค and yes, I kind of hinted to him & chuken said that its damn obvious so I'm just like, 'since it's so obvious to everyone, U BETTER IT OKAY PLEASE'
And the fact that I quickly clarify the mistake between me and Joel speaks a lot omg seriously. And I had to keep on telling him that he's special and rare kid omg. But I can't tell him also that he's actually the one and only person I'm reciprocating towards fml. Wah, just with this fact he seriously should feel so honoured and don't have to be jealous over anyone alre please.
Adrenaline rush for him and then he couldn't sleep. And I was also kind of high because he was mean and funny altogether. And ya, while we were talking abt Lena, I told him I was dying & he ask me to live with it; and I continued I'm surviving, are you proud of me yet? And his reply was, 'I'm always proud of you' ☺️☺️ and omg after finding out that's both our fav emoji, he uses the emoji even more & he is just throwing it into everywhere of the convo I swear omg ๐
Oh and fri, he texted me again, confirming if fri is still on. But omg, he sounded much more excited than me & I told him I haven't tell my mum yet, but will try to make fri possible :) and yes, he gladly replied 'yes i am!!!!'
& yup, bc of the unwanted commenting on that ig post, I finally deleted the comments & changed my captions. And our dear nalan just had to comment ☺️ below it and I'm just like, 'Alan, you really needs to stop' ๐๐
Thurs; stay-home day. Spent the entire day with human geo lmao, but the progress is not much also fml seriously. But Skype with chuken was priceless omg so much fun I swear :3
And then more human geo in the afternoon & legit QUITE nervous abt tmr. Like its d-1 fml. Freak friends, IT IS JUST A STUDY DATE WHAT ARE YOU DOING OMG SHIT
Fri; d-day & for more information, please scroll down to the previous post. One word: amazing ☺️☺️
Skype chuken & talked so much abt it, and I was blushing unknowingly & I'm just like....jieai, you need to maintain hahahah
Sat; went out to study with Hidayah. Relatively productive somewhat because at least I completed maths ...... But my physical geo omg... someone bless that shit right now.... I don't even wanna say how bad that is seriously it's literally fuck my life omg wth..... It's completely non-existent ha ha ha.
Told Hidayah the entire story as well (that wasn't part of the plan actually & but it was a rather fun study date omg :')) & in the night, watched a bit of goong and honestly no regrets I swear fml, it was so nice & sweet omg
And uncomfortable sat continues on oh well...
๐๐: we texted nalan for help for maths & he called me to explain the solutions to me. He almost came down wth lmao stupid Hidayah tsk. But oh well, thankfully he didn't oh dear god. He said he wanted to pop by, and omg I stopped him.
& he texted me again last night, telling me to sleep early so yeap! (and I felt that was really sweet of him sigh ....)
Sun; last day before my death. study date with weiran today. Memo & revise a few of my econs stuff but sigh how much I am able to retain is another story seriously fml omg....
Tmr is the d-day and the start of my death.
This entire week of March holiday was so so bad and tragic and pathetic fml. It's so disgusting and disturbing & I really wanna run away so so much.
Everyday is a repeat of story feeling sick inside + disgusting + nauseous + lack of concentration + pathetic state of productivity level urgh so damn annoying I swear...
Honestly can't wait for the week to end already wtf, I want my Good Friday break fml :(
& I told weiran abt fri also, third person.
And then nalan ask if we wanna go out & have fun, and I'm like don't you have church hahah.
Legit hope that whatever I studied is coming out and it's like I just wanna pass but at the same time, I wanna stay in her so I'm just like fuck life seriously urgh.
But omg so happy today because, I finally remb the feeling of hunger omg :'))) it has been one week since I fee hungry omg yes going home to food right now woohoo!!
๐๐: nalan texted all the best to me & he said to give me a treat if I do well this time, & my pathetic definition of doing well is just to pass everything fml (I feel even more of loser I swear, this legit sucks urgh)
Please pray for me tmr & the remaining week ahead and just let me get through it omg......
'Give me the strength & power to fight on, I am losing them....'
//
Saturday, March 19, 2016
160318 ;
OMG OMG OMG LIFE ACHIEVEMENT FRIENDS HAHAHAHAHAHA
SO FUNNY OMG GOING TO DIE ALREADY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
damn cute wth so stupidly cute fml seriously jieai suck right now fml fml fml fml fml
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
nalan needs to stop and jieai needs to maintain. Omg thankfully hold back a lot (or at least how I feel????) fml the entire day cannot take it.
Morning; 10plus, we met at Starbucks. I arrived first and around 5 mins later, wth hahaha the moment he saw me he panic alre please, bc I reached first omg. He was damn scared when he saw me alre there seriously ๐ productive maths studying started and omg for 2 hours, we didn't talk at all????????? But it wasn't awkward omg, it was just quiet, and do your own shit friends hahaha :-)
Guys, he wore purple today omg ๐๐ heron cheerleading tee teehee oops ๐๐
And then later, some maths questions can't be solved and then sos lorh. He taught me inequalities & normal distribution. It became a tuition and tbh, sigh I hate the feeling of being tutored bc the memory was so bad back then in Raymond seriously so annoying. I hate how much I fear tuition right now. It's not even fair or right seriously omg. And then afterwards, it was continuing solving maths questions and then he gave me other practice questions as well.
But omg, productive because I revised maths (though not completely) and finally I got some stuff omg!!
And as and when, we talked abt life here and there. I made him watch return of superman. And omg he loves dogs and children, & I'm just like OMG AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ☺️☺️
Damn funny because he's damn obvious when he tried to take photos of me (I caught it friends) he was so embarrassed that was so funny omg ๐
And then guys, omg you will never believe it. I guessed his password omg. It's so unbelievable I swear like omg. Like I was just going to take his phone and then he was suddenly super protective over it. Then I was suspicious lorh. So I asked is his passwords his birthday, he said no & then he just passed me his phone alre. So I just tried luh, is it. Then yeap, it's not his birthday. And then I tried something else; yes friends, it unlocked and I'm just like omfg & okay, I'm going to pretend I don't know and then oops, he realised I unlocked his phone alre omg he was so embarrassed I swear ๐๐ it was so funny but then I kept on laughing luh, but omg maybe bc it was 30-40% guess? Like I swear it was all just gut feelings omg I swear.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And then actually he was damn nice la wth. But oh well, he was damn shy la, but then he was also very serious omg. Today was honestly surprisingly oddly comfortable & crazy. He had fun watching me going crazy la oh well. I feel bad though ): like he's worried abt me and then there's a me, unable to pick myself up seriously life sucks. The difference between us two is already so huge and then it's like I'm still not making an effort so sigh, I really don't want to disappoint him this way omg :( I'm sorry omg, I also really hope that things will get better sigh pie.
Another funny thing was we started asking abt each other's past and then, it was interesting because it became a common understanding of how much we know each other and 'how you know' is a stupid question already because some stuff are self-explanatory, like it just happened that we know it seriously fml HAHAHAHA
We shared abt so many stuff the entire day today omg, so rewarding for a get-to-know session hahahah ☺️☺️
Then lmao, 350, I made him take a walk around the place & then initially, he didn't wanted to do it but then I kind of pleaded him so he did. He didn't wanted to go bc I didn't gave him a reason of why I want him to go away. Tbh, I don't know too. I think it was just all the feelings in me and I want them to take a break that's all. I was also damn tired and brain fried alre tbh sigh. Headache now also urgh.
And yeah, by that time I somehow gave up studying alre so we left Starbucks at 4plus.
Hahaha, I told him can we talk abt life instead, and he suggested going up, and I completely forgotten there was a rooftop omy. Shit. That place has so many memories omg ๐ข๐ข
Random face of nalan; he's 1.8 omg ......
Omg friends he met 3/5 of my ideal type and I internally cannot believe it. It's like I can never thought I would find anyone close to ideal type omg....it's like so unbelievable. And then like the other two, he's tbh quite close omg....
Tall
Intelligent & smart idiot
Financial stable
I feel protected & secure when I'm with him
Trust
I'm legit going to break down right now omg bc it's like how is it possible omg so unbelievable I swear omg like how...., how??
Went up to rooftop & 2 hours of h2h session. So random please. But so rewarding omg :') so impromptu & so unexpected. And then we shared abt each of our story. Guys, I realised he's honestly damn mature for his age & it's like, everything he said he's so sincere abt it omg... He wants to grow up quickly and then have his own family omg... And I was just like wow, that's so unexpected coming from him..... And he loves kids and dogs. And I just feel so completed suddenly ahahaha
We shared abt orientation, council (asked him abt farewell assembly & prom lmao), track & field, mutual friends, studies, families, how he viewed me & what he see in me (then just came along please, I just had to know omg), exchanged ic too what even
ๆดช้่ฏ (yay!!!!), past life (sec sch & pri sch), ns, our future too, where we live, he asked abt Joel friends ๐, I died, and I had to show him how he looks ๐, my friends around me, chuken and zhonghng too, talked abt A level results & his expectations vs reality tbh, his clique, his class also, so uh a lot things tbh.
And while studying, we compared handwritings as well hahaha.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hahaha, his answers omg. Everyone is going to probably die laughing at each and every statement or compliments he made lmao.
Dinner!!! He forced me to eat lorh, so yeah kind of expected. Didn't wanted to eat but he made me buy food luh. Bought fishball soup but gave half of my fishball away omg... Wah, that boy seriously. He ate my fishball when he don't like fishball omg like he could have told me omg, then I felt so bad seriously it's like I forced him to ate stuff that he don't like, and I was like, why you no ask & then he just said, cause you give me mah, so I just eat lorh & I'm just like that boy....
Freak that boy seriously, I was so uncomfortable so I did a lot of weird stuff, and that includes playing with a fishball with my mouth, and then he saw and he stoned. And I was just like shit, bc I did it unknowingly la wth. Then he wanted to take a photo friends....I was like no way am I going to do it seriously not fair I swear... And then yeah, I did it again fml. He saw it again. But thank god, I was fast enough omg then hahah, he didn't take. But he kind of take photo of me, mouth with fishball and with a cheese sign. Guys, he was the only one that thinks it's cute please omy shit la hahahah
And friends, we talked abt religions. Freak I was so proud of us two i wear. It's like I felt that this's so unbelievable and then this's so surreal omg I cannot. And then I expressed my concern and stuff. And we were able to shared some personal stuff regarding religions.
So yeah, and then like he asked me when my SA end, and it's Good Friday & then that's Easter Day. lmao nalan, he said that it's optional and it doesn't matter if he's going or not then he asked if I wanna go out and play and I'm just like, omg nalan hahahah
Okay while going home, he insisted of following me up to wait for the train & then you could actually sense that there was this unexplained slight sorry and pithiness in it. He wished for the train to break down oh god.. But I think he decided to go home bc I was nauseous & uncomfortable & feel like puking & sick the entire day... Plus he wants me to go home and study so yeah... Tbh, he don't want go home omg... And like on the platform, it was so uncomfortable bc there were so many people & air was stuffy af. We waited together near the gate and then both of you ain't talking anymore omg, suddenly. Both of us started looking far, staring at reflections & drawing circles with our feet that kind of thing hahah. I was okay la, but it was him tbh. And like wah, his parents came to pick him up, he sounded so disappointed please and I'm just like, Alan please hahaha. We spent a bit more time talking on the platform and this stupid uneasy feeling keep on going in me and I'm just like, body you need to get a grip I swear. And we finally sat down freak. Omg, so I first found the seat so I plotted myself down, and the freak he HAD TO OMG, he just had to sat directly beside me, do you know how close we sat I swear. We just haven't stick to each other please. I got a shock okay. Like omg suddenly he was so close to me because the entire day we somehow or another we kept a distance away from each other and then bang, suddenly he was just beside me and I'm just like life's great ๐๐
We talked more abt Sec sch, and omg he's really wary abt how I view him I swear. I could be smiling and now saying anything but then he had to clarify himself omg. It's like, he said he was from Basketball in Pri sch and then he had to add, 'see not bad right, not bad right. I'm not as gay haha' and I'm just like, my dear I haven't even say anything please. I was just going to say, oh okay okay, like acknowledgment omg. Don't worry seriously you worry too much alre la wth ๐๐ and well, we compared Palm size ๐ lame af I swear. But omg, I was secretly happy bc I wanted to compare our hand size since afternoon and then he suggested it yay!!!!!! AND FREAK, omg my hand is so small compared to him please. Like my middle finger is only half of his middle finger omg please. And hey, it's like my hand is quite big for a girl alre please and don't really like that fact alre but omg his hand hue hue hue, and yeah, he does a bit of housework. Today ended rather well really, he looked so obviously disappointed please after I had to go I swear. He legit wants the train to break down please. And omg, I was feeling so uncomfortable that he even wanted to give me cab fare to cab home I swear.
And we texted when I reach home & I thanked him for the great day today :) and freak guys, I finally found why he was able to know so much abt me bc like Lau Kang posted this photo with me and then all our personal informations were revealed. Omg so stupid I swear friends I cannot believe it and then like everything is so readily available lmao, and guys that was actually the very first time Alan actually sees me. And we talked abt track & field meet, and I was at heron a lot and yeah, he was sitting directly above me omg and duh, of course I didn't notice him la fml.
Alan is really one amazing person & it's like what I find him really great is he's very motivated and focused. He knows what he wants in his life and he works towards it. I just feel like he honestly deserved more because he's not someone that believe in luck, because he believes more in hardwork and efforts, and he goes the extra mile & he's always willing to do it. So that's why I find it amazing about him, really.
And please get to ocs omg really really !!! You need to stop having more disappointment in your life seriously.
And really, thanks for today :) it was unexpectedly fun & productive, and hahah, you're great really great okay. Like in just your way, you're great and you're still shinning really brightly already. And MAYBE MAYBE, I MIGHT like you eventually? Cause I feel that you're really worth it :)
☺️☺️
'Thankful for you, thank you for seeing the good in me that I thought I never will'
☺️๐
//
SO FUNNY OMG GOING TO DIE ALREADY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
damn cute wth so stupidly cute fml seriously jieai suck right now fml fml fml fml fml
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
nalan needs to stop and jieai needs to maintain. Omg thankfully hold back a lot (or at least how I feel????) fml the entire day cannot take it.
Morning; 10plus, we met at Starbucks. I arrived first and around 5 mins later, wth hahaha the moment he saw me he panic alre please, bc I reached first omg. He was damn scared when he saw me alre there seriously ๐ productive maths studying started and omg for 2 hours, we didn't talk at all????????? But it wasn't awkward omg, it was just quiet, and do your own shit friends hahaha :-)
Guys, he wore purple today omg ๐๐ heron cheerleading tee teehee oops ๐๐
And then later, some maths questions can't be solved and then sos lorh. He taught me inequalities & normal distribution. It became a tuition and tbh, sigh I hate the feeling of being tutored bc the memory was so bad back then in Raymond seriously so annoying. I hate how much I fear tuition right now. It's not even fair or right seriously omg. And then afterwards, it was continuing solving maths questions and then he gave me other practice questions as well.
But omg, productive because I revised maths (though not completely) and finally I got some stuff omg!!
And as and when, we talked abt life here and there. I made him watch return of superman. And omg he loves dogs and children, & I'm just like OMG AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ☺️☺️
Damn funny because he's damn obvious when he tried to take photos of me (I caught it friends) he was so embarrassed that was so funny omg ๐
And then guys, omg you will never believe it. I guessed his password omg. It's so unbelievable I swear like omg. Like I was just going to take his phone and then he was suddenly super protective over it. Then I was suspicious lorh. So I asked is his passwords his birthday, he said no & then he just passed me his phone alre. So I just tried luh, is it. Then yeap, it's not his birthday. And then I tried something else; yes friends, it unlocked and I'm just like omfg & okay, I'm going to pretend I don't know and then oops, he realised I unlocked his phone alre omg he was so embarrassed I swear ๐๐ it was so funny but then I kept on laughing luh, but omg maybe bc it was 30-40% guess? Like I swear it was all just gut feelings omg I swear.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And then actually he was damn nice la wth. But oh well, he was damn shy la, but then he was also very serious omg. Today was honestly surprisingly oddly comfortable & crazy. He had fun watching me going crazy la oh well. I feel bad though ): like he's worried abt me and then there's a me, unable to pick myself up seriously life sucks. The difference between us two is already so huge and then it's like I'm still not making an effort so sigh, I really don't want to disappoint him this way omg :( I'm sorry omg, I also really hope that things will get better sigh pie.
Another funny thing was we started asking abt each other's past and then, it was interesting because it became a common understanding of how much we know each other and 'how you know' is a stupid question already because some stuff are self-explanatory, like it just happened that we know it seriously fml HAHAHAHA
We shared abt so many stuff the entire day today omg, so rewarding for a get-to-know session hahahah ☺️☺️
Then lmao, 350, I made him take a walk around the place & then initially, he didn't wanted to do it but then I kind of pleaded him so he did. He didn't wanted to go bc I didn't gave him a reason of why I want him to go away. Tbh, I don't know too. I think it was just all the feelings in me and I want them to take a break that's all. I was also damn tired and brain fried alre tbh sigh. Headache now also urgh.
And yeah, by that time I somehow gave up studying alre so we left Starbucks at 4plus.
Hahaha, I told him can we talk abt life instead, and he suggested going up, and I completely forgotten there was a rooftop omy. Shit. That place has so many memories omg ๐ข๐ข
Random face of nalan; he's 1.8 omg ......
Omg friends he met 3/5 of my ideal type and I internally cannot believe it. It's like I can never thought I would find anyone close to ideal type omg....it's like so unbelievable. And then like the other two, he's tbh quite close omg....
Tall
Intelligent & smart idiot
Financial stable
I feel protected & secure when I'm with him
Trust
I'm legit going to break down right now omg bc it's like how is it possible omg so unbelievable I swear omg like how...., how??
Went up to rooftop & 2 hours of h2h session. So random please. But so rewarding omg :') so impromptu & so unexpected. And then we shared abt each of our story. Guys, I realised he's honestly damn mature for his age & it's like, everything he said he's so sincere abt it omg... He wants to grow up quickly and then have his own family omg... And I was just like wow, that's so unexpected coming from him..... And he loves kids and dogs. And I just feel so completed suddenly ahahaha
We shared abt orientation, council (asked him abt farewell assembly & prom lmao), track & field, mutual friends, studies, families, how he viewed me & what he see in me (then just came along please, I just had to know omg), exchanged ic too what even
ๆดช้่ฏ (yay!!!!), past life (sec sch & pri sch), ns, our future too, where we live, he asked abt Joel friends ๐, I died, and I had to show him how he looks ๐, my friends around me, chuken and zhonghng too, talked abt A level results & his expectations vs reality tbh, his clique, his class also, so uh a lot things tbh.
And while studying, we compared handwritings as well hahaha.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hahaha, his answers omg. Everyone is going to probably die laughing at each and every statement or compliments he made lmao.
Dinner!!! He forced me to eat lorh, so yeah kind of expected. Didn't wanted to eat but he made me buy food luh. Bought fishball soup but gave half of my fishball away omg... Wah, that boy seriously. He ate my fishball when he don't like fishball omg like he could have told me omg, then I felt so bad seriously it's like I forced him to ate stuff that he don't like, and I was like, why you no ask & then he just said, cause you give me mah, so I just eat lorh & I'm just like that boy....
Freak that boy seriously, I was so uncomfortable so I did a lot of weird stuff, and that includes playing with a fishball with my mouth, and then he saw and he stoned. And I was just like shit, bc I did it unknowingly la wth. Then he wanted to take a photo friends....I was like no way am I going to do it seriously not fair I swear... And then yeah, I did it again fml. He saw it again. But thank god, I was fast enough omg then hahah, he didn't take. But he kind of take photo of me, mouth with fishball and with a cheese sign. Guys, he was the only one that thinks it's cute please omy shit la hahahah
And friends, we talked abt religions. Freak I was so proud of us two i wear. It's like I felt that this's so unbelievable and then this's so surreal omg I cannot. And then I expressed my concern and stuff. And we were able to shared some personal stuff regarding religions.
So yeah, and then like he asked me when my SA end, and it's Good Friday & then that's Easter Day. lmao nalan, he said that it's optional and it doesn't matter if he's going or not then he asked if I wanna go out and play and I'm just like, omg nalan hahahah
Okay while going home, he insisted of following me up to wait for the train & then you could actually sense that there was this unexplained slight sorry and pithiness in it. He wished for the train to break down oh god.. But I think he decided to go home bc I was nauseous & uncomfortable & feel like puking & sick the entire day... Plus he wants me to go home and study so yeah... Tbh, he don't want go home omg... And like on the platform, it was so uncomfortable bc there were so many people & air was stuffy af. We waited together near the gate and then both of you ain't talking anymore omg, suddenly. Both of us started looking far, staring at reflections & drawing circles with our feet that kind of thing hahah. I was okay la, but it was him tbh. And like wah, his parents came to pick him up, he sounded so disappointed please and I'm just like, Alan please hahaha. We spent a bit more time talking on the platform and this stupid uneasy feeling keep on going in me and I'm just like, body you need to get a grip I swear. And we finally sat down freak. Omg, so I first found the seat so I plotted myself down, and the freak he HAD TO OMG, he just had to sat directly beside me, do you know how close we sat I swear. We just haven't stick to each other please. I got a shock okay. Like omg suddenly he was so close to me because the entire day we somehow or another we kept a distance away from each other and then bang, suddenly he was just beside me and I'm just like life's great ๐๐
We talked more abt Sec sch, and omg he's really wary abt how I view him I swear. I could be smiling and now saying anything but then he had to clarify himself omg. It's like, he said he was from Basketball in Pri sch and then he had to add, 'see not bad right, not bad right. I'm not as gay haha' and I'm just like, my dear I haven't even say anything please. I was just going to say, oh okay okay, like acknowledgment omg. Don't worry seriously you worry too much alre la wth ๐๐ and well, we compared Palm size ๐ lame af I swear. But omg, I was secretly happy bc I wanted to compare our hand size since afternoon and then he suggested it yay!!!!!! AND FREAK, omg my hand is so small compared to him please. Like my middle finger is only half of his middle finger omg please. And hey, it's like my hand is quite big for a girl alre please and don't really like that fact alre but omg his hand hue hue hue, and yeah, he does a bit of housework. Today ended rather well really, he looked so obviously disappointed please after I had to go I swear. He legit wants the train to break down please. And omg, I was feeling so uncomfortable that he even wanted to give me cab fare to cab home I swear.
And we texted when I reach home & I thanked him for the great day today :) and freak guys, I finally found why he was able to know so much abt me bc like Lau Kang posted this photo with me and then all our personal informations were revealed. Omg so stupid I swear friends I cannot believe it and then like everything is so readily available lmao, and guys that was actually the very first time Alan actually sees me. And we talked abt track & field meet, and I was at heron a lot and yeah, he was sitting directly above me omg and duh, of course I didn't notice him la fml.
Alan is really one amazing person & it's like what I find him really great is he's very motivated and focused. He knows what he wants in his life and he works towards it. I just feel like he honestly deserved more because he's not someone that believe in luck, because he believes more in hardwork and efforts, and he goes the extra mile & he's always willing to do it. So that's why I find it amazing about him, really.
And please get to ocs omg really really !!! You need to stop having more disappointment in your life seriously.
And really, thanks for today :) it was unexpectedly fun & productive, and hahah, you're great really great okay. Like in just your way, you're great and you're still shinning really brightly already. And MAYBE MAYBE, I MIGHT like you eventually? Cause I feel that you're really worth it :)
☺️☺️
'Thankful for you, thank you for seeing the good in me that I thought I never will'
☺️๐
//
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Salt & Pepper & Chili, but thankful for a pinch of sugar :')
Mon; nothing out of the ordinary but go home gang 2.0 was the highlight of the day ☺️☺️ love love go home gang so much because they're the reason why I pulled through mon and thurs :')))
And ya, probably one of the rather productive night because not only I completed what I wanted to achieve, and even did a bit more like omg, and even finished my weekly shows guys woohoo.
And the call with chuken was hoping that things will get better for him & just hearing him out a bit :))
Chuken, if you're reading this; this's for you alright !!!
'Remb, you're stronger than you seemed, smarter than you think, and better than you know. To me, you're the best just right now :)
No matter how tough & how painful everything is, do note that you ain't alone alright ๐ช๐ช
& ever since day1, you're my telepathic buddy & one of my really important friend around. And I will never traded you for anything else. Love you so so much ๐๐๐'
Daily updates abt nalan: in the afternoon he texted me 'hey jieai' and I replied 'hey Alan' but there was nothing else afterwards; and then suddenly out of nowhere, 11plus in the night, he texted 'I keep on thinking abt you' and I was just like ...... you freaking genius kid la wth. But I didn't know what to reply though so I just laugh it out and then said something else lmao. Guys, I still remb when I first saw the thing, I just pressed down my phone, dropped my pen and grabbed my head because I couldn't believe what he texted me omg!!!!!!!! But ya, I just felt so flattered & weird at the same time la hahah oh well ....... I mean what do you want me to do right hahah...
Tues; so burdensome the entire day because every single teacher that came in, like I really mean each and every single lesson, the teachers spent a good
half an hour talking abt the A level results & then especially for chinese, I then realised it's really damn hard to score an A what the freak. Like there was only 1 student that got an A out of 13 students oh my god seriously. And then he went on abt the previous batches & freak la, when he mentioned abt this batch doing exceptionally well, and with only 1 A and 1 C and remaining Bs, and that one A belongs to a malaysian girl, the entire class just look at me la wth ----------- & I felt so shit bc like the more I hear, the more my entire soul just went further and further down the black hole omg .......
And yes, 1 hour of econs + 2 hours of human geo oh god ๐๐ can't believe I survived all that I cannot. And was feeling so sleepy and tired the entire day but thank god for the study session at the end of the day omg :'))
All the ranting & letting everything out allowed me to feel so much better, and also learning abt the policies in econs. Freak friends, I understand my policies finally after freaking few more weeks & just two more weeks into econs paper fml seriously. All the laughing, talking, learning gave me a really good ending to the day omg. Dinner was so so satisfying & it was all worth surviving the entire day (including not eating oops) teehee.
The day didn't started out well but thanks for everything that happened when lessons ended because I just felt everything was worth it all :')))
Daily updates of nalan: he texted me during lessons time and shared with me some of the geo essays. He also shared with me entire 2 years worth of folders so I'm just impressed again and yes, reason why he did so well guys :-))
[just in case I didn't mentioned beforehand, nalan scored a rank points of 80 :'))) ]
Wed; entire day was just plain sleepy and tired omg..... And kind of just unknowingly rage at Denise, so felt bad abt it but well, she might forgotten abt it also so hahaha. But thank god, lessons went well the entire day & hey, during break we talk again ☺️☺️
Had council meeting today bc friday is the start of SA already urgh freak seriously. Gonna do morning assembly also tmr morning bc it's the 31st finally coming up to talk ๐๐
Rather alright day and yes, somehow or another, I met wei han (a 31st elect but he left council already) today and hey, he looked not bad la and freaking white oh my god. He was so ๐๐ la. Hahaha, when he saw me for the first time, he complimented me and then suddenly he just held up his phone & wanted to snap me to his friends?? Omg, and then he asked for my ig & then he was there lmao most of the time so yeah... like so many things in one day la wth hahaha. But it's nothing much also la, just wanna express some thoughts that's all lmao oh well zzzz
Made friends with some of the elects too so also something good abt today ๐๐
Oh ya, and yes updated Claudia abt nalan too
woohoo
Daily updates of nalan:
(still can't believe this's going on strong lmao)
Okay, so basically, for the very first time today, I texted nalan bc I wanted him to email me the folder that he sent last night & I kind of regretted asking him to send to the other email. So yeap, he replied me. Then later, I just randomly asked him some stuff, like 'are you rather free everyday?' 'you don't go out often' and then he replied, 'nope, most of his guy friends are in ns.' and then he added, 'I don't go out with girls also' so I'm okay.... (didn't ask for that but oh well ๐๐) and then we talked a bit more abt ns, future careers and all. And it was genuinely such a comfortable text and I felt that hey, it's not awkward or what and it's actually nice and all :)))
But well, we were talking abt studies and all, he added that he applied for scholarship and then he might need to go overseas to study & he also told me abt ns timeline and all.... okay, it might just be me and me being overly smart and stuff... but idk though... when he tell me such stuffs, it's honestly not to have a second thought abt those words though.... like, are you hinting to me abt some things? Because either way, I'm going to kind of have to wait for you also ...... like you're going ns & then I have to complete my education this year. There will be a lot of waiting here and there so hahaha. But, then again, he might mistaken this feeling he has for me as a moment of attraction or just a temporary feelings that's all. And maybe in the future, you might realise you don't like me at all. And urgh, then I will feel damn stupid abt myself la wth omg.... (tbh, i don't even dare to think that way omg)
Okay moving on, then we were talking abt his career and I asked, 'so you wanna do research work?'
'Noooo, I wanna interact with me. Research work so boring. Unless it's about you' .......
And I was just like.... :-))))
HAHAHAHAHAHA
& then, we talked abt scholarships and all, and I told him that I might not be going for overseas, though the opportunity is really good and all, and I have my own personal mental barrier I have to overcome hahaha. He said local uni is the answer already, but I also tell him that I won't stay in hostel also and will travel home everyday. He asked wouldn't it be very far for me (yes he freaking knows where I stay omg) and then so much travelling on public transport. But I was like I don't mind though, like I don't mind travelling. Guys, his response 'maybe I will send you to school then... We see how'
& I was just like ..... How did it went that way woohoo :-))))))
So yeah, this's nalan for the day ๐ค๐ค๐ค
Thurs; half day today bc previous batch did well & its pizza and ice cream day ๐๐
Texted nalan again well ๐๐
And yes, ran two rounds for 2.4, but timing is so bad and I just feel that my legs can't continue anymore and then I just stopped. Feeling rather stupid bc really didn't know today marks the start of napfa omg ;( need to pass napfa la wth and then really wanna at least manage to get a C for all components so that I am able to maintain my gold streak and also complete napfa on a good note. Basically to end napfa well. But hey, stamina is bad af and I'm more than unfit woohoo ๐๐
Entire day was freaking sleepy and legit wanted to die so much bc Skype Joel and chuken and slept at 3 lmao. Was worth it though seriously like yeah, didn't study but all's good :)
But one awful thing is: a private convo w Lena friends :-) she freaking called me and then told me that it's very urgent and she need to see me right now and immediately. And it was during Delphine lesson guys :-) so left the lesson halfway through and then urgh, she talked to me and then she's going to call mama and tell her abt my results. Fml la wth so annoying la ;( and then yeah, was rather appreciative this bc like it was probably the very first time I actually faced my academic issues properly and then like really finally get myself together few days back sigh. Genuinely worried abt my SA la fml but then also feel that really not enough time alre sigh. Need to kind of let mama know or else will fucking die more, especially the parent meeting after SA urgh can't even imagine la wth; even wanting only straight Cs right now .... And even econs also bad la urgh annoying la :/ how am I suppose to bring myself together to say that I failed every single shit wth omg urgh urgh urgh
Daily updates of nalan: texted him today like saying that thanks for doing well for A & allowing us to enjoy pizza and ice cream ๐ and he replied saying study hard and then I'm able to pass down this to my juniors as well ๐๐nothing much just wanna say that we text again today yay!!!!!
Fri; commencement of SA1 2016, first paper: GP.
Picked a question that probably only 1-2% of the cohort did, and one of those most unexpected questions too. Compre was tough af and kind of rushed through my summary ;(
Completed both papers but honestly feeling so freaking uneasy abt them :-))))))) Probably screwed up both of them, what's new right friends. Lena called mama and they had a 20min chat urgh. Lena was speaking up for me and actually comforting and appeasing mama for me. And mama even said that Delphine actually liked me as her student & is worried abt my econs bc I seriously underperformed so badly this time?? What the fuck is 9/25 save my soul seriously. Rather thankful for Lena, in some way or another sigh. She was freaking disappointed bc she thought I was an alright student and is able to manage my studies. Guess who decide to throw herself off the cliff woohoo :-)))))
Entire night was even more pissed off as myself bc I couldn't overcome myself and the real bad procrastination and distracting self. Already feeling abt awful abt the call but couldn't get myself together and progress is even slower than the Pluto taking one while orbit around the sun wth. But more of annoyed at myself bc I disappointed so many people at one shot. And the feelings & expectations of people I have within me just bring me even closer to hell :-)
So much for telling myself to get myself up and together. Much wow, much impressed. Guess which idiot went even lower and deeper this time round. Sounds great isn't it :-)
Sat; an even more disappointing day woohoo. Stayed home the entire day but only read probably 5 pages of lit sounds amazing isn't it ๐๐
Entire afternoon was more than unproductive and wasted so so much time. As if I still have much time on my hand wow girl wow.
Gave up nus open house so as to compensate the studying time but apparently, it's even worse. Totally at a loss of words abt myself and really disgusted right now.
Oh, and guess who is going for concert omg :')))) another time wasted and today should actually be the day to pay back tmr but guess who just screwed up everything. Again.
So proud of me omg. The queen of procrastination.
And saw this quote the other day, at the most unexpected place (econs reference book what even)
'Every time you want to give up, think of why you started'
Saw this quote probably the ten thousandth times, but it was for the first time, I almost broke down at that quote :')
'Every time you wanna give up, ask yourself why did you start'
//
And ya, probably one of the rather productive night because not only I completed what I wanted to achieve, and even did a bit more like omg, and even finished my weekly shows guys woohoo.
And the call with chuken was hoping that things will get better for him & just hearing him out a bit :))
Chuken, if you're reading this; this's for you alright !!!
'Remb, you're stronger than you seemed, smarter than you think, and better than you know. To me, you're the best just right now :)
No matter how tough & how painful everything is, do note that you ain't alone alright ๐ช๐ช
& ever since day1, you're my telepathic buddy & one of my really important friend around. And I will never traded you for anything else. Love you so so much ๐๐๐'
Daily updates abt nalan: in the afternoon he texted me 'hey jieai' and I replied 'hey Alan' but there was nothing else afterwards; and then suddenly out of nowhere, 11plus in the night, he texted 'I keep on thinking abt you' and I was just like ...... you freaking genius kid la wth. But I didn't know what to reply though so I just laugh it out and then said something else lmao. Guys, I still remb when I first saw the thing, I just pressed down my phone, dropped my pen and grabbed my head because I couldn't believe what he texted me omg!!!!!!!! But ya, I just felt so flattered & weird at the same time la hahah oh well ....... I mean what do you want me to do right hahah...
Tues; so burdensome the entire day because every single teacher that came in, like I really mean each and every single lesson, the teachers spent a good
half an hour talking abt the A level results & then especially for chinese, I then realised it's really damn hard to score an A what the freak. Like there was only 1 student that got an A out of 13 students oh my god seriously. And then he went on abt the previous batches & freak la, when he mentioned abt this batch doing exceptionally well, and with only 1 A and 1 C and remaining Bs, and that one A belongs to a malaysian girl, the entire class just look at me la wth ----------- & I felt so shit bc like the more I hear, the more my entire soul just went further and further down the black hole omg .......
And yes, 1 hour of econs + 2 hours of human geo oh god ๐๐ can't believe I survived all that I cannot. And was feeling so sleepy and tired the entire day but thank god for the study session at the end of the day omg :'))
All the ranting & letting everything out allowed me to feel so much better, and also learning abt the policies in econs. Freak friends, I understand my policies finally after freaking few more weeks & just two more weeks into econs paper fml seriously. All the laughing, talking, learning gave me a really good ending to the day omg. Dinner was so so satisfying & it was all worth surviving the entire day (including not eating oops) teehee.
The day didn't started out well but thanks for everything that happened when lessons ended because I just felt everything was worth it all :')))
Daily updates of nalan: he texted me during lessons time and shared with me some of the geo essays. He also shared with me entire 2 years worth of folders so I'm just impressed again and yes, reason why he did so well guys :-))
[just in case I didn't mentioned beforehand, nalan scored a rank points of 80 :'))) ]
Wed; entire day was just plain sleepy and tired omg..... And kind of just unknowingly rage at Denise, so felt bad abt it but well, she might forgotten abt it also so hahaha. But thank god, lessons went well the entire day & hey, during break we talk again ☺️☺️
Had council meeting today bc friday is the start of SA already urgh freak seriously. Gonna do morning assembly also tmr morning bc it's the 31st finally coming up to talk ๐๐
Rather alright day and yes, somehow or another, I met wei han (a 31st elect but he left council already) today and hey, he looked not bad la and freaking white oh my god. He was so ๐๐ la. Hahaha, when he saw me for the first time, he complimented me and then suddenly he just held up his phone & wanted to snap me to his friends?? Omg, and then he asked for my ig & then he was there lmao most of the time so yeah... like so many things in one day la wth hahaha. But it's nothing much also la, just wanna express some thoughts that's all lmao oh well zzzz
Made friends with some of the elects too so also something good abt today ๐๐
Oh ya, and yes updated Claudia abt nalan too
woohoo
Daily updates of nalan:
(still can't believe this's going on strong lmao)
Okay, so basically, for the very first time today, I texted nalan bc I wanted him to email me the folder that he sent last night & I kind of regretted asking him to send to the other email. So yeap, he replied me. Then later, I just randomly asked him some stuff, like 'are you rather free everyday?' 'you don't go out often' and then he replied, 'nope, most of his guy friends are in ns.' and then he added, 'I don't go out with girls also' so I'm okay.... (didn't ask for that but oh well ๐๐) and then we talked a bit more abt ns, future careers and all. And it was genuinely such a comfortable text and I felt that hey, it's not awkward or what and it's actually nice and all :)))
But well, we were talking abt studies and all, he added that he applied for scholarship and then he might need to go overseas to study & he also told me abt ns timeline and all.... okay, it might just be me and me being overly smart and stuff... but idk though... when he tell me such stuffs, it's honestly not to have a second thought abt those words though.... like, are you hinting to me abt some things? Because either way, I'm going to kind of have to wait for you also ...... like you're going ns & then I have to complete my education this year. There will be a lot of waiting here and there so hahaha. But, then again, he might mistaken this feeling he has for me as a moment of attraction or just a temporary feelings that's all. And maybe in the future, you might realise you don't like me at all. And urgh, then I will feel damn stupid abt myself la wth omg.... (tbh, i don't even dare to think that way omg)
Okay moving on, then we were talking abt his career and I asked, 'so you wanna do research work?'
'Noooo, I wanna interact with me. Research work so boring. Unless it's about you' .......
And I was just like.... :-))))
HAHAHAHAHAHA
& then, we talked abt scholarships and all, and I told him that I might not be going for overseas, though the opportunity is really good and all, and I have my own personal mental barrier I have to overcome hahaha. He said local uni is the answer already, but I also tell him that I won't stay in hostel also and will travel home everyday. He asked wouldn't it be very far for me (yes he freaking knows where I stay omg) and then so much travelling on public transport. But I was like I don't mind though, like I don't mind travelling. Guys, his response 'maybe I will send you to school then... We see how'
& I was just like ..... How did it went that way woohoo :-))))))
So yeah, this's nalan for the day ๐ค๐ค๐ค
Thurs; half day today bc previous batch did well & its pizza and ice cream day ๐๐
Texted nalan again well ๐๐
And yes, ran two rounds for 2.4, but timing is so bad and I just feel that my legs can't continue anymore and then I just stopped. Feeling rather stupid bc really didn't know today marks the start of napfa omg ;( need to pass napfa la wth and then really wanna at least manage to get a C for all components so that I am able to maintain my gold streak and also complete napfa on a good note. Basically to end napfa well. But hey, stamina is bad af and I'm more than unfit woohoo ๐๐
Entire day was freaking sleepy and legit wanted to die so much bc Skype Joel and chuken and slept at 3 lmao. Was worth it though seriously like yeah, didn't study but all's good :)
But one awful thing is: a private convo w Lena friends :-) she freaking called me and then told me that it's very urgent and she need to see me right now and immediately. And it was during Delphine lesson guys :-) so left the lesson halfway through and then urgh, she talked to me and then she's going to call mama and tell her abt my results. Fml la wth so annoying la ;( and then yeah, was rather appreciative this bc like it was probably the very first time I actually faced my academic issues properly and then like really finally get myself together few days back sigh. Genuinely worried abt my SA la fml but then also feel that really not enough time alre sigh. Need to kind of let mama know or else will fucking die more, especially the parent meeting after SA urgh can't even imagine la wth; even wanting only straight Cs right now .... And even econs also bad la urgh annoying la :/ how am I suppose to bring myself together to say that I failed every single shit wth omg urgh urgh urgh
Daily updates of nalan: texted him today like saying that thanks for doing well for A & allowing us to enjoy pizza and ice cream ๐ and he replied saying study hard and then I'm able to pass down this to my juniors as well ๐๐nothing much just wanna say that we text again today yay!!!!!
Fri; commencement of SA1 2016, first paper: GP.
Picked a question that probably only 1-2% of the cohort did, and one of those most unexpected questions too. Compre was tough af and kind of rushed through my summary ;(
Completed both papers but honestly feeling so freaking uneasy abt them :-))))))) Probably screwed up both of them, what's new right friends. Lena called mama and they had a 20min chat urgh. Lena was speaking up for me and actually comforting and appeasing mama for me. And mama even said that Delphine actually liked me as her student & is worried abt my econs bc I seriously underperformed so badly this time?? What the fuck is 9/25 save my soul seriously. Rather thankful for Lena, in some way or another sigh. She was freaking disappointed bc she thought I was an alright student and is able to manage my studies. Guess who decide to throw herself off the cliff woohoo :-)))))
Entire night was even more pissed off as myself bc I couldn't overcome myself and the real bad procrastination and distracting self. Already feeling abt awful abt the call but couldn't get myself together and progress is even slower than the Pluto taking one while orbit around the sun wth. But more of annoyed at myself bc I disappointed so many people at one shot. And the feelings & expectations of people I have within me just bring me even closer to hell :-)
So much for telling myself to get myself up and together. Much wow, much impressed. Guess which idiot went even lower and deeper this time round. Sounds great isn't it :-)
Sat; an even more disappointing day woohoo. Stayed home the entire day but only read probably 5 pages of lit sounds amazing isn't it ๐๐
Entire afternoon was more than unproductive and wasted so so much time. As if I still have much time on my hand wow girl wow.
Gave up nus open house so as to compensate the studying time but apparently, it's even worse. Totally at a loss of words abt myself and really disgusted right now.
Oh, and guess who is going for concert omg :')))) another time wasted and today should actually be the day to pay back tmr but guess who just screwed up everything. Again.
So proud of me omg. The queen of procrastination.
And saw this quote the other day, at the most unexpected place (econs reference book what even)
'Every time you want to give up, think of why you started'
Saw this quote probably the ten thousandth times, but it was for the first time, I almost broke down at that quote :')
'Every time you wanna give up, ask yourself why did you start'
//
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Longest Post; Beware
Okay so sorry for being such a bad blogger oh well, I kind of really can't find a time to come up here also and write.
Tbh really want to write a post abt orientation and abt all the things that happened, both good and bad but I know that will take probably another 3-4 hours or so right here.
Plus, after orientation, there's actually also cny to write about tbh and all the shit I went through myself and internally oh well.
Then after cny, came burdensome CA and also all the work I had to catch up. 2 weeks flew by just like that, and today I'm on my way to SIM. Apart from going there, it was more of i tagging along with weiran & I really wanna spend some time with her. Plus so many things happened also lmao, so much to say.
But tbh, the craziest few days will definitely be this week. And it's like even life is giving me a good reward or otherwise, making someone happy.
24/2 morning, I passed nalan my number and then for three days straight, we texted each other and then it was not a continuous text but actually more of there was a stop everyday. But what surprises me was, it wasn't as awkward as I thought/expected l, but it was rather interesting as we share info about ourselves to each other. Okay, maybe more of he telling me info abt myself & I'm just impressed and shocked that's all. But turn out he scrolled all the way down, like 700plus posts and I just felt like giving up because it was all foetus days :')))))))
Honestly, I'm not sure if i like him or what but I can tell you that his impression that he has created and given to me is really fine and that, he's polite and all. He's also cautious and definitely freaking scared to say the wrong things to me ๐ & him freaking out when I didn't reply him suddenly was probably one of the entertaining thing omg.
Guys, I have never seen so much that text so efficient before I swear. Hahaha, I told him I couldn't text outside so he saw that text and then he sent me a text message. And then I replied that text message, freak a reply came literally instantaneously. I was like omg. And then when I told him I could WhatsApp, freak omg his message came in already what even. And then he asked me stuff and questions, wah genius guys. He don't really give me a chance to reply, and it's like I tried to finish talking the front part, his reply came in again and I was like you genius la. But okay, he's nice, really nice :3
And yes friends, I did combined assembly for the very first time in my life hahaha.
Heart was trembling and beating so fast omg and I was freaking out la wth hahaha. Was so happy there was no announcement but no way man, wendy goh created two announcements so I had to read them all and this actually made my heart beat even faster omg wth. But lmao, the view is really different up there and all the little people we see are just so cool and I'm just so fascinated that's all. but hey, it was a good experience and with that, we can safely say that we completed all various places for morning assembly woohoo ¥.¥
Basically those two weeks, CA killed me so much like urgh. The moment when I was back from cny, it was all hell lot of work & entertaining teachers. And then while trying to catch up with all the work, I still had to settle many other shit like council work & people problems.
Then, it was just a mad rush of CA and humans. Seriously can't really remb a lot of stuff alre omg.
orientation 2016 was just two words: unforgettable and bittersweet.
Legit went through so much to the point that I felt that I stretched myself to the point that I can't bring myself back anymore. So stretched, so painful, so drained, so worn out, so tiring and so so so done with orientation and all. I don't want to rant abt anyone because I felt that everyone has their own fair share of pressure and burden so yeah. I was the family master & aic of welfare comm. Double the role, double the responsibility, double the pain, double the trouble, but sigh, double the mixed feelings & double the cray cray. Honestly, I never regret taking up the double roles. I just felt so drained after the entire day and all. Orientation 2016 is seriously the best memory I could ever had for my entire education life. It was a journey of painstaking moments filled with so much emotions and feelings. I survived orientation guys. I can't believe it I swear. I don't think I will forget any single thing abt orientation. But one thing that's a slight pity on my part was I don't really have an og and yeah, I kind of want an og to myself but sigh because of my roles, so yeah I forsake that part. And also yeah, to keep jeevan company. And lmao, after this orientation, jeevan and I become so close and we are really really great working partners right now. We helped each other out and keep each other in check. We support each other and I really feel that we compliment each other though. It was really a great working experience together and okay la, the opportunity cost of spending so much time with jeevan, is probably not having an og that's all. Did so much washing & cleaning during orientation as well. Had so many first time as well.
But yeah, of course everything has the double sides. The positive and negative sides. Was being questioned and unknowingly pissed people off so much during orientation. Don't know what I did but oh well, they hate/dislike/disagree with me but idk, they're all in the past and I honestly can't do anything right now to turn things back again. I can't do anything anymore. I just hope we are all able to put it at the back of our mind and just continue on like this. Because i really don't want to lose anyone or anything, I don't want to lose Prometheus. I fight so hard for my Prometheus, and I have so much pride in this family, this colour. I can really be so proud to say that I'm the family master of the purple family, Prometheus.
And orientation was so painful because after all the shit I went through in school, I came home for a second round. It was plain annoying and plain disturbing. Like I can't really explain myself also and I can't stand it anymore either. Everyday was just a repeat of all the painful stories. So sickening & so disgusting I swear. It was so annoying but I never really tell anyone about it. I really don't want to view as a weakling and view as a useless bum. I want to be independent and tough and strong. I want to fight against all these odds. But what was disturbing was people telling me that I'm incompetent and people are stepping over me. I wanted to give all up again and not do this anymore sigh. Because I genuinely can't take it anymore. No more already. But oh well, I overcome all those and become who I'm right now.
I'm not sure if I really emerge as one winner, but one thing for sure, I'm thankful and grateful for all these opportunities given and memories given :')))
After orientation, the next day was cny celebration in school. It was a simple celebration and ms koh bought food for the class. And then a louhei ceremony. Much cheering and happiness as everyone is still in the midst of all the orientation happiness and crazy feelings. But sigh, it was a rather bad day because of all the things that weiran tell me & all the negativity lmao. And of course mama back home again woohoo :-)
cny was fun, relaxed, chill and so so so comforting for both my body and mind. I wasp so thankful mama forced me back home because I think I will break down in sg. I went back, eat sleep eat sleep and recharged myself so well. I didn't study nor revise for anything at all and all I did was just having fun and taking care of my very own welfare. I didn't do much shit also and I went a lot of lazing around. I also withdraw myself from all social media and social interactions as well. I did so much reflections back in malaysia and yeah, I felt even more awful about myself. And shit and stuff and probably every single thing. But thankful for comforting and real encouraging words so that actually made my trip extra rewarding and comforting :') this cny wasn't much house visiting or meeting up my relatives, but it was recharge, giving myself some time again & spending some self time once again. More than thankful for this one week break. It allows me to run away from all the unhappiness & sorrows and just be myself all over again :')))
Oh yes, s06 guy came running to me on the day that I was back to sch after cny. I was all alone that day and then he just came running up to my face and then he somewhat confessed to me ...... Like he said he has been noticing me and then he think that I'm cute and he think he like me la, and he wanted my number but freak it was so awkward wth seriously. And then all his friends were at the back omg urgh embarrassing af seriously. I was so uncomfortable and I was thinking of how to reject him seriously. I just said number another time but I will say hi to him in school. And for the first few days, I ran away so much and pretended I didn't see him lmao because I'm so freaking scared I swear.
And ya, but actually after texting nalan those few days, I don't feel anymore thing and I could actually say hi to him in school lmao. So retarded.
And then, one day our class was kind of fighting with his class for the classroom, and of course we had econs lesson (duh it's delphine friends) so we got the classroom. And then his class was I guess having a break and then they left the classroom, and he was all the way at the back so he said hi to me and I smiled back, and freak my life seriously. I heard a super loud 'YES' and there was so much cheering at the back and then I'm just like, omg jieai don't turn back don't freaking turn back I swear.
LAST WEEK:
Mon-Wed; honestly can't remb what happened these few days alre sigh, but yeah was just so caught up with CA sigh and yeah human geo was full of bullshit la annoying urgh
Thurs; freaking stupid I swear. Early in the morning I cut myself with the council room door (& actually I cut myself because I was a bit on cloud nine thinking of nalan what even, going to blame him next time) and then was bleeding non-stop, ms koh saw me and then she brought me out & to the GO as well. It was so ridiculous and funny and that's why I couldn't stop laughing at the entire situation the whole time. Joel saw me leaving the audi and he was worried so it was immediately morning assembly, he rushed out and then he was really concern about me omg I felt so bad ;'( and ya, I wore lena slippers the entire day and was limping the entire day also. Freaking painful and all but I was alright luh. When going home, everyone was so worried and kept on telling me to go and see the doc. Joel mama sent me home too. And actually a misunderstanding occurred. Apparently Zhonghhg was angry and pissed off at me. But sigh, okay it was partly my fault also. But yeah, I seriously didn't mind hopping my entire way home but then it started becoming more painful during the evening time. And it was even more painful than the entire day. So yeah, took his mum car home and Joel was so worried abt me to the point that I felt so shit abt myself sigh ):
And then I kind of expressed my concern that my parents won't send me to doc and Joel even wanted to send me to doc before sending me home omg. But ya, I was really surprised that papa was more worried than mama and yeah, I was immediately send to doc after bathed and dinner. Got a jab too fml seriously. The hand was literally numb and temporarily disabled the very next day. But yeah, such an eventful day I can't believe it guys.
Fri; limp all the way to school and was flipping around with slippers also the entire day. Council meeting was alright and I spent the time before the meeting doing some work. Meeting was alright just couldn't stop limping the entire day lmao. And then was super happy because mama and papa decided to go to ikea and yes they're coming to pick me up :3 super happy la but was limping in ikea so I'm just like ........
Dinner was really good and satisfying and then even bought my childhood ice-cream woohoo
Oh ya, while waiting for mama papa, was texting Alan a bit and then he asked me personality test and stuff. And he told me his and I went to did it once again, I realised we are quite incompatible lmao & we ain't very matched oh well. And ya, while reading through the various personalities and stuff, mama came and jeevan was like saying and telling me to be careful and all, and I just jokingly asked, if he wanna escort me and lmao, him and joachim legit got up friends hahaha. And ya, joachim carried my bag too. And ya before I left, I shouted thanks and have a good day and all. Mama then added, saying that we have two popular people at home. One attract all the girls and everyday hang out with the girls, another one have different guys around lmao what even.
Sat; supposedly to go Sim with weiran but after meeting us, the immediate the change of plans to go somewhere else. We went to Suntec instead and we spent so much time catching up and honestly, though it was a change of plans, it was no regrets and it was really fun. Got a hell bad of scolding before and after the day out but yeah, honestly I will do it again.
Sun; catch up of more work & more annoying shit in life also.
THIS WEEK:
Mon; was rather alright also la but yeah, this entire week I was wearing slippers to school because a noob jieai cut herself with the council room door I swear wah damn dumb I cannot. And then, because it was mon, I had morning duty so I had to wear shoes first and then wear slippers later. Wah, damn annoying. Stupid traffic jam, what the flying fuck. I almost couldn't made it for duty so annoying please what the heck. And ya, I ended the day, going home with Joel & we talked about so much abt weiran and Cleon so freaking funny I swear and yeah, we finally cleared all the weird misunderstandings and build on so many rapport among the both of us lmao hahaha.
And fml, justin han shouted my name out loud omg fucking embarrassing I swear seriously wth.
Tues; normal day and ya, I met him again guys, s06 guy. And I have no idea why la, I seriously keep on seeing him fml. And fml, I scored the lowest for chinese and fucking got a U for it seriously. And then I went for consultation after lessons, and while trying to finish my work, s06 walked across the table and yes he's was the last one. So yeah, I had to say hi la duh but before that I tried not to look up but sigh, the timing was bad so oh well. But the day was alright & I was extremely excited for road run the very next day.
Wed; road run. Was excited for road run because no school day and actually liked this kind of event here and there. But what kept me even more excited is lunch later with chuken. Road run was fun, really fun. Like I cheered for my friends and also enjoyed my road walk too. And I got Joel to help me take Milo yay. And then it was so much laughing and chit-chatting yay friends. And omg friends, I swear I didn't know that s06 is same house too omg. Freak la wth. And then I had to pretend I didn't see him the whole time please give me a break right now friends.
And actually, the craziest thing was actually to get Cleon and weiran to say hi to each other. But guess what friends, they took a photo together !!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG that escalated so quickly omg and freak la, the photo damn funny because Cleon face was dying of happiness but like had to maintain a bit that kind lmao. HAHAHAHAHA
Me and Joel were just celebrating so much la wth, okay because the original plan was just to say hi and apologise lmao cannot take it seriously.
AND OMG I NEED TO RANT ABOUT THIS FREAK MY LIFE OMG
& why are people so weird I cannot. Urgh, that s06 guy freak my life. After road run, he came walking towards my direction & then I was like, omg he won't ask for anything from me right, was trying to avoid him the entire day alre wth. And then I wanna have the last straw of faith in humanity but no bitch, life loves to prove you wrong all day err day :-)))
He freaking asked for a photo with me and then he even suggested going to somewhere less crowded and I'm just like, no bitch lets just settle RIGHT NOW and be so done and over with it omg seriously ใฑ.ใฑ
And then ya duh, I took the photo with him but it was so awkward and embarrassing because i don't want to be mean but I'm so uncomfortable at the same time oh god.... And then after the photo, he asked me to QC, so I just take a look and yeah, say it's okay & he shamelessly ask if I want the photo, and I'm just like no, it's alright. U FREAKING IDIOT U THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT U WANT OMG GET OUT OMG
And lunch was probably one of the decisions I made in life seriously :'))) we had such a great heart-to-heart and then we shared so much abt each other that I missed this our times so much, like so so much. And after that day, I love chuken even more than any moment right now. Thank you chuken. I really really love you so much right now :')))
Korean food + bingsu + heart2heart = I couldn't ask for anything more else.
Thurs; was alright and it was another normal day but I died so much because so sleepy and tired and tbh, in the night I was feeling rather nervous and anxious, for many reasons. Was worried for some of my friends that took h1 Mother tongue, but also actually more worried for nalan. Sigh, he have to do well because he had so much high hopes omg. I texted him in the night also, saying like good luck & all the best and all, and yeah he replied thanks and all. And he had to add see you tmr. I kind of purposely didn't wrote that because he is coming back to collect results and so I shouldn't be hoping too much but oh well, he said that so I just replied see you hahah.
Oh ya, and during break time, Justin Han came to our table and was like talking to Hidayah and all. He just randomly said something and mentioned my name so I just lifted up my head and he just act shock like, 'omg sorry' and I'm just like ---.--- annoying af seriously. And then before we left, he just had to 'bye jieai' and I'm just like OMG STOP IT ANNOYING AND ME DO NOT WANT A SINGLE BIT RELATED TO U SO GET OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT NOW DISGUSTING SHIT LA SERIOUSLY OMG
Friday was results release. I met nalan (duh) because he had to come back to collect results anyway. He scored a rank points of 80 but he was slightly disappointed because he did better for prelims & most of his friends that did worse than him previously did better for As. I genuinely think he did very well though friends. And it's like tbh, the more I think about him, the more I question what does he see in me omg. Alan is smart, hardworking, tall, flat, fit and healthy. And the best part is, I'm N O N E......
& then during results release, the hall atmosphere was so bad that I was so scared like omg.... It was so serious and tense and worrisome. Everyone was crying and cheering for various reasons. It was to the point that I'm so confused at the benchmark right now. Like so what's good and what's bad. I asked around, 70plus average rank point is freaking low and bad, and honestly your choices are considered limited. And ya, I'm so so scared for my As right now.
SA is in freaking 2-3 weeks and honestly, I am negative zero percent ready, I'm so so scared for SA. I failed all my CA btw, every single subject. And then I really have to at least do decent you know. Decent so that I can secure a peaceful parent meeting & hopefully, enter hatp. Friends, I wanna enter hatp. And I really wanna do well right now for As. And tbh, partly because of nalan as well... Like he's doing so freaking well that I feel so shit about myself....
And so many seniors didn't do well on Friday so I'm really confused and lost right now.
And ya, and then nalan believed that I will do well & that I'm really good and all. Sigh, even Joel said that omg...... But idk man I really don't know...... It's so awful I swear this feeling... It's so annoying la wth.
And guys, I need to talk abt that nalan omg, seriously ๋กค๋กค๋กค๋กค๋กค
Because he was rather worried abt his results and expectations, that made me feel bad about myself so I feel that I wanna talk to him and all. So I kind of called him and then he didn't picked up and he called back later. But yeah, he said we text so I was alright. And then I send him an encouragement text telling him he's good and all, and yeah he replied back saying thanks and all. And then after he sent that, 5mins later, he texted 'jieai' and I was like freak something serious/bad is coming, and guys do you know what that genius said? 'jieai, you look really pretty when you smile' and I was just like that genius guys. Freak !!! He's so disappointed at his results but he never forget to flirt with me la wth. And then I was like omg since you can say that, you're alright alre right? And yeah, ya la definitely much better, so sweet how to not to be okay. And I was just like wah that genius seriously. I can't believe it wth omg.
And guys, that s06 guy don't stand a chance anymore lmao because nalan is the answer already :3
But idk though, later as the days go by, nalan might realise he doesn't like me and he just mistaken this feelings that's all. And that, eventually we realise we ain't matched and we really can't be together.
I still can't get over the religion shit la wth so annoying.
Urgh, and my weekends are gone btw. I came back and kind of went around for home fair & housewarming party. It was fun but sigh, at the back of the mind, genuinely cannot stop worrying sigh, so freaking sickening omg.......
Something on the bright side; everyone said I lost weight so :')))
Random stuff;
Recently, me and Joel got closer because of legit various reasons. Like we initially have a common topic because of Rachel and Wesley & now we have, weiran and Cleon. The thing is I'm close to Rachel, and Joel is close to Wesley. Similarly, I'm close to weiran and now, he's close to cleon. And because of these two pair, these two people become close friends and we share info abt each other and the background info lmao hahaha freak my life seriously. We are building our friendship based on other people relationship what even
And ya, another random thing too btw, Joel complimented me so much abt my face and then he said I'm really really pretty and that, I'm not just alright but I'm really pretty. Honestly, I felt really flattered and then of course, it's nice to hear compliments and I'm genuinely touched by those words :')))
And yeah, he gave me a new name; unconventional jieai :-)
and this's probably the longest post I ever had because it seriously comprises of so many things and I'm just penning down everything on my mind that's all. I really don't know how much I still remb or how much I haven't written. But yeah, I haven't been blogging for so long and I felt so sad on my part. I feel so bad for not updating my life and leaving a mark on somewhere regarding my life. I think I will learn to write to down somewhere or on the go so that I can continue to record my life.
Okay for now, here's some of the things here. Might continue to add on should I remb any.
Till now, signing off right now.
'Can I have someone to come and take me right now & together, let's run away from this land & run towards our tomorrow land together'
Tbh really want to write a post abt orientation and abt all the things that happened, both good and bad but I know that will take probably another 3-4 hours or so right here.
Plus, after orientation, there's actually also cny to write about tbh and all the shit I went through myself and internally oh well.
Then after cny, came burdensome CA and also all the work I had to catch up. 2 weeks flew by just like that, and today I'm on my way to SIM. Apart from going there, it was more of i tagging along with weiran & I really wanna spend some time with her. Plus so many things happened also lmao, so much to say.
But tbh, the craziest few days will definitely be this week. And it's like even life is giving me a good reward or otherwise, making someone happy.
24/2 morning, I passed nalan my number and then for three days straight, we texted each other and then it was not a continuous text but actually more of there was a stop everyday. But what surprises me was, it wasn't as awkward as I thought/expected l, but it was rather interesting as we share info about ourselves to each other. Okay, maybe more of he telling me info abt myself & I'm just impressed and shocked that's all. But turn out he scrolled all the way down, like 700plus posts and I just felt like giving up because it was all foetus days :')))))))
Honestly, I'm not sure if i like him or what but I can tell you that his impression that he has created and given to me is really fine and that, he's polite and all. He's also cautious and definitely freaking scared to say the wrong things to me ๐ & him freaking out when I didn't reply him suddenly was probably one of the entertaining thing omg.
Guys, I have never seen so much that text so efficient before I swear. Hahaha, I told him I couldn't text outside so he saw that text and then he sent me a text message. And then I replied that text message, freak a reply came literally instantaneously. I was like omg. And then when I told him I could WhatsApp, freak omg his message came in already what even. And then he asked me stuff and questions, wah genius guys. He don't really give me a chance to reply, and it's like I tried to finish talking the front part, his reply came in again and I was like you genius la. But okay, he's nice, really nice :3
And yes friends, I did combined assembly for the very first time in my life hahaha.
Heart was trembling and beating so fast omg and I was freaking out la wth hahaha. Was so happy there was no announcement but no way man, wendy goh created two announcements so I had to read them all and this actually made my heart beat even faster omg wth. But lmao, the view is really different up there and all the little people we see are just so cool and I'm just so fascinated that's all. but hey, it was a good experience and with that, we can safely say that we completed all various places for morning assembly woohoo ¥.¥
Basically those two weeks, CA killed me so much like urgh. The moment when I was back from cny, it was all hell lot of work & entertaining teachers. And then while trying to catch up with all the work, I still had to settle many other shit like council work & people problems.
Then, it was just a mad rush of CA and humans. Seriously can't really remb a lot of stuff alre omg.
orientation 2016 was just two words: unforgettable and bittersweet.
Legit went through so much to the point that I felt that I stretched myself to the point that I can't bring myself back anymore. So stretched, so painful, so drained, so worn out, so tiring and so so so done with orientation and all. I don't want to rant abt anyone because I felt that everyone has their own fair share of pressure and burden so yeah. I was the family master & aic of welfare comm. Double the role, double the responsibility, double the pain, double the trouble, but sigh, double the mixed feelings & double the cray cray. Honestly, I never regret taking up the double roles. I just felt so drained after the entire day and all. Orientation 2016 is seriously the best memory I could ever had for my entire education life. It was a journey of painstaking moments filled with so much emotions and feelings. I survived orientation guys. I can't believe it I swear. I don't think I will forget any single thing abt orientation. But one thing that's a slight pity on my part was I don't really have an og and yeah, I kind of want an og to myself but sigh because of my roles, so yeah I forsake that part. And also yeah, to keep jeevan company. And lmao, after this orientation, jeevan and I become so close and we are really really great working partners right now. We helped each other out and keep each other in check. We support each other and I really feel that we compliment each other though. It was really a great working experience together and okay la, the opportunity cost of spending so much time with jeevan, is probably not having an og that's all. Did so much washing & cleaning during orientation as well. Had so many first time as well.
But yeah, of course everything has the double sides. The positive and negative sides. Was being questioned and unknowingly pissed people off so much during orientation. Don't know what I did but oh well, they hate/dislike/disagree with me but idk, they're all in the past and I honestly can't do anything right now to turn things back again. I can't do anything anymore. I just hope we are all able to put it at the back of our mind and just continue on like this. Because i really don't want to lose anyone or anything, I don't want to lose Prometheus. I fight so hard for my Prometheus, and I have so much pride in this family, this colour. I can really be so proud to say that I'm the family master of the purple family, Prometheus.
And orientation was so painful because after all the shit I went through in school, I came home for a second round. It was plain annoying and plain disturbing. Like I can't really explain myself also and I can't stand it anymore either. Everyday was just a repeat of all the painful stories. So sickening & so disgusting I swear. It was so annoying but I never really tell anyone about it. I really don't want to view as a weakling and view as a useless bum. I want to be independent and tough and strong. I want to fight against all these odds. But what was disturbing was people telling me that I'm incompetent and people are stepping over me. I wanted to give all up again and not do this anymore sigh. Because I genuinely can't take it anymore. No more already. But oh well, I overcome all those and become who I'm right now.
I'm not sure if I really emerge as one winner, but one thing for sure, I'm thankful and grateful for all these opportunities given and memories given :')))
After orientation, the next day was cny celebration in school. It was a simple celebration and ms koh bought food for the class. And then a louhei ceremony. Much cheering and happiness as everyone is still in the midst of all the orientation happiness and crazy feelings. But sigh, it was a rather bad day because of all the things that weiran tell me & all the negativity lmao. And of course mama back home again woohoo :-)
cny was fun, relaxed, chill and so so so comforting for both my body and mind. I wasp so thankful mama forced me back home because I think I will break down in sg. I went back, eat sleep eat sleep and recharged myself so well. I didn't study nor revise for anything at all and all I did was just having fun and taking care of my very own welfare. I didn't do much shit also and I went a lot of lazing around. I also withdraw myself from all social media and social interactions as well. I did so much reflections back in malaysia and yeah, I felt even more awful about myself. And shit and stuff and probably every single thing. But thankful for comforting and real encouraging words so that actually made my trip extra rewarding and comforting :') this cny wasn't much house visiting or meeting up my relatives, but it was recharge, giving myself some time again & spending some self time once again. More than thankful for this one week break. It allows me to run away from all the unhappiness & sorrows and just be myself all over again :')))
Oh yes, s06 guy came running to me on the day that I was back to sch after cny. I was all alone that day and then he just came running up to my face and then he somewhat confessed to me ...... Like he said he has been noticing me and then he think that I'm cute and he think he like me la, and he wanted my number but freak it was so awkward wth seriously. And then all his friends were at the back omg urgh embarrassing af seriously. I was so uncomfortable and I was thinking of how to reject him seriously. I just said number another time but I will say hi to him in school. And for the first few days, I ran away so much and pretended I didn't see him lmao because I'm so freaking scared I swear.
And ya, but actually after texting nalan those few days, I don't feel anymore thing and I could actually say hi to him in school lmao. So retarded.
And then, one day our class was kind of fighting with his class for the classroom, and of course we had econs lesson (duh it's delphine friends) so we got the classroom. And then his class was I guess having a break and then they left the classroom, and he was all the way at the back so he said hi to me and I smiled back, and freak my life seriously. I heard a super loud 'YES' and there was so much cheering at the back and then I'm just like, omg jieai don't turn back don't freaking turn back I swear.
LAST WEEK:
Mon-Wed; honestly can't remb what happened these few days alre sigh, but yeah was just so caught up with CA sigh and yeah human geo was full of bullshit la annoying urgh
Thurs; freaking stupid I swear. Early in the morning I cut myself with the council room door (& actually I cut myself because I was a bit on cloud nine thinking of nalan what even, going to blame him next time) and then was bleeding non-stop, ms koh saw me and then she brought me out & to the GO as well. It was so ridiculous and funny and that's why I couldn't stop laughing at the entire situation the whole time. Joel saw me leaving the audi and he was worried so it was immediately morning assembly, he rushed out and then he was really concern about me omg I felt so bad ;'( and ya, I wore lena slippers the entire day and was limping the entire day also. Freaking painful and all but I was alright luh. When going home, everyone was so worried and kept on telling me to go and see the doc. Joel mama sent me home too. And actually a misunderstanding occurred. Apparently Zhonghhg was angry and pissed off at me. But sigh, okay it was partly my fault also. But yeah, I seriously didn't mind hopping my entire way home but then it started becoming more painful during the evening time. And it was even more painful than the entire day. So yeah, took his mum car home and Joel was so worried abt me to the point that I felt so shit abt myself sigh ):
And then I kind of expressed my concern that my parents won't send me to doc and Joel even wanted to send me to doc before sending me home omg. But ya, I was really surprised that papa was more worried than mama and yeah, I was immediately send to doc after bathed and dinner. Got a jab too fml seriously. The hand was literally numb and temporarily disabled the very next day. But yeah, such an eventful day I can't believe it guys.
Fri; limp all the way to school and was flipping around with slippers also the entire day. Council meeting was alright and I spent the time before the meeting doing some work. Meeting was alright just couldn't stop limping the entire day lmao. And then was super happy because mama and papa decided to go to ikea and yes they're coming to pick me up :3 super happy la but was limping in ikea so I'm just like ........
Dinner was really good and satisfying and then even bought my childhood ice-cream woohoo
Oh ya, while waiting for mama papa, was texting Alan a bit and then he asked me personality test and stuff. And he told me his and I went to did it once again, I realised we are quite incompatible lmao & we ain't very matched oh well. And ya, while reading through the various personalities and stuff, mama came and jeevan was like saying and telling me to be careful and all, and I just jokingly asked, if he wanna escort me and lmao, him and joachim legit got up friends hahaha. And ya, joachim carried my bag too. And ya before I left, I shouted thanks and have a good day and all. Mama then added, saying that we have two popular people at home. One attract all the girls and everyday hang out with the girls, another one have different guys around lmao what even.
Sat; supposedly to go Sim with weiran but after meeting us, the immediate the change of plans to go somewhere else. We went to Suntec instead and we spent so much time catching up and honestly, though it was a change of plans, it was no regrets and it was really fun. Got a hell bad of scolding before and after the day out but yeah, honestly I will do it again.
Sun; catch up of more work & more annoying shit in life also.
THIS WEEK:
Mon; was rather alright also la but yeah, this entire week I was wearing slippers to school because a noob jieai cut herself with the council room door I swear wah damn dumb I cannot. And then, because it was mon, I had morning duty so I had to wear shoes first and then wear slippers later. Wah, damn annoying. Stupid traffic jam, what the flying fuck. I almost couldn't made it for duty so annoying please what the heck. And ya, I ended the day, going home with Joel & we talked about so much abt weiran and Cleon so freaking funny I swear and yeah, we finally cleared all the weird misunderstandings and build on so many rapport among the both of us lmao hahaha.
And fml, justin han shouted my name out loud omg fucking embarrassing I swear seriously wth.
Tues; normal day and ya, I met him again guys, s06 guy. And I have no idea why la, I seriously keep on seeing him fml. And fml, I scored the lowest for chinese and fucking got a U for it seriously. And then I went for consultation after lessons, and while trying to finish my work, s06 walked across the table and yes he's was the last one. So yeah, I had to say hi la duh but before that I tried not to look up but sigh, the timing was bad so oh well. But the day was alright & I was extremely excited for road run the very next day.
Wed; road run. Was excited for road run because no school day and actually liked this kind of event here and there. But what kept me even more excited is lunch later with chuken. Road run was fun, really fun. Like I cheered for my friends and also enjoyed my road walk too. And I got Joel to help me take Milo yay. And then it was so much laughing and chit-chatting yay friends. And omg friends, I swear I didn't know that s06 is same house too omg. Freak la wth. And then I had to pretend I didn't see him the whole time please give me a break right now friends.
And actually, the craziest thing was actually to get Cleon and weiran to say hi to each other. But guess what friends, they took a photo together !!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG that escalated so quickly omg and freak la, the photo damn funny because Cleon face was dying of happiness but like had to maintain a bit that kind lmao. HAHAHAHAHA
Me and Joel were just celebrating so much la wth, okay because the original plan was just to say hi and apologise lmao cannot take it seriously.
AND OMG I NEED TO RANT ABOUT THIS FREAK MY LIFE OMG
& why are people so weird I cannot. Urgh, that s06 guy freak my life. After road run, he came walking towards my direction & then I was like, omg he won't ask for anything from me right, was trying to avoid him the entire day alre wth. And then I wanna have the last straw of faith in humanity but no bitch, life loves to prove you wrong all day err day :-)))
He freaking asked for a photo with me and then he even suggested going to somewhere less crowded and I'm just like, no bitch lets just settle RIGHT NOW and be so done and over with it omg seriously ใฑ.ใฑ
And then ya duh, I took the photo with him but it was so awkward and embarrassing because i don't want to be mean but I'm so uncomfortable at the same time oh god.... And then after the photo, he asked me to QC, so I just take a look and yeah, say it's okay & he shamelessly ask if I want the photo, and I'm just like no, it's alright. U FREAKING IDIOT U THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT U WANT OMG GET OUT OMG
And lunch was probably one of the decisions I made in life seriously :'))) we had such a great heart-to-heart and then we shared so much abt each other that I missed this our times so much, like so so much. And after that day, I love chuken even more than any moment right now. Thank you chuken. I really really love you so much right now :')))
Korean food + bingsu + heart2heart = I couldn't ask for anything more else.
Thurs; was alright and it was another normal day but I died so much because so sleepy and tired and tbh, in the night I was feeling rather nervous and anxious, for many reasons. Was worried for some of my friends that took h1 Mother tongue, but also actually more worried for nalan. Sigh, he have to do well because he had so much high hopes omg. I texted him in the night also, saying like good luck & all the best and all, and yeah he replied thanks and all. And he had to add see you tmr. I kind of purposely didn't wrote that because he is coming back to collect results and so I shouldn't be hoping too much but oh well, he said that so I just replied see you hahah.
Oh ya, and during break time, Justin Han came to our table and was like talking to Hidayah and all. He just randomly said something and mentioned my name so I just lifted up my head and he just act shock like, 'omg sorry' and I'm just like ---.--- annoying af seriously. And then before we left, he just had to 'bye jieai' and I'm just like OMG STOP IT ANNOYING AND ME DO NOT WANT A SINGLE BIT RELATED TO U SO GET OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT NOW DISGUSTING SHIT LA SERIOUSLY OMG
Friday was results release. I met nalan (duh) because he had to come back to collect results anyway. He scored a rank points of 80 but he was slightly disappointed because he did better for prelims & most of his friends that did worse than him previously did better for As. I genuinely think he did very well though friends. And it's like tbh, the more I think about him, the more I question what does he see in me omg. Alan is smart, hardworking, tall, flat, fit and healthy. And the best part is, I'm N O N E......
& then during results release, the hall atmosphere was so bad that I was so scared like omg.... It was so serious and tense and worrisome. Everyone was crying and cheering for various reasons. It was to the point that I'm so confused at the benchmark right now. Like so what's good and what's bad. I asked around, 70plus average rank point is freaking low and bad, and honestly your choices are considered limited. And ya, I'm so so scared for my As right now.
SA is in freaking 2-3 weeks and honestly, I am negative zero percent ready, I'm so so scared for SA. I failed all my CA btw, every single subject. And then I really have to at least do decent you know. Decent so that I can secure a peaceful parent meeting & hopefully, enter hatp. Friends, I wanna enter hatp. And I really wanna do well right now for As. And tbh, partly because of nalan as well... Like he's doing so freaking well that I feel so shit about myself....
And so many seniors didn't do well on Friday so I'm really confused and lost right now.
And ya, and then nalan believed that I will do well & that I'm really good and all. Sigh, even Joel said that omg...... But idk man I really don't know...... It's so awful I swear this feeling... It's so annoying la wth.
And guys, I need to talk abt that nalan omg, seriously ๋กค๋กค๋กค๋กค๋กค
Because he was rather worried abt his results and expectations, that made me feel bad about myself so I feel that I wanna talk to him and all. So I kind of called him and then he didn't picked up and he called back later. But yeah, he said we text so I was alright. And then I send him an encouragement text telling him he's good and all, and yeah he replied back saying thanks and all. And then after he sent that, 5mins later, he texted 'jieai' and I was like freak something serious/bad is coming, and guys do you know what that genius said? 'jieai, you look really pretty when you smile' and I was just like that genius guys. Freak !!! He's so disappointed at his results but he never forget to flirt with me la wth. And then I was like omg since you can say that, you're alright alre right? And yeah, ya la definitely much better, so sweet how to not to be okay. And I was just like wah that genius seriously. I can't believe it wth omg.
And guys, that s06 guy don't stand a chance anymore lmao because nalan is the answer already :3
But idk though, later as the days go by, nalan might realise he doesn't like me and he just mistaken this feelings that's all. And that, eventually we realise we ain't matched and we really can't be together.
I still can't get over the religion shit la wth so annoying.
Urgh, and my weekends are gone btw. I came back and kind of went around for home fair & housewarming party. It was fun but sigh, at the back of the mind, genuinely cannot stop worrying sigh, so freaking sickening omg.......
Something on the bright side; everyone said I lost weight so :')))
Random stuff;
Recently, me and Joel got closer because of legit various reasons. Like we initially have a common topic because of Rachel and Wesley & now we have, weiran and Cleon. The thing is I'm close to Rachel, and Joel is close to Wesley. Similarly, I'm close to weiran and now, he's close to cleon. And because of these two pair, these two people become close friends and we share info abt each other and the background info lmao hahaha freak my life seriously. We are building our friendship based on other people relationship what even
And ya, another random thing too btw, Joel complimented me so much abt my face and then he said I'm really really pretty and that, I'm not just alright but I'm really pretty. Honestly, I felt really flattered and then of course, it's nice to hear compliments and I'm genuinely touched by those words :')))
And yeah, he gave me a new name; unconventional jieai :-)
and this's probably the longest post I ever had because it seriously comprises of so many things and I'm just penning down everything on my mind that's all. I really don't know how much I still remb or how much I haven't written. But yeah, I haven't been blogging for so long and I felt so sad on my part. I feel so bad for not updating my life and leaving a mark on somewhere regarding my life. I think I will learn to write to down somewhere or on the go so that I can continue to record my life.
Okay for now, here's some of the things here. Might continue to add on should I remb any.
Till now, signing off right now.
'Can I have someone to come and take me right now & together, let's run away from this land & run towards our tomorrow land together'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)